Chapter 36 You Encouraged It

Chapter 36 You Encouraged It
April

It's nearly midnight when I get home from Corran’s. He has work tomorrow and offered me to stay, but I declined. I’m unsure what our next move should be, and I’m not ready to find out just yet. We spent the whole day and night together, but nothing else happened, and we didn’t talk about it. I don’t think either of us knows what to do next. 

“Oh, you do remember where you stay?” The sound of Corbin’s voice pulls me from my thoughts. 

I turn to him and smile, noticing I haven’t seen him since last night. I expected he would be here this morning when I returned home to shower and change. 

“I was home this morning," I laugh. "But you weren’t here. Where were you?” 

“I had things to do.” 

I raise my brow at him. “Things to do? Like what?” 

“Just things.” 

Corbin seems a little off. It isn’t like him to stay away for so long. “Are you okay?”

“Did something happen with him last night?” he whispers. 

He seems upset, which confuses me, especially since he was the one who encouraged it.

My eyes drop to the floor. “Yes.” 

“Did you have sex with him?” 

I sigh and lift my head to look at him. “No, not full-on sex.” 

“But something happened?” The sadness in his voice and eyes is evident. 

I nod. “Yes, you look upset. Why is that? You’ve been encouraging this. I never intended for any of this to occur; it just happened.” 

He looks at me silently, and I can’t tell what he’s thinking. “Do you have feelings for him?” 

I think carefully before responding, not to deceive him, but so he truly hears me when I speak. 

"It's not about romance or emotion; I believe it's solely a sexual situation." 

“For now, until that changes and he replaces me.” 

“Corbin, no one can ever take your place. I'm sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt or upset you. I will keep my distance from him. I promise," I whisper, tears welling in my eyes. 

He shakes his head, walks away, and disappears out of sight without another word. 

“Corbin, please come back.” I whimper, tears now rolling down my cheeks. 

I wait for him to come back, but he doesn’t. I slump onto the sofa, hide my face in my hands, and start crying. He shouldn’t just vanish during a conversation. I felt guilty about last night, but then I didn’t, and now I’m feeling guilty again because of Corbin’s reaction. Why would he support something he clearly didn’t want to happen? 

I need to distance myself from Corran. I can't afford to lose Corbin all over again for a man I just met weeks ago. It’s not worth it. 

“Corbin, are you still here?” 

I wait for a response, but nothing happens. He is gone and will return when he's ready. He wouldn’t just leave me forever, not because of this. Hopefully, that's true. I need to steer clear of Corran as much as possible. It won’t be easy. Maybe I should consider moving. Once I return to work, things will be easier. I won’t be here as often. 

The right thing to do would be to tell Corran that nothing else can happen, but how do I do that without explaining why? I can’t exactly tell him that what happened between us upset my dead husband, whom I still see, feel and talk to. I hate lying, but if I tell him the truth, he will think I am crazy, and maybe I am, a little. It is what it is. 

I wipe my tears away, rise from the sofa, and head to the bathroom to freshen up before bed. But I doubt I'll sleep well—I'm likely to be stressed about what happened with Corbin. I really need him to come back tonight. I sigh and splash cold water on my face, then glance at myself in the mirror. My eyes look red and puffy. 

“What were you thinking?” I whisper, shaking my head. 

I got too caught up in the moment, and now everything has gone to hell. Tears well up again as I stare at myself. I quickly wipe them away, but they keep coming. I stop fighting them and scurry to bed, climbing in and hiding under the covers, breaking my heart. My pillows soon soaked from my tears. 

How did I end up in this situation? I never expected or planned to be with another man. I thought it would always be Corbin and me until the world separated us. Now, I realize I am attracted to someone else, and I’m unsure how to deal with these feelings. 

I toss and turn, finding no comfort, so I finally sit up and run my fingers through my hair. “Corbin, please, you can’t just vanish like this. I'm sorry for what happened. If you're nearby, please reveal yourself.” 

My pleading doesn’t help. He must be really upset with me. He never disappears for this long. Even if we have a disagreement, he disappears but appears again soon after. Not this time. 

I pull my knees to my chest and hug them. I hate feeling this way. 

“Stay away then! Don’t bother coming back tonight," I snap, anger replacing my sadness. 

I shake my head, get out of bed, and go to the kitchen to grab a bottle of beer from the fridge. I wish I had something stronger, but I don’t, so beer will have to do. If it weren’t so cold and dark, I might head to the nearest bar for a proper drink, but I prefer not to be out alone in the city at this hour. I collapse on the sofa and quickly drink half of it. 

“This is not how we handle things, Corbin.” 

I need to stop talking. It's clear he's not here. If he were, he would have come out by now and wouldn’t leave me waiting and upset, regardless of how annoyed he is with me. I finish my drink and get another, knowing I have a long night ahead.