Chapter 21

"I am so sorry, Gudiya. It is because of my greed that you have landed in this situation. You really don't have to do this. We will pay their money back somehow. We will mortgage our home if required but don't torture yourself anymore," requested Varun, unable to bear her nonchalance for any longer.

The journey from realization of the mistake to guilt was not an easy one; it was coupled with a varied range of emotions like satisfaction to detachment, related to crestfallen, and distaste to love. Oscillating between such contrasting emotions was, needless to say, tougher than Varun ever fathomed but seeing her so disoriented and disconnected pulled unknown strings of his heart which encased her image every time she tied the thread of protection around his wrist.

He had failed her in more than one way, more than any brother would have ever and no brother ever should, yet, he could not help but hope that he would find his forgiveness one day and he would be able to compensate for the mistakes, or rather sins, he had committed.

"Mr. Khanna." Jyotsna began, only to stop when pain marred the features of her foster brother in a way she never expected.

"Why don't you call me Bhaiyya like you always used to? So much anger for me that you forgot your childhood best friend?" questioned Varun, ruffling her hair affectionately as he used to when they were kids.

They were the best of friends when they were young but as their ages grew, so did the awareness of the real world and then germinated the seed of greed and misdeed in Varun Khanna. In the throes of poverty, when realization struck him that Jyotsna was not his real sister and yet she enjoyed the best of everything they could afford since she was the youngest troubled him.

More exposure to the outside world meant that he was forgetting the true value of emotions under the garb of materialistic needs and outlook which prevailed.

"We are neither children right now nor do you consider me as your best friend. It does not even appear that you really care about me, so it really doesn't matter, Mr. Khanna," replied Jyotsna, blinking back the tears which strung her eyes at the mention of their childhood.

So many memories - both bitter and sweet- but reminiscing them brought along only nostalgia and the wish to relive them.

"Why do you say that? I still care for you all the same, Jyotsna. It is just..."

"It is just that you found more profit in swaying towards making your sister's dignity and your sister's life a deal to make profit than caring for her so you did that, isn't it?" derided Jyotsna, an insulting smirk dancing on her chapped lips.

Arjun was not the only one who had been severely affected by the vengeful return of Jyotsna's living force into her in the form of vengeance and hatred. She had filled herself with derision and condescension to the extent that they had forgotten the real Jyotsna Khanna who was hiding under the guise of a bereaved mother.

"I don't know how to convince you about myself, Jyotsna. Honestly, I don't feel like I don't know you anymore," whispered Varun, his conscience burning onto his soul as his guilt fueled the flame.

Jyotsna did not reply and went into one of her silence sessions as Varun's palm behind her head dropped abruptly as he stood up to depart from her abode.

"Take care, Gudiya. I hope someday you realize that I really love you, my childhood best friend," he wished, planting a gentle kiss on her forehead but that did not incite any kind of response from her, much to his agony.

"She still does not say anything, does she?" questioned Arjun, who has been observing the exchange through a window, when Varun walked towards him. It was Arjun 's plan which made the guilty Varun speak up to the vengeful Jyotsna, but it seemed, like many things related to her and unlike anything before her in his life, he had failed. Once again.

"Whatever she says, it is only her pain speaking. I hate myself for bringing her to this state. I knew what sense of loss does to her, yet, I pushed her into this. I truly do not deserve her forgiveness," complained Varun.

Jyotsna was always like that; little did Arjun know. She had gone into a long depression when she had lost her parents but it was the love of her best friend and her Aunt which had brought her out of it but unfortunately, she had no one to call her as her own when she lost a part of her being and that caused her to bear a scar which does not know how to stop burning.

Arjun just nodded at Varun, unable to formulate any reply to Varun. He was also a brother and he knew the kind of emotional turmoil which Varun was experiencing. Despite claiming to hate his sister and grandmother after their emotional blackmailing, he was never able to see them in pain or ignoring him.

People were wrong when they said that words could slice someone worse than any knife could because someone's silence, especially if they mean something to one's heart, can pierce one in a much fatal manner than any weapon known, thought Arjun , as he eyed the stoic Jyotsna through the glass window.

Varun could not help but wonder if the man in front of him harbored much deeper feelings than he showed towards Jyotsna and the involuntary course of happiness in him was the sign that he had approved the feelings and loved his sister sincerely.

"I am sorry, Varun. It is because of me that you lost your sister," apologized Namita, joining her hands together in apology when Varun quickly pulled them apart.

"It was never your doing alone, Namita Ji. I was equally a part of it and if I was not greedy and money-minded, my Gudiya would not be suffering today," he replied, his eyes craving to shed the tears for the loss of his sister.

"I cannot believe that because of my selfish reasons I put Jyotsna through the same pain I had once endured. How could I do it?" sobbed Namita, looking at her brother who had forgotten about everything else since Jyotsna had donned the new guise to hide her pain.

"The pain which you endured? I am sorry that you had to lose your child too, Namita Ji," said Varun, shocked that the headstrong and cunning businesswoman he had known had her own share of sorrow in her life.

"My husband had divorced me when I lost our child in my lab. I was asked to not work but I reported nevertheless because it was an emergency. During that course, I lost my child and the doctor declared that the chances I conceive in future are almost nil. That broke my husband and he slammed divorce notice on me. To avoid Nani's pressure of marrying again and giving heirs to the family, I thought of pushing Golu into it so that I could escape the situation. I did not want to dishearten Nani by telling her regarding this. Anurag was her choice and she would have hated to know that he was so insensitive. But I never knew that I grew so insensitive in the course that I had caused the same sorrow to another. I am sorry, Varun, that i troubled you with my story but I thought that I owed you an apology and explanation. After all, I know the pain of losing your sibling when they are right in front of you yet light years far from you," she revealed, reminiscing the way her brother avoided her like plague against their usual bonding of love and affection.

Two siblings had sinned against their siblings and caused them to drift apart. United in pain, separated by multiple barriers they had themselves erected, will the two pairs of siblings find their peace, or will they drift so further that solitude becomes their only solace?