33

33
The plane is way bigger than I thought. It’s luxurious. She must’ve called in a hell of a favor. 

I lay on the bed in the cabin and look out the window. I’m surprised we’re not being shot down. There’s nice bathroom, and a change of clothes. I wash, my blood washing down the drain, I brush my teeth and look at myself. 

I’m not sure what I see. I sit down across from her.

“Can I tend to your wounds?”

“I don’t have any. The shocks weren’t enough to burn, and there are no wounds from waterboarding either.” 

She nods to my wrists, the first aid kit in her lap. I look down at them. They’re bloody and raw. I’d forgotten. 

I offer them to her. Red doesn’t meet my eyes. She carefully focuses on the wound, cleaning it, sanitizing it, dotting alcohol and antiseptic. Then she meticulously wraps them.

“Scouts, huh?” I murmur.

She flinches but says nothing. “You’re done. How do you feel?”

“Like shit.”

Scarlet nods softly, her eyes on her lap, hands folded. 

“Why won’t you look at me?” I ask, examining her face. Her brow is furrowed, her hands are shaking.

She swallows roughly. “How could I look you in the eyes after what I did? Could you?”

“Absolutely.”

Her head snaps up. 

I shrug. “I’m the best. Why do you think that is? I am devoid of true human emotions. Everything I feel is a pantomime of a real person.”

I look away. “If you were my mission I wouldn’t feel any guilt at all.”

Scarlet scoffs. “You know that’s not true.”

“Isn’t it? I was a mark. That’s what we do. I don’t know why you insist on being so bent out of shape about it. It’s not personal. I get it.”

She’s silent. The clouds look light. I know they’re not. They’re full to the brim with rain, heavy and burgeoning. It’s pretty though.

We sit that way for a while. 

There’s nothing else to say. Sorry? She’s said it million times. I love you? Could either of us believe that? You can kill me? We both already know that. Besides, we both know I won’t.

“It doesn’t really change anything.” My eyes focus on the clouds. So pretty.

“What do you mean?”

“I love like a dog. This doesn’t really matter. I still love you.”

I see her in the corner of my eyes. Her face is crumpled, her palm on her chest, clutching it. 

“Don’t say that.”

“It’s true though. I don’t care that you betrayed me. I’ve pulled a knife out of my back a million times before. I’m just relieved you’re safe.”

Scarlet stands, stumbling away. “Kyro—“

I smile, close my eyes. “It’s good to hear my name. My real name. I’d almost forgotten until I gave it to you. What did you think then?”

“…I felt a pang in my heart. My conscience bit at me. You…trusted me.”

“I did.”

We sit with it again. I wish I was lying, honestly. That I had more self-respect. But even with this betrayal—and it is a deep betrayal—she’s still the best thing I’ve ever had.

The closest I’ve ever come to being loved. My own father has done worse. 

I love like a dog.

Does a dog stop loving you when you starve it?

Does it stop loving you when you beat it?

Does it stop loving you when you neglect it, leave it out in the cold and the rain?

Unconditional devotion is all I have to offer. And once I’ve given it…I don’t know how to take it back. It hurts. I can admit it. It feels like my heart has been ripped out. I feel her fingers closing around it, the muscles separating for the chest wall.

But it still beats in her hand. Even when I look at it bitterly. It still beats in her hands.

“I can’t accept that. I can’t treat you like that. I’ve done enough. You’ve done enough. You don’t wanna to play anymore, remember?”

I smile. My fingers are numb from the lack of blood flow still. I wouldn’t feel the pen swirling between my finger.

“You have to, though. You promised you’d love me. Are you going to abandon me now?” 

Scarlet collapses back into the chair, her head in her hands.

I finally look at her. She’s beautiful. Her hair is up. She’s ina light blue button up, a black pencil skirt. She’s wearing glasses. I guess she had contacts in?

It’s really upsetting her. Betraying me. Why? It’s to be expected. Really she’s a shitty spy for the guilt. But I guess I’m shitty spy for trusting her.

That’s what trusting gets you, didn’t I say that once? A bullet in your head.

“Someone will love you—”

I raise her chin, forcing her eyes to connect with mines. They dart away, I follow them, turning her face to me. 

“I want you to. You told me you would. I liked it, your love. You promised.”

Her eyes soften. They sparkle with unshed tears. I’ve never seen so much emotion out of her. 

“Kyro…I do love you. But you’re worth more than me. I’m a traitor.”

“Did you love your country?”

Her eyes are the same. Thank god.

She nods. 

“More than me?”

She pauses, and then nods softly. 

“And now? Do you love them now?” I whisper.

She shakes her head. “No.”

“And me?”

Her eyes soften more, melting almost. “Of course I love you, Kyro. But—“

I let her go. Crawl to her, lay my head in her lap. I look up at her. Her haughty look is gone. She looks drained. I wrap my arms around her middle.

“You can’t leave now. You owe me. You come with me. We’ll be on the run forever probably, until one of our agencies find us and kill us. Love me until then.”

She strokes my hair. “Okay. I understand. I will. I’ll love you till then. I promise.”

I smile. It’s not so bad my wounds. I have a salve now. Honestly this is a win. I escaped, I have her now. She’s indebted to me.

It couldn’t have worked out better. I’d wondered how I was going to take her and leave. I knew I couldn’t convince her, she’s not the type to up and go especially without a reason.

She’s a spy. But I’m a liar. 

A little betrayal never killed anyone.

Well…

I smile against her skin. She’ll have to stay now. Her guilt won’t let her hurt me a second time. 

“You can…do what you want. Get revenge.”

I ignore that. She still smells like vanilla. She’s still soft. Her touch is light, scraping my scalp just the way I like.

I warned her I was a monster. That I wouldn’t let go.

It’s the best revenge I could give her—being chained to me. She can never have anyone else. Just me.

Just me. Just me. Just me just me just me—

“Scarlet? It’s your name isn’t it? Your real one?”

She nods softly. “Just with two t’s” I scoff. Not even a code name. It’s a common name, I guess. She’s a good pretender, but she’s not a very good liar.

Not anymore. Not ever really. When she didn’t care about me, and she treated me like she didn’t care about me. Then she did, so she treated me like she cared about me.

At best she’s lied by omission—the easiest kind of lying.

Why did they send her to me? She’s not a bad enough person for me to be her mark. 

Maybe they knew that too. That she was authentic. It was the only way I’d fall for it. 

“What can I do for you? I’ll do whatever—“

“Just shut up, Red.”

She goes quiet. Good. I don’t need begging. It doesn’t even sound right from her. I pull her shirt, untucking it from her skirt. She goes rigid, but I don’t mind it. I pull it up further, rest my face against her bare skin.

I rub my nose against her. Feel her breath hitch. Her hands hover over me.

“Touch me.”

The feeling of her fingers brushing through my hair. She hums the tune, my tune. It’s mine now. Everything she is is mine.

I feel somewhat bad for her.

“Tell me you love me,” I demand.

“I love you.”

“Again.”

“I love you.”

“Again.”

“I love you.”

“Again.”