selfish

“Reandel?” i looked at him, not believing my eyes… all along, the woman i thought i should be jealous of…

“i told you to watch over him!!!” he yelled, taking a step into my personal space, making me take one back. “i told you to take care of him and then i come back and you..”

“i did nothing. I just..”

“EVERYTHING!!” he yelled, cutting me off. “i watched how you treated him, making him.. “ he was at a loss for words, making it difficult to say anything. “you practically killed him, even though he fought to give you everything you could ever wish for”

I kept quiet, he was right. He was fucking right and i knew it.

“you should have left the first week you arrived” he said more to himself than to me “if only i made my stand then… he shook his head, looking at me one last time before leaving me alone in the hallway.

I took in a deep breath, letting the panic run through me. I took in deep breaths before finally deciding to go back to his side.

I felt as though i was drowning, looking at the very familiar hallway which did not seem as bright anymore. He was not around to make it bright.

“what are you doing?” i said, opening the door to find the doctor having several things attached to him.

“he was a blue blood, so i would need to drain him of the blood as it would be too precious to waste.” i felt my body turn to ice at his words. I did not appreciate the effort, or what ever it was that he was doing.

“stop it” i said, taking a step to go and remove the tubes tied all over him.

“i am afraid you can’t” he said, standing in between me and the body. “i am afraid it is common, with his blood we could save many illnesses and it was his highness’s dying wish that we used it for this purpose” i looked from him to the man at the back or at least what used to be a man, now, it was just a shadow of what used to be, a shell.

I gulped, trying to suppress the felling of whatever was going on inside of me. “ i…”

“he wanted you to have some things” he said, pulling me away from the clinic into a small room, just opposite the clinic. '“it was his safe haven. He did not let anybody know about this place” he said, a little smile to his face as he spoke. “i found him here once, when he was unconscious and…” he gulped, his throat going up and down in the process.

“i would leave you to it” he said, looking at me one last time before he walked out of the room, leaving me to the room and every thing that was contained in the room.

I took in a deep breath, his scent was heavy in this room, just like it was in our room, but over there, it was a perfect mixture of his and mine while here? It was just his, purely his own. It felt wrong walking through his things, he left it in this position for a reason, and touching it did not feel right, not even in the least way possible.

I took in another breath, walking towards the shelf, they were books, stacks of them. I reached out to the most reacent one which had my name on it.

It felt… odd in my hands.. that was the only way i could explain it i flipped through it, landing at the most random spot.

It really did say nothing of impotance, just drawings, several drawing of me. I felt my heart melt looking at the drawings.

I took in a deep breath. It was too much to take in. I needed to leave, for my own sanity.

I rushed out as fast as my legs could carry me back to the clinic.

It was not any better. I entered, meeting the last of his blood being completely drained, looking nothing more than flesh and bones at this point. I bit my inner cheeks, fighting tooth and nail to keep the tears at bay.

“i got this on him” the doctor said, giving me the amulet. “it was the last of his power. I begged him not to go, telling him that his core needed a few more days before he got back to health but seeing that you were not with the amulet made him loose it. He was scared that you could have been hurt without protection.” he said, cleaning the body from the excess blood.

He did not sound like he was judging me, he did not sound like he was accusing me of killing him, if anything, he only spoke in admiration about Andrew.

“you are not judging me?” i said, my eyes still fixed on the body, taking in the last memories i could of his face. The well defined jaw which did not seem so defined anymore, his perfect nose and the famous pale skin which was as white as a ghost now.

“i could never do that. You were the one he loved the most. I know that becaus he could have as well; sent the guards to get the job done, but he went himself. You were the exception to the selfish Caudly and i can never speak bad of you for that reason..” he said, looking at me with a sad smile.

I tried to return the smile even though we both knew that behind our smiles were two people, hurting desperately for the same person but in different ways

His words struck me, causing me to have my legs almost give out. ‘i was the exception to the selfish caudly’ the words played in my head over and over, making it difficult for me to breath.

“if i did not call him selfish” i said to myself, looking up to the doctor who carried on with his work as he did not hear me…