Chapter 37 I Need Answers

Chapter 37 I Need Answers
Corran

I've spent a week trying to see April. I knocked on her door a few times, but she didn't answer. I only know she's alright because I asked a neighbour, and they confirmed they'd seen her. It's clear she's avoiding me. I thought our relationship was good, even after everything that happened. But now, something feels different. The only explanation I can think of is that guilt is weighing on her, and she's avoiding me to cope with it—especially now that she's back at work, which makes it easier for her to do so. 

I wish I could be okay with it, but I am not. I am not only hurt by it but also annoyed. It took a lot for me to go as far as we did, and then April turns around and does this. It is wrong. If there is an issue, she should do the adult thing and come talk to me about it. If April doesn’t want to see me anymore, she should tell me that to my face, rather than avoid me like a child. I am done with it, and we will be talking tonight. 

I have been keeping an eye out for her from my living room window as she arrives home. April can’t avoid me forever. Maybe I should let it be, but I need to know why. Yes, I believe it is her guilt, but what if I am wrong? What if I did something wrong? Was what we did not good for her? Was it an act? I have no idea, but I plan to find out. 

I notice her arrive, then go and stand outside her front door, waiting for her, trying not to look like a crazy stalker. I can’t think of any other way, since she doesn’t answer the door for me. 

Leaning on the wall, I tap my foot, waiting for her. After a few minutes, I notice her approaching. When her eyes lock with mine, she halts and starts to turn away. 

“April,” I say firmly. 

She pauses, turns around slowly, sighs, and then approaches me. “Corran, what are you doing outside my front door?”

“Because we need to talk.” 

April shakes her head. “No, we don’t.” 

She struggles to meet my gaze. She unlocks her door with trembling hands. April reaches for the handle, but I cover her hand before she can open it. 

“April, please? I am so confused.” I say softly. 
April turns her head to look at me. “Okay.” 

I remove my hand from over hers and let her open the door. Part of me expects her to slam the door in my face, but she doesn’t. April steps aside and motions for me to come inside. I have no idea how this is going to go. It may not end well, but at least I will have my answers.

As she closes the door, she turns her back to me for a moment, takes a few deep breaths, and then looks at me. She appears nervous. Why does she seem so anxious around me? I dislike this. Did I do or say something wrong without realising? 

April walks into the living room, and I follow, both of us sitting on the sofa. 

“April, what happened? Did I do or say something wrong without realising it?” 

“No, it’s not you. It’s me. I know that sounds cliché, but it’s the truth. You didn’t do or say anything wrong, Corran, I promise.” 

I run my fingers through my hair and sigh. "So, what is it? Do you regret what happened? Has guilt taken over you? I need to understand because the past week has been overwhelming. I can’t grasp why you've avoided me all this time." 

April rests against the sofa, breaking eye contact with me. “I had a dream that night after I left yours. Corbin came to me, and he was so upset because something had happened between us. Yes, I know that sounds dumb, since it is only a dream, but it felt so real. It made me feel so guilty, like I had betrayed him. I am sorry I ignored you, Corran, but I didn’t know what else to do. I could have handled it better, but it was too much.” 

“It doesn’t sound dumb, April. I understand, but I wish you had come to me. I like to think we are friends, and just because something happened between us that one night doesn’t mean it has to be like that whenever we are hanging out. We could still spend time together without that.” 

“I know, I should have. I really am sorry.” 

“It is okay. I was worried about you. I only knew you were okay because I asked a neighbour about you.” 

“I didn’t mean to cause you worry. Can we go back to how things were before our night, Corran?" 

“I like to believe we can, yes, but only if you want to.” 
April looks at me, contemplating my request. “I can give it a try.” 

“That is good enough for me. How is the new job going?” 

“Thank you. Good so far, though it has only been a couple of days. I am happy to be working again.” She smiles. 

“I am sure. Will you let me take you to dinner to celebrate your starting your new job?” 

April has no one to celebrate with, but getting a new job is a reason to celebrate. 

“I am not in the mood to go out. Another night?” 

“I can cook dinner for you, but if you'd prefer to be alone, just tell me, and I'll leave.”

I don’t want to come across as pushy. I want her to celebrate, but if she isn’t feeling it, I won’t force her. 

“Or we could just order in, and no one has to cook?” she laughs. 

I smile when I hear her laugh again. It has been strange not to hear it recently. I had grown used to the sound. 

“We can do that. Do you want to eat here or at mine?” 

“Yours. I feel like Corbin would be watching here in disapproval.” She sighs. 

I still don’t understand how she sometimes talks about him as if he’s still here, but I don’t feel it’s my place to comment. I nod and stay quiet. She then excuses herself to shower and change quickly. 

I remain still, and suddenly an eerie sensation overtakes me, as if I am being watched. A shiver runs through my body, and I look around. April's words about Corbin must be influencing me, making me feel paranoid. I shake off the feeling. He's not here. Everything is fine! It’s just in my head.