Chapter 89 : "Im Sorry"

T A T E

I stare at the photo that Harry took on his Instagram. It was a photo of me in black and white, facing my back to him while I was on the jabecausezi. He just posted it three days ago and a lot of hate are already typed on it. Hate on me.

But the caption that Harry typed still makes me strong despite the hatred I've been getting lately.

He quote: "The view is pretty, but she's prettier."

The past days, Harry spent his four-day vacation with me in a private resort where he rented the entire place only for the two of us. So basically the entire resort was ours. He didn't want some people to take photos of me being with him. He wanted me to himself before he goes to Austria and he wanted the two of us to relax together. He was also planning on bringing me along with him but I have other plans in mind

The days I spent with him alone, just proved to me that he must love me so much for doing so many things for me. He loved me so much that it frightens me of what's going to happen with every tomorrow I have with him. I fear what the management will do, they are capable of everything that goes around with the media. I don't want them to post something about Harry dating someone or else Harry will no doubt leave the band and the management like Zayn.

Thoughts filled my head from the people around me, from Mrs. Summers, to Harry's parents and that conversation Harry had with Gemma which I overheard a few days ago. I worry because now that I know he's willing to risk everything he all had for me and give up everything for me, I am torn between everything around us. I wanna be with him so badly and I wanna stay with him so much because he makes me happy but there are tons of toe he people who are totally against us together. He has a lot of opportunities for him that he's willing to turn his back to just for me.

Am I even worth it?

I don't know.

All I know is that I love him but I can't let him do that for me. It's all too much and I don't want people to hate me if ever that day happens.

But I promised Zayn to take care of Harry. I promised Harry's mother that I won't hurt her son. I promised Harry I will love him. I promised him but I can't let him risk everything his got just because he wants to live a normal life again with me in it. I know he doesn't want his fans to hate me and he doesn't want the management to get in between us that's why he's doing this but it's all too much. And they're already tearing me and Harry apart.

Oh fucking Christ I am so confused right now I feel like my brain is going to burst out of my ears and my eyes. I just don't know what to do anymore. I want him, I wanna stay but I can't let him do things that he's shouldn't be doing.

I haven't even told Harry about what I talked with Mrs. Summers and I haven't called them up too. I don't want Harry to know about if because I don't want him to get mad at them for offering me money just so I can stay away from him. It was a dirty move but I can't let him know about it. I don't want him to hate more the people from his management, I'm sure things are already too complicated right now. But when I think about things, I worry for Harry's future whenever I think about him giving up everything for me. He worked hard for this and he has reached this far to be giving it all up.

I stand from the balcony, with a glass of wine on my hand. I exhale heavily as I stare at the stars. It looked so peaceful tonight and I wish it's like this everyday when I'm with him. I wish it's just always me and him. I wish it'll always be this peaceful where no one tells us what to do.

But he'll always be Harry Styles.

"Why are you here?" Harry sneakily wraps a blanket around us while he kisses my neck.

I smile at myself. "It's lovely here. The sky is so beautiful at night. And I can't sleep."

"Hmmm. It is." He answers.

I began to face him. "When were you going to tell me about it Harry?" I ask.

His brows creasing. "What? What did you read about the news online again?"

He groans. "I swear to God this is because of the management's doing again. I'm innocent."

I laugh softly. "There's no news about you online being with another woman. Don't worry."

He exhales. "Good. Now what are you talking about this time? What did I didn't tell you?"

"About you not renewing your contract with your management. You turning your back to the other boys because you're doing this for me. And you giving up everything you worked for."

"Well... How'd you know about that?" He asks.

"It doesn't matter anymore how I found out about it. Why are you doing this for me? You can't give up on something that you love to do just because you love me."

"But I love you so much Tate and that's the only way to be with you. I always wanna be with you and those other things don't matter if I don't have you next to me. I'd rather lose all of them and all I worked for than lose you."

I scoff. "But I don't want people to hate me because of that. I don't want the other boys to hate me just because you're leaving to be with me. They will think I'm so selfish that I want you all to myself. I don't want you to give up."

Harry cups my cheeks and kissed my forehead then looks into my eyes. "I love you Tate. I am doing that for you. For us. And I was dead serious when I told you I will give up everything I have if you ask me to."

I shake my head and pushed him away. "But I'm not asking you to give those up! I can't let you do that Harry. I can't let you."

"Tate I can and I will."

"No. I don't want you to do that just because of me. I can't let you give up something that you love to do. I don't want you to blame me for it."

"I won't."

"No!" I said firmly to him as I push him away from me. "Stay with the band. Renew your contract with the management. Continue singing for your fans. Continue having world tours with Louis, Liam and Niall. Continue making your fans happy. A lot of people loves you Harry. Don't do this for me please."

He shakes his head. "Tate."

"Listen Harry. If you really love me, then don't give up on those things you love to do. I am not worth all of that."

"But you are." He insisted.

"God damn it Harry!!" I exclaimed at him and felt my tears building up fast.

I pulled myself away from him angrily whole he looks at me with weariness behind those beautiful Emerald eyes of his. I pace back and forth, trying to calm myself down as I try to look for words that won't hurt him but I eventually have to do it. I know I only have to say those harsh words so he would listen to me.

"Why are we fighting about this?" He asks me.

"Because I won't let you give up everything that you've got just because you want me to stay with you! I can't let that happen! I won't let you do that! Im not worth it Harry! Why are you not listening to me? Why are you doing this? Don't fuck things up just because you can't show me off!" I snapped.

"Tate, I love you. You're all I want and I've made up my decision."

"Well I've made up my decision too." I tried to stop my tears from falling.

I take a deep breath in and faced the sky as my tears fills more behind my eyelids. "Fuck.." I cursed as my tears drops on my cheeks.

I pulled my head down so I could face him. He looks at me with tears in his eyes too and the more I look into those eyes, the more it makes me want to stay with him but I know I just can't. I can't. I just can't let him lose everything just because he loves me.

"Don't ask me to break up with you right now because I can't. Don't tell me you want to leave because of my decision because I won't let you leave me just like that." His voice cracks.

I whimper inwardly and choked a sob as my tears were unstoppably flooding all over my cheeks. I shake my head as he tries to reach for my hand but I move back so he won't touch me.

"I am willing to give up everything for you please don't push me away." He adds.

"I never asked you to give up everything for me! I never asked you for those!" I feel my heart aching the more I say words that's meant to hurt him so I could find away for us to end this.

I cry inwardly. Do I really want to end this? Do I really want to end something as great as what I have with Harry? Do I want to end us?

I wiped my tears with the back of my hands and tried to stay strong. "You do things like this but you don't even know you're choking me. You're always everywhere. You want me to do things that I don't want to do and it's annoying."

I watch as Harry shake his head. "No. No. No. You're not fooling me. You're only doing this so I could hate you. You're only saying those things to me so we could break up. I'm not listening to you Tate. I will still stay with you."

"Harry! Fucking Christ!" I yelled at him.

I push my hair and he continues to weep.

"Why can't you understand? You're invading me too much. You're just too close for comfort and I hate how you cling onto me so much! I feel like when I'm with you I'm always in harm. You know why? Because everywhere I go your fans will hate me! And it won't make any difference if you give up everything for me, it doesn't matter! You're still Harry fucking Styles! And I haaaaaate how you decide things for this relationship!" I tried to get mad at him but I was hurting and dying inside.

"You're only doing this because you want to push me away but I won't leave." He reaches for me.

But I push his arms. "I will hate you if you will give up on everything you worked for. I will hate you if you will leave the band. I will hate you if you will choose me over your happiness."

Harry's tears began to crawl out from his eyes while he stays strong as he stands before me.

"Don't do this please." He pleaded.

He sobs while he wipes his years. "How can I be happy if you're not in it?"

I feed my back to him and not my inner cheek so he won't hear me crying. I bent my head down and covered my eyes with my fists.

I'm so sorry Harry. I am really sorry for doing this. I don't mean to hurt you but if this is the only way to save you from losing everything then I will take the pain. I know I need to do this to save you from ruining your own life for me.

"I'm saving you from destroying yourself. I don't wanna be the reason why I ruined your future. Your future is right in front on top of your hands, don't lose this opportunity." I tell him.

"Future? I won't be happy if you're not even part of my future, Tate." He answers me but almost sounding like a cry.

"If you don't want me to give up on everything just to make you stay then I won't. I won't leave the band. I will renew my contract with the management even if I don't want to. I will take the agony just to make you stay with me." He had difficulty in talking as he sobs.

Suddenly Harry drops to his knees and held both of my hands. "Don't go please."

I whimper as his grip on my hands tighten. He takes both of my hands close to his cheeks as he looks up to me and adds, "Don't leave me. Don't leave just like everyone else did. Don't leave me."

Harry breathlessly whimpers, "I will do everything you want me to do just don't go."

Even if we stay together the management will still separate us Harry. I'm so sorry. I didn't know being with you was this hard. I only wanted happiness for the two of us but it looks like we can't even have that. I think never.

I pull my hand away from him, "You go back on tour tomorrow but you go back on tour alone."

"What?" Harry quickly stands. "You wanted me not to give up on everything right? Then so be it. I won't give up everything anymore just like how you asked me to. Just stay with me please Tate. Please. I'm begging you please."

Oh Harry why are you making this harder for me when it's already as hard to deal with this.

I breath heavily.

"I'm sorry." I say.

"Tate. No. Not now. Please. I need you. I need you so much. Stay with me. Please. Tate please. Tate. Please. Don't leave." He cries.

I shake my head as I feel my heart breaking into thousands of pieces. "After tonight, we're done." I tell him.

"No. No. No. No." Harry holds my hand and embraces his arms around me.

I push him away and it just makes me cry even more. I feel like I can't breathe right anymore because there's so much pain inside my heart. I feel so much pain that I feel like I just want to lay on top do the bed and cry it all out until it's over. There's so much going on inside my head that I think I'm going to collapse.

"Why don't you get it? I want us to end! Why is that so hard for you to understand?" I cried.

"Don't leave me." He begs again.

"I'm sorry Harry. I love you so much but I can't stay anymore. I'm breaking up with you." I cried on the last words I say as I ran to the bedroom.

Harry chases me but I quickly locked the door and just cried. I hear him knock continuously, begging me to open the door so we could talk but I don't wanna hear him out anymore.

I'm sorry Zayn.

I'm sorry Mrs. Anne.

I'm sorry for failing all of you.

I'm sorry for hurting Harry.

I'm sorry Harry.

I'm so sorry.

Oh my god I'm so sorry.

I placed my hand over my heart and felt it hurting. I whimper as I crashed on the floor and just cried like a lost little girl while I hear Harry from the other side of the door, begging me not to do this.