34

34
Scarlet’s asleep next to me. I watch her breathe. It’s mine. Every breath. It’s easy to want break during torture. It’s human, a pesky side effect from wearing this skin.

Besides, I thought she was dead. I thought she was bleeding, hurting, crying—crying for me to save her. 

That’s what broke me most. Not knowing.

How can I be at peace not knowing where my owner is? Maybe she’s right. Maybe I should respect myself more. What would that get me? A life on the run, alone, never having anything or anyone.

Now whatever I do…she must forgive me. I can stop lying. 

It’s worth it. Her face is still scrunched up. Is she having a nightmare?

I ease her brow. “Stop fretting,” I murmur. “Just sleep.”

She doesn’t though. She wakes up in a cold sweat, sitting up, her chest heaving.

Her eyes dart to mine. “Kyro.”

I cock my heard. “Yes?”

“You’re here.”

I nod. “Yes. I am.”

She looks between my eyes, a look of wild desperation in them. She can’t reconcile it. Can’t let it go. She’s so cute.

The guilt is drowning her. I would never feel guilt over this. Not even to her, I don’t think. Not to the point I couldn’t look at her after.

If I’d known she was a spy, I could even watch her be tortured to the extent I was, and I’d feel a little bad. But not this bad. 

“Aren’t you a spy, Red? Why are you this soft? Haven’t you taken lives with these hands? Did you look like this?” I take them into mine.

“Yes,” she whispers. “Many. And I’ve betrayed so many. But…never like this.”

I smile. So I really got to her. I like that.

“Tell me your first time,” I stroke her palm. “The first time you killed.”

She’s silent. I feel her shiver, her hands start to shake.

“I…” she takes a shaky breath. “I was 14. They scouted me early, I was in military school. Top of my class.”

14? 

I look up at her. Her eyes are glazed over. She’s there. 

“We were trained not to feel. Not to get attached. They scouted me and three other of my classmates. There was only one spot.”

Her hands fist in mine. I kiss them. Ease her nails out of her palm.

“Kimberly and Hannah. I went to school with them for years. They put us in a room. There was one knife. No food. One bucket for water. The other…”

That look. I know that look. 

“You can stop,” I whisper. “Stop.”

“We tried to band together at first. Tell them it was unfair, that we wanted to go home. But it was silent. We were alone. For a few days, we stared at the knife. We wouldn’t touch it. We promised.”

“Red,” I pull on her hand. “It’s okay.”

“I was the first. I was so hungry. So tired. And I saw their eyes. We were all breaking. Someone was going to grab it. Someone had to be the villain. I decided it would be me.”

I can’t see her that way. Can’t picture her so small, and vulnerable. I don’t like it.

“I hacked my way out. Slashing and stabbing in a wild frenzy. I couldn't see or think. Just heard the squelches, the muffled screams. And a voice in my head repeating: I’m so hungry. I’m so hungry.”

The plane is dark. The shades drawn. I can see her face though. The pain contorting it. 

“They still made me sit there for a while. To get used to death. To sitting with it, sitting in it.”

She looks over at me and smiles sadly. “But it would be a few years before I had to kill again, at least. So I’m thankful to my friends.”

“I guess that was the first time I betrayed someone I actually loved. I tried not to make that mistake again. Loving someone.”

I sit up, put my arms around her, pull her into my chest. Hold her tight to me. Feel her shaking body, the trembling fingers on my arm.

“Stop comforting me. Please. It just makes me feel worse.” She pulls away.

“Stop pulling away from me,” I yank her back. “Don’t pull away from me. Look at me. Look me in the eyes.”

Her dark eyes find mine. We are the same cloth. We can both see in the dark, we live in it. 

“All of it is mine. Don’t hide it from me. Don’t be afraid. There’s nothing you’ve done that I haven’t—or worse. We’re the same.”

Not exactly true. I’m worse by a mile. But I don’t say that. I keep lying. 

I want all of her. I want to scoop every part of her out and consume it. It’s a primal, visceral need and this has only increased it. I feel like I earned it.

I stroke her hair and kiss her head. “It’s okay. You’re safe. You’re with me. You’re with Kyro.”

She laughs a watery laugh. And I just smile. I’m so happy.

It feels so good. 

I want more. Something more. What do I want from her?

I put a bit of space between us, grab her wrist. Pull her hand to my face, leaning into her palm. 

“I’m here. I forgive you. It’s okay.”

Her thumb strokes my face, her eyes taking me in. She’s looking at me with those eyes. She doesn’t see anything else. 

It feel so good. I’m the only thing she cares about right now.

Her one and only.

“Kyro, I see the look in your eyes. That dirty look in your eyes.”

Oh. I forgot. She looks at me and she sees me. I gasp and look away.

“It’s okay,” she turns my head.

We take turns comforting one another, Red and I. No one else could. 

“I’ll give you what you want. I owe you. I want to. I love you.”

My eyes at the words. I feel myself stiffen my heart beat racing.

Scarlet leaned in, brushing her lips against mine. “Since we’re both traitors now, all we have is each other.”

Yes. Only me. Only her.

“I’m happy about that,”

I shiver. “You are? Happy to be chained to me?”

She smiles. “You’re a lovely chain. Very pretty.”

She always knows exactly what to say, my Red. I’ll drag her down to hell with me. I’ll need her company there too.

“Thank you for forgiving me, Kyro.”

I just smile. “No. We forgive each other, remember?”