32

32
They unhook me from the shackles, I collapse onto the floor, boneless. My mind is empty. 

He says he’ll let me sit with that betrayal, let it break me further before he comes back for more.

I wish I could see her again. I want her to hum that song to me. I’ve forgotten it.

It couldn’t have all been fake. I know it wasn’t. I know her.

Or maybe I don’t. Maybe I got fooled into thinking I was loved again. That would make sense. It happens to me so often.

My head lulls to the side, my eyes fixed on the wall. I’m bathed in darkness, pitch black. I can only see her. That moment replaying itself over and over.

It’s time. I want to take the capsule. But I’ve lost the strength to do anything, even die. I replay every moment, every kiss, every laugh, every touch, every conversation.

I see the lies. I see the manipulation, I see it all. Clear as day now. But still.

The buzzer sounds. Another round I guess. Whatever. I can’t feel anything anyway.

Hands pick me up, drags me towards the door. 

“Come on, help me out. We have to get out now we don’t have much time—”

“Red?”

She doesn’t respond, just keeps half-dragging me, through the maze of rooms. 

“Why are you doing this? They’ll kill you.” I murmur.

“Shut up. We need to get out of the country, now.” 

“You lied to me.”

She says nothing to that either. We get in an elevator. It’s empty. Why is it empty?

She answers my silent question.

“Someone pretended to bring one of the nuclear kids here. they had to quarantine for radiation. Hurry up.”

“They’re gonna know it was you—“

“Stop talking about me! I did this to you. We’re almost there, come on.”

She throws me in a waiting fan. I wince at the moonlight’s eyes adjusting to the sudden light. She takes the drivers seat and speeds away

“We’ll go to an island. They can’t extradite us, it’s hard to get spies there. I have passports for us. Money.”

She throws a duffel bag to me. “Weapons. Get one, get whatever you need. We might get pursued.”

I grab a shotgun. “Why are you doing this? It’s fine I…I didn’t need your help.”

“You were just going to die. I know.” She takes a hard right, we’re almost on two wheels. “I have an old friend, he’s a pilot. He’s waiting for us.”

“Why are you putting your life on the line for me? What’s the point? You did this to me, Red. How could you do this to me?”

She looks back at me, her eyes sheened over her face etched with a frown. “I thought I was doing what’s right. I thought…they said you were terrorists. You wanted to take our land and kill our people.”

She turns around. “I thought…I thought we were the good guys.”

I chuckle humourlessly. “We all do. We’re all wrong.”

She takes a hard left. Checks her mirrors to see if we’re being followed. 

“Everyday of my life, I was taught the only good Valterran was a dead one. That you were a backward country, unable to be civilized by the Austriland Empire.”

I look down. I’m so tired. Really. I want to give up now. I just can’t keep going like this.

“I didn’t know about the children. I didn’t know about the war. The atrocities my people committed. I didn’t know until it was too late. Until I had too much blood on my hands. Until you.”

“Why me?” I don’t know who I’m asking or about what. 

“You grieved what you did. You were remorseful. You were human. And none of them. None of them at the agency did that. Not even my father.”

I nod. “And look where being human got me.”

There’s silence. Just a scream, a constant scream that’s blurred into white noise.

She smells like vanilla. It would be nice to die. Since I’ve seen her now.

“Don’t close your eyes. Don’t give up. I don’t expect you to forgive me, Kyro. It’s okay if you kill me, I deserve it. But let me get you out first. Please.”

“I don’t want to kill you, Scarlet. I never wanted to kill anyone.”

Her eyes shine with tears. She breaks down in sobs. I look away. 

“I’ve done the same thing. Going deep undercover. Getting close and backstabbing. Its the nature of the job.”

“Stop. Just stop. I should’ve just…left then. I should’ve taken you with me and left. something in my heart told me it wasn’t right. But I thought it was just because I…”

She swallows the words.

I rest my head against the paneling of the van. “You should go Scarlet. Run. I’ll wait until they can take me. They won’t care as much if they get me back.”

Scarlet stops talking to me. She drives faster.

“Don’t forgive me. Don’t ever forgive me. Hate me. Hate me and kill me, but don’t die.”

It’s all so exhausting. I don’t owe her that anymore. I don’t owe anyone my existence. I’m not afraid to die. 

“This isn’t something you deserved. I know—“ she pauses. “I know you always blame yourself, Kyro. This isn’t your fault. It’s mine. I was blinded. I was stupid—“

“You were a spy. You did what spies do. If you didn’t do it to me, I’d have done it to you.”

Can I die now? I can. My tongue ghosts over the capsule.

“Don’t.”

I look up at her. She looks at me in the rearview. She always knows, huh?

“Will you hum me that song? From your nightmare?”

She stares at me in the rearview, eyes searching for something in mine. I look away.

Scarlet hums. I close my eyes. It’s a nice tune. I’m glad I can remember it.

“Is it really from a nightmare?”

“…Yes. My mother was singing it…before she was killed in front of me. It’s why I don’t know how it ends. It was a nightmare. But it was real.”

I close my eyes and nod. “Sorry.”

“Don’t feel sorry for me. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“If you’re sorry, let me go.” I murmur.

“I am. I’m getting you out—“

“You know that’s not what I mean.”

“…Kyro.”

“You won. I don’t wanna play anymore,” I put the shotgun down and close my eyes. “I’m not gonna play anymore.”