Chapter 54 I Can't Without You

Chapter 54 I Can't Without You
April 

I took the bus home after work. I finished a little earlier than planned. Corran is working a little later than planned. It made more sense for me to make my own way home rather than hang around to wait for him to finish. I arrive at my front door, unlock it, and stroll inside. I set my things down before I toss myself on the sofa, kicking my shoes off. It has been a busy day, but it helped pass the day more quickly. I am exhausted. The weekend is probably playing a part in the tiredness too. I will rest easy tonight. 

I close my eyes and let my body relax for a moment. Corran won’t return for at least an hour and a half. I don’t know if he’s coming here or if we have plans tonight. Either way, I’m okay because we’ve spent the whole weekend together. It was really fun, and since I’ve been so busy, I haven’t had time to think about anything else. Now that I’m alone, I need to talk to Corbin. It’s been days since I last saw him. 

“Corbin, my love, are you here?” I ask, my voice trembling with nerves, unsure if he will appear. 

“Yes, I am here.” His voice reverberates through the living room before he joins me on the sofa. 

I look at him and smile as soon as my eyes meet his. “I wasn’t sure you would come.” 

Corbin gently touches my cheek with his fingers. “I will always come, sweetheart. You haven’t called for me or been alone for a while. I didn’t just want to show up.” 

He used to appear whenever he pleased. I don’t want that to change, but I understand because I prefer he not see me with Corran. Corbin doesn’t sound angry, but I can hear the sadness in his voice and see it in his eyes. 

I don’t need to explain what has been happening. He already knows how I've been spending my time, but I’m unsure of how deep his understanding goes. 

“I am sorry, Corbin. How much do you know? How much did you see?” 

“I know enough. I saw enough. You have nothing to apologise for,” he smiles.

“Yes, I did, because I should never have disappeared on you like that. You should be the one at the top of my list,” I whimper, tears streaming down my cheeks. 
Corbin gently wipes away my tears. “There’s no reason for tears, angel. You’re entitled to be with someone else. I can only offer so much. April, I can’t always be your top priority. We can’t be together like we used to be. You deserve happiness and love from someone else.” 

“What? I don’t plan to fall in love with him, Corbin. No matter what happens, my heart will always belong to you, and only you.” 

He lets out a heavy sigh. “April, I will always be your first love, the one you've shared so much with. The man you envisioned growing old with, but someday, you must allow yourself to love again.” 

I shake my head fiercely. “No, I don’t. You are my true love, my only love. I fucking hate the world for taking you away from me. It was cruel and unjust. We endured hell during our childhood. We fought countless battles to build a life and find happiness, only for you to be taken from me,” I sob, shaking with anger.

“April, no, it wasn’t fair. Our lives had so much more to cherish, but it happened, and we can’t change it. You can’t keep dwelling on the past or staying angry. That won’t help. You still have the opportunity to live fully, heal, and find happiness. Don’t let it slip away.”

“I can’t do it without you. It just doesn’t feel right," I whisper, my heart breaking all over again. This pain, experienced countless times over the years, seems impossible to ever fully heal. 

“Yes, you can, April. You have to. You need to live for both of us and do all the things we discussed," he responds, placing his hands over mine. 

I shake my head and stand up quickly, then walk toward my bedroom. I don’t want to run away from Corbin; I just need to regain composure and breathe before I become overwhelmed. If I lose control, I might destroy everything. It’s not the first time my anger has overtaken me because of what happened to Corbin. 

I sit on the bed's edge, sighing and massaging my temples as I breathe deeply. Soon, Corbin shows up behind me. “Breathe, beautiful. Don’t let the anger win,” he whispers. 

Sighing, I turn to him. “I am trying not to.” 

“It's okay to feel anger, but ensure it doesn't consume you as it once did. That wasn’t healthy for you.”

“No, it wasn’t. I only wish I could go back in time and tell you not to drive that day.” 

“I wish for that as well." 

"Perhaps someday. I never believed in the afterlife until you appeared." 

Anything could be possible if Corbin showing back up became possible. 

Corbin chuckles. “Nah, I am special; that is why.” 

He is attempting to lighten the mood, and it works because I laugh along. “Yes, you are. Can you lie with me for a little while?” 

He nods and lies down on the bed, while I crawl up to take the spot beside him. We then roll onto our sides, facing each other. 

“I’ve missed you,” he says. 

“I missed you too.” 

It's the longest time I haven’t spoken to or seen him since he first appeared after his death.

“You are going to be okay, April. I promise. You need to give him a chance. He is a good man.” 

I close my eyes. “He is, but I’d rather not discuss it at the moment.” 

He nods silently. I want to enjoy my time with my husband. With Corbin beside me, I believe I will eventually relax and feel okay.