Chapter 75

“More pizza.” Evangeline says holding her plate up. Carter passes her a slice.

Dinners been pretty good considering the elephant in the room. A night of celebrating. A night of living like this is normal.

Except there’s nothing normal about this. Carters leaving again to be with his girlfriend. His new girlfriend.

I push my plate away no longer hungry.

“What now?” I ask.

“Now you go back to work and Carter goes back to his new job and I will be able to do anything. Everything.”

“Carters leaving?” And pouts. Before I can speak he beats me to it.

“I’ll visit again soon. I promise. And you can call me anytime. Okay?”

She nods slowly but looks at her lap. I clear my throat and stand up.

“Thank you for dinner Elana. I should be getting her home though. It’s late.”

“Can I keep her tonight?” She asks surprising me.

“Are you sure?” I ask taking our plates to the sink.

“I’d like nothing more.” She grins at my now beaming tot.

“Okay.” I shrug.

“I’ll drive you home.” Carter says standing.

I know it’s his way of telling me that we need to talk. Instead of arguing I head out to his car.

The drive is silent. Neither of us knowing what to say to the other.

When he pulls into my driveway I sigh and nod to the house. He shuts the engine off and follows me inside.

I turn the light on and pour a glass of wine. Knowing full well that I’ll need it for this conversation.

“I feel like a lot has happened since I’ve come back. Good things and bad. I know the situation that were in isn’t exactly normal by any circumstance. I wanted to first thank you for still letting me be around Ang though.”

I smile at this. Such a Carter thing to say.

“I’d never keep you from her. She loves you. And I know that you love her.”

“Well I dropped a pretty hefty bomb on you a few days ago.”

“It wasn’t a bomb and it wasn’t like I didn’t know it could happen. It’s life Carter. Anything worth having is worth fighting for and neither of us were in a fighting position at the time. I’m happy for you. Really.”

“I believe you. And I hear everything you’re saying. So, tell me. Why does it feel wrong when I’m standing here, in your kitchen. Instead of there with her?”

“Don’t. Don’t do that thing.” I sigh.

“What thing? Honesty?”

“The thing where you say when you’re here with me it feels like you’re cheating on her. Don’t make this a thing. Okay? Things are okay here. We’re good. Let’s not make it messy.”

“It is already messy. You just won’t tell me.”

“Tell you what? What do you want me to say here? That I miss you? That I wish you weren’t in a relationship? Do you want me to beg you to stay? I can’t. I won’t be that person.”

“I want you to yell at me and scream and maybe hit me. Tell me what a coward I was. Tell me what I missed out on. Tell me something real!” He pleads.

I run a hand over my face and shake my head.

“I can’t. I can’t and I won’t. Just let this be it. Let us be this way. Okay? Please.”

“So that’s it then? You’re okay with the way things are now?”

“You didn’t give me a choice. Did you? You told me how it was and that’s how it is. You can’t take it back. You can’t change your mind now.”

“I can if you tell me too. If you tell me you love me and we can fix this. Then I can.”

The look on his face breaks my heart. I swallow around the knot in my throat and my chest tightens.

“I can’t.” I say looking away from him.

He slams his hand down on the table and I jump. I know this is good though. If he’s angry he’ll leave.

“Okay.” He says calmly. I know if I look at him he’ll be anything but.

I swallow any words left. Knowing if I open my mouth I’ll give him exactly what he wants.

He storms out of the house slamming the door and I say in relief.

I drop my head in my hands and groan.

My phone pings and I glance at it.

‘How was dinner?’

Greyson.

‘I survived the storm.’ I send back.

‘Is he still leaving?’

‘Yes. He had a new life.’

‘You’re okay with that?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Liar.’

I laugh and stand up draining my wine and going to my room. I change my clothes and crawl into bed.

I pull the covers up over my head and try to erase the last hour of my life.

Knowing I have to be up early to work Caras morning shift because Leo has a doctors appointment I try to force sleep to come. It doesn’t.

The knot in my chest gets tighter the longer I lay in bed and I try to ignore it.

After tonight he’ll be gone and everything can go back to normal. Or in my case as normal as it was.

At 2am there’s a banging on my front door. I groan and stand up.

When I open the door I see Reid.

“What’s wrong?” I ask instantly.

“I know it’s late. I didn’t want to take him to his moms because that’s where Ang is though.”

“Who?” I ask confused. He takes a step back and I see a very drunk Carter leaning on the side of the house.

I usher him inside and he flips Carter on my bed.

“I thought he had a plane to catch.”

“He missed it.”

“Clearly.” I sigh.

“I can stay.” He offers but I’m already shaking my head.

“Go home. He needs to sleep it off.”

“Call me if you need anything.”

“I will.” I sigh closing the door behind him.

I head into my room to check on Carter. He’s laying on his back with his arm over his face.

“You missed your flight.” I counter.

“There will be others.” He mutters.

“Did you find what you were looking for at the bar?”

“Nope.”

I sigh and stand up but he grabs my arm.

“What?” I ask.

“Will you stay with me? Just for tonight?” I purse my lips and nod even though he can’t see me.

If all we have is now then I’ll give it to him.

I crawl on the bed and lay down facing him.

“You should get some sleep.” I muse.

“I will.” He breathes staring at me.

“You’re a mess.”

“I guess I am.” He smiles slightly.

I roll my eyes and he rolls over so we’re facing each other.

I drift off to sleep finally.