break down

I felt sleepy, the hours dragging on like the agony i felt. “you should get some rest” the doctor called, pulling me out of my thoughts.

“oh” i looked around, seeing that it was still just the both of us. “well…” he looked at me, waiting to see what i would say but i just nodded.

“good night” i said, not bothering to look at the bed as my mind completely skipped him, i just needed to get a good night rest and…

I opened the door to the bedroom, crashing head first into the bed, pulling the blanket up to my nose so that i could get enough of his scent, drifting off to sleep…

**

The first stroke of sunlight broke into the room, waking me up from my peaceful slumber. I reached out to get my cuddles as usual, but then the harsh truth of reality hit me, causing me to open my eyes.

I was not dreaming, it had been true, all of it. “Andrew” i called, looking at the side of the bed in whicj he normally lay. It was empty.

I sat in that spot for a total of fifteen minutes at least, trying to get my emotions together but it seemed to get more and more impossioble. I dragged myself from the bed in to the bathroom. I froze in the mirror looking at what horrors i looked like.

The dried blood sat on my cheeks, looking as though i had fought war and given a second chance at life to tell the tale and then the clothes i had worn were slightly torn, happening from the whole ordeal of trying to put him on my back while i ran back into the catle.

“hello bestie” her voice was light, walking towards me but stopping a distance. “i heard of your loss so i came to visit” i chewed my innser cheeks, not saying anything for a moment.

“what do you want? Are you here to see my downfall? ato see how miserable i look?” i said, blinking away the tears.

“you think this is pain?” she said in a surprised voice. “i watched myself fall in love with the twisted person you fated me with that stupid world over and over again, without given the option to say anything. So no. This is not pain, no matter how, short, you got to experience love at his finest.. although” she said, coming to seat on the island of the bathroom so that she could face me. I saw the smug look on her face, and i knew what was coming next. It was the same thing that people, the queen and the maid… Reandel told me, rather harshly.

“i would not say he got to experience the same” she said, giving this cruel laugh.

“leave!!!” i yelled, going in for a punch but sh disappeared.

I closed my eyes for a moment, taking in a deep breath before i walked into the shower.

I watched as the blood flowed from my body down towards the drain.

“Andrew’s blood” i said in the weakest voice ever. I could not get the memories out of my head, no matter how hard i washed my face or scrubbed my hair.

I did this

I might have not plucked out his heart, i might not have made his breath cease, but i was the one, the major reason why… if only i had just worn the damn amulet, if only i was not trying to tease him or rather lie to him that i was going to Eric’s

My mind drifted back to the time where i said it, and how his heart shattered, with his eyes looking at me with nothing but pain.

I sighed, remebering how i made the last few days before his death i made it miserable for him.

A sob escaped my mouth, the shower doing nothing to hide my sobs. I could not breath, i wanted, no needed him in my hands.

“Andrew” i called out, half expecting him to rush out, as he always did. “Andrew i need you” i called out, sliding back down till i was sitting back down on the floor of the toilet. I sobbed, not having the strength to move until i saw my skin turn squishy and it looked like i was going to dissolve in the water before i got out of the shower.

A knock came on the door, pulling me out of my mysery for a moment. “yes?” i called, looking at the door, waiting for whoever it was to ope it.

The person at the other side seemed hesitant before opening, averting their eyes as soon as they saw me, which confused me,

“i am sorry” he started, still looking away from me. He looked like he was ready for the ground to open up and swallow him. “i did not know that you were bare” he said, causing me to look down and see that i was indeed naked,

“oh” i said, randomly throwing something on.

“the queen said you should come have breakfast with..”

The scent tickled my nose, causing me to look down at what i had thrown on.

It was Andrew’s robe. I could not listen to what ever it was that he was saying as i broke down again.

He stood there not knowing what to do “my lady..”

“he is gone” i wailed, shaking my head like it was going to do something about the pain i was feeling.

It took a lot, with the guard just standing there before i stopped crying. “i am sorry” i said after a while of wiping my tears. He nodded, not saying anything more.

“i would be with the queen shortly” i said, although i doubted she would still be sitting for dinner as i had cried for at least an hour.

I dressed, throwing on the nearest thing i could touch, making sure that they were my clothes this time…