Chapter 90 : "Lionheart"

H A R R Y

Everyone buzzed about our well-deserve break from showbiz and I'm torn between being excited for it and not. The entire band decided to have that even though the management was totally against it.

I think I needed this hiatus more than anyone else in the band. I wanna think about the things that happened lately and my contract with Modest is almost about to end. I am sure that I won't be renewing with them and I'm signing up to Jeff Azoff's. Somewhat he's my great friend and I trust him on handling me.

When we ended the OTRA Tour, it was at Sheffield on October 31st year 2015. I haven't seen Tate since we broke up last June 9th and it was the most tragic. Every time we have a day off from all the touring, I always go to New York to see her and maybe talk things with her even if New York was way far from where I was staying. I always find time for her but she didn't.

After we broke up, Tate had left her apartment without me knowing it. I talked to Monique too and asked her about where her best friend maybe but she mentioned that Tate had left without telling her where she was heading. I don't know if she's telling the truth so I also tried to visit Tate's university and it seemed like she left too. Tate pulled out all her subjects and suddenly left school for no reason. That's what I heard from everyone around the campus.

Where is she?

I don't know.

I can't find her. I can't find her to places that we've been through together. I just can't find her. She hasn't updated her Twitter nor her Instagram. I think she changed her number too because I can't contact her anymore. You can't find someone who's been hiding from you.

She finally shut me out of her life much worst than how Anastasia left me. Gemma hated Tate even more for leaving but I explained to her everything. Mum and Robin thinks that Tate left for a reason. She was disappointed at her too for leaving me but she knows how I love her and I am still hoping to be seeing her again.

When the band started our well-deserved break, I began to relax a bit more and went out with other friends to get my mind off from Tate. Every now and then I think about her almost constantly than the usual. Even though we were on our break, I was still working on the studio. Not for me but for other artists. I wrote a few songs for other singers in Hollywood and it was sieving different because I wasn't the one singing it.

"Good news Harry!" Damien calls out to me.

I was around Los Angeles for a week long now and probably the week after this, I'll be off to London to visit my family and just spend some time with them.

"Guess who just hit you up to let you write a song on her upcoming album." He smirks.

"Ariana? Again?"

Damien laughs. "Demi Lovato!"

My eyes widened. "Demi? That's so cool. I'd love to work with her."

Damien handed me my phone and I began to see Demi's message for me.

Demi Lovato: Hey Harry! I'm currently working on a new album and I was really wondering maybe you can write a song for me? I heard from Ariana and the others that you're a great songwriter. I'd love to work with you! It'd be an honor. Hit me up when you say yes and I'm hoping you will. :)

I smile at her text.

Me: Hey Demi! It's a huge honor to be working with a great artist like you too. I'll be starting on writing tonight and I'll let you know once it's done. Thanks so much. H.

I worked on Demi's song for about a week or two just to get the lyrics right. My inspiration? Always Tate and how I love her.

Damien helped me on figuring out the tune fitted for the lyrics. I wanted it to sound strong but heartbreaking. I did a demo for Demi on how she should sing it so she will have an idea how the song goes. I was nervous to let her hear it and I would want her to sing it her own way. She has a very very powerful voice anyways, I'm surely excited to hear it for her to sing.

I stare at Demi while she was inside the booth and was singing my song in perfection, belting all those high notes like no sweat. I think the song seriously fitted her powerful voice or maybe because her voice is just too beautiful that she could sing any song and turn it to something wonderful like this one.

I bent my head down wiped my tears from the corner of my eyes once she finished recording the song. She kept smiling and pulled a thumbs up. She rushed out of the booth so I stood from my chair then she threw a hug at me.

"That was a beautiful song Harry." She tells me while she pulled herself away.

"Thank you. You sounded amazing. You just made the song even more beautiful." I smile.

"It's so great to be working with you because it's so easy. Thank you so much." She says.

"Not a problem. I've bought some take outs for everyone, it's all on me."

Demi gapes. "Oh! Thank you. Those are my favorites. My gosh. That's so sweet of you. Next treat's on me."

I smile. "You're welcome. I will look forward for it. Have a great dinner. I'll be heading home ahead of everyone else."

"Wait. You're not joining us?"

I shake my head. "But I will look forward for your treat Demi. Thank you for tonight." I briefly hugged her.

"Take care Harry!" Demi waves.

I waved back and bid goodbye to everyone inside the room. I head out of the recording studio right away and got inside my car. I began to drive around the streets of Los Angeles.

•••••

T A T E

Do I miss him?

Fuck, who wouldn't.

Did I regret what I do?

Fuck, who wouldn't.

Do I still love Harry?

Yes. I'm still madly and deeply in love with him.

After we broke up, I went back to New York and packed all of my stuff to leave my apartment. I told Monique I was leaving but I never told her where I was going. I dropped some of my classes from school too angel decided to go back to Spain with my father and my older brother. I wanted to forget about the things that happened and how I let a lot of people down. But I can't seem to forget how I let Harry down because I could never forgive myself for what I've done to him.

I've been working as a waitress at this small coffee shop from downtown. Dad scolded me when I got back here but I really wanted to get away from everyone that was involve. My brother, was already a manager at a five star restaurant and I was proud of him because he's already earning his own money to help dad.

It's been so long since I talked with Harry but I'm still so scared to make contact with him again that maybe he's still so mad at me for what I've done. Maybe he still hasn't forgiven me for leaving him. I know I let a lot of people down and I feel terribly bad about it.

While I was busy wiping some tables inside the coffee shop, some teenage girls enters the shop and suddenly mentioned Harry Styles. I gently squeezed the rug on my hands and wiped the table even slower just to listen to them. They were talking in Spanish but they were obviously talking about the new song that Harry wrote.

Could it be If I Could Fly? A lot people have already heard it since the album came out.

They continued to talk about it and commented how great the song was beautifully written. I walked closer to them but acted as if I wasn't listening but I was intently eavesdropping. They had headphones on their ears and listened to the song. I sneakily walked a bit closer to their table and as I glade at the iPad, I see Demi Lovato's face on the album cover.

Harry wrote a song for Demi?

"Harry and Demi should definitely do a collab with this song that he wrote." The black haired said in Spanish.

Fuck I can't see the title. I cursed.

"Her voice is so beautiful." She awes.

"Lionheart is already my favorite. On top of the list. I'm saving it on my Spotify." The other answers in Spanish.

Lionheart. That's gotta be the title.

As soon as my shift ended at ten o'clock in the evening, I walked home right away. I hurriedly googled the lyrics to Demi Lovato's Lionheart. Of course I had the lyrics on while I listened to the song at the same time. I logged into Twitter and searched for Demi's account and Harry's too. I wanted to see if Harry did write it.

@ddlovato: Lionheart was a bomb! I'm glad everyone loved it. Thanks to the genius @harry_styles! Grab your copy of my album out now on iTunes! #Confident

Harry did write it. Harry wrote it. Is it even for me? Is it still about us? Is it still me? I was doubting on listening to it but I knew I just had to. So I clicked on play and opened on the tab that had the song's lyrics.

"Your light is inside of me

Like a raging roar

Like an ocean born

You're in my veins

Your voice is serenity

When the sun goes down

And the strength I've found

Is in my veins"

Suddenly my heart feels the pain rebuilding again inside of me. I thought I already moved on from Harry but I guess I never have. My heart still loves him so much no matter how hard I try to tell myself that I don't anymore.

"Our story binds us

Like right and wrong

Your hand in mine

Marching to the beat of the stars"

My tears forming behind my eyelids faster and then rapidly falls over my cheeks the next second. I bent my head down low and my tears blurring my vision as I listen to the song with this pain inside my heart. I shake my head and told myself that I was gonna get through this and that I've been through this shit before but it still hurts like it was just yesterday.

"And we walk together into the light

And my love will be your armor tonight

We are lionhearts"

I weep silently and my breathing begins to grow faster. I wipe my tears from eyes but it builds up again the next second. I was now breathlessly whimpering and just completely lost it. I was already crying too much because the lyrics were affecting me in every way possibly that it should.

"And we stand together facing a war

And our love is gonna conquer it all

We are lionhearts"

I take a deep breath in and realized that if I stayed with him, that if I only stood with him together facing the war, our love was gonna conquer it all. But I gave up. I gave up on him. I pushed him away because I was too scared. I was too afraid to fight for us when he was the one willing to fight for us.

"You're here like a silhouette

When the darkness rules

You're the brightest moon

And I am safe"

I began to look through the photos that I have of Harry and me on my phone and felt my heart being crumpled into pieces as I listen to the rest of the lyrics. My lips tremble as I felt myself destructing when I remember the things that I have done to him that caused him so much pain. I exhale heavily through my mouth and my tears keeps on falling and falling.

"You're never far from where I am

Like a lighthouse, bring me home

You're never far from me

Let your spirit glow"

I was still crying until the song came to an end and then repeats it again. I think Demi's voice even made the song more emotional and powerful. Her high notes were unbelievable but it was truly a beautiful song. I just kept wiping my tears escaping from my eyes. And I was damn sure of what I was going through, I'm being so hard on myself even though I wanna see him so badly. I wanna talk to him and tell him how sorry I was for what I've done.

Lionheart, means very brave. But I think Harry was the lionhearted one and not me. He was the brave one because he was willing to fight for me against everyone. He was willing to fight for his love for me but I was a complete coward.

I search on his Twitter and saw a new tweet that he just posted thirty-two minutes ago.

"You were like a ship; which the captain was ready to set sail and I was like a lighthouse; the one you left behind."

I take deep breath in and exhaled. I have been rooting and stalking him even though I haven't been posting on my Twitter for months now. I noticed that I got a bunch of new messages and it was all coming from Monique a few hours ago.

@ItsMonique: Aren't you really going to tell me where you are?! I'm so worried of you!

@ItsMonique: Harry's worried of you too! Where in hell are you?? Why aren't you telling me!

@ItsMonique: he still keeps on coming to my place Tate. Asking me where you are but I don't know what to answer him because I don't know where you are.

@ItsMonique: if I only know where you are, I could've told him about it.

@ItsMonique: Talk to him already! Stop being a fucking coward and fight for him!

@ItsMonique: Check his recent Instagram post. Ignore the comments. I mean it. ASAP.

I quickly logged into Instagram and searched for Harry's account. My jaws dropped open since he posted a photo of me on that time in June 8th when we were on his four day vacation before they had to head to Austria. I read through the comments and some were bashing me because I've been posted on his Instagram in color. Fans were making it a big deal because Harry's previous posts were black and white but I was the only one in color. Most fans were asking Harry what happened to us and how devastated they were when they stopped seeing us together. I didn't know there were people who loved us.

"@harrystyles deserves happiness. Let them be!"

"EW no. She doesn't deserve Harry. #famewhore #golddigger"

"Hating fans hate her because they know @harrystyles is head over heals for her. Get over it guys! Let Harry be in love if you're real fans!"

"@harrystyles I love you so much!!! But if she makes you happy then chase after her whatever the other hateful fans are gonna say. #Lionheart"

"#Lionheart"

"I think the management had something to do with these two breaking up. Clearly Harry was so happy when he was with her. Leave the two lovebirds alone! #iHateModestManagement"

"No wonder you've been looking sickly these days @harrystyles. You sure do miss her. She even appears in your dream :("

He talks about bravery in the song. He talks about himself in the song. He talks about how he could've fought for me if I fought with him.

Fuck. Why did I even leave him?

I ran to look for my father and once I saw him, he was surprised to see me having tears in my eyes. His brows furrowing. "What happened to you?" He asks.

"Dad do you have some cash with you?" I ask with my voice shaking.

"I.. I think I have some savings with me. Why?"

"I need to fly back to New York."

He seemed surprised. "That's going to a lot of cash Tate."

"I know. But I'm going to fight for something I didn't fight for before."

I sigh heavily.

I hope it's not too late. I thought.