Chapter 20

Arjun had gotten up before Jyotsna could rise from her sleep and before he would be forced to witness hatred in her eyes. Nobody would ever know what it had taken from him to indulge in a passionate encounter when the woman laid in a dormant and lifeless manner. It had taken away his very soul and burned into his conscience in a way that he could never bring himself to forget the tempestuous emotions.

Jyotsna had no noticeable change about her. The lifeforce had reunited with her but it felt that they were back to square one with the resentment in her eyes and the sarcasm which never seemed to leave her tone.

Something in him broke every time she looked at him with derision lining her intent gaze and he could not provide himself with an explanation for the reaction incited due to her or maybe he was not ready to accept the reason he had on his mind.

Arjun continued to take care of her, ignoring her ignorance towards him, but they never struck a conversation with each other and both had their own reasons for it - Arjun had awkwardness arising due to alien feelings in him while it seemed if Jyotsna was living only to complete a motive of her life, that is to see her child alive and undo her mistakes.

Jyotsna had not conceived that night and they had an appointment scheduled in a few minutes to look for artificial reproductive techniques which would aid them to conceive a child. It felt nostalgic and painful to visit the same hospital in which she had conceived and lost her child, but the success rate attached with the clinic had once again pulled them.

"Are you sure you want to do this again, Ms. Khanna? All of us have seen how heartbroken and shattered you were after the miscarriage. You might be forced to relive the memories," advised Dr., wondering what could have caused them to come back after whatever had eventuated. She could have placed her bet that Jyotsna would never look back at surrogacy but here she was, asking for in vitro fertilization technique once again and with the same man.

"I am well aware of the possible consequences of my actions, Dr... I assure you that I am here out of my own free will and not out of any compulsion. In fact, it was me who had convinced Mr. Ranawat here for the second try," answered Jyotsna, the chilly tone and coldness in her eyes setting Arjun 's insides on fire.

Dr. just nodded having nothing to reply to the determined woman in front of her. After asking preliminary questions required for diagnosis and an estimate of the ovulation date, Dr. realized that Jyotsna was either designed differently or her will to continue with the surrogacy is so high that she could manipulate her body's rhythm.

"It is surprising to see that your body has fallen back into the rhythm so fast, Ms. Khanna. It has been four months since you miscarried, but you have been on perfect cycles. That makes it easy to predict the date for our next meet. I think 13th of August would be the right date," stated the gynecologist, looking into Jyotsna's eyes for any sign of emotion, but she just found darkness instead, momentarily dispelled by a ray of hope upon her conclusions.

"As you say, doctor. We will be back on the 13th of next month. Thank you so much," greeted Jyotsna, rising up and shaking hands with the doctor before she staged a walkout from the cabin, closely followed by Arjun.

Arjun had never been rendered as speechless as he was back in the room. He just had no words to say, either in contradiction or in support of Jyotsna's words. There had been so much he wanted to say in front of the doctor, prompting her to stop Jyotsna from taking the step, but the conviction and determination in Jyotsna had just paralyzed him.

He took quick strides and caught up with her by stopping her with his grip on her arm.

"Why are you doing this with yourself, Jyotsna? You are almost punishing yourself. It is fine if you want to punish me, your brother, my sister or my grandmother. You are free to do it, in fact, it is your right to do it. But why are punishing yourself in the course?" he questioned, gently turning her to face him but her hand never leaving hers.

"Why shouldn't I? My inhibitions and your concern for the same lead to the death of my baby," she retorted, but there was no hint of struggle in either her body or her eyes. It appeared as if she had just given up on everything, but her emotions associated with the departed child.

"Why are you blaming yourself for it? You are not the culprit, Jyotsna. Stopping pushing yourself into guilt. It was never your fault," he explained, cupping her face gently in between his rough and warm palms as he forced her to look at him.

Normally it was the flame which burned but the coldness of her body and her demeanor had burned Arjun more than any fire could ever have. Her sarcasm was back, her body language was back, her thoughts were back but she herself was not. She was lost somewhere far away; in a place Arjun had never ventured nor thought of.

"It does not matter whose fault it was, end of the day. Why does it pain you so much if someone else is getting a choice in life? You are the same Arjun Ranawat who forced his family to accept surrogacy to fulfill their wish. When you can find your means and thrust it upon others, why cannot I? How does it matter what I feel about it? Anyways, it shouldn't matter to you, Mr. Ranawat. After all, who am I to you?" she asked, her darkness shrouded eyes pulling Arjun into the same darkness.