Chapter 36 Out of my system
NANCY'S POV
The silence that followed stretched thin. I should have left immediately, but I don't know why I didn't.
I had no idea why I stood there without moving until he spoke again, agreeing with what I said, "Yeah, you're right."
"It already did."
Without meaning to, I turned around, only to realise he hadn't moved, but the look on his face was different. It was no longer impassive and rigid.
My eyes lifted in surprise, confused as to what had caused the sudden change.
Mr. Landon went on speaking.
"What happened already happened, and we can't undo it, but I can tell you this, pretending it didn't happen isn't going to work."
"It isn't?" I blurted out before I could stop myself, then snapped my mouth closed.
Who was he to say that? How the hell would he know, he wasn't the one who had to put up a facade....Unless...
My breath caught in my throat as the thought formulated.
...Unless he was pretending too.
No.
That couldn't be.
Why would he need to pretend to be okay? He wasn't me, he didn't like me, he...
I cut that train of thought off before it escalated into something else. This wasn't the time for me to immerse myself in delusion.
"No, it isn't," I muttered truthfully.
He was right.
Pretending and avoiding wasn't doing me any good; it just left me wondering.
My fingers tightened slightly at my sides. “So?”
He didn’t answer immediately; instead, he kept his gaze on me, watching as though I was something that needed measuring in accurate amounts, and stupidly, my pulse spiked.
My heart raced even faster when he drawled out, "So..."
I couldn't guess what he was about to say, which made it even stranger that my pulse was spiking.
"Since ignoring it is making it worse, why don't we just stop?"
Of what he said, two things hit me hard.
Actually, it was all of it.
For one, he'd said ignoring it was making it worse, which wasn't wrong, but I was flummoxed that he applied it to himself, too.
Secondly, he'd said to stop.
What did that even mean?
I moved to ask him, but he explained himself before I could even let a word out.
“I’m saying..." He paused, like even he wasn’t entirely sure if saying this aloud was the right move. "I'm saying we should deal with it instead."
My brows furrowed, "Deal with it how? You're going to need to be clearer than that, Mr Landon. I don't understand what you're saying."
He looked away for a brief moment, and it looked as though he was pondering his decision a second time, but then his gaze alternated back to me.
"I'm saying we should stop pretending."
My heart skipped a beat, but reality hit even faster. "You weren't even pretending, I was," I frowned.
"I was."
The admittance was not one I was expecting, and my pupils enlarged.
"You were?"
"Yes."
Without faltering, he added, "I have been pretending like this isn't affecting me too, but it is."
"So," I chuckled, trying to get the facts straight. "What you're saying is that you were emotionally affected by what happened, too, and now, you want us to stop pretending it didn't happen?"
"Yes."
My eyes widened even more, and I let out a couple of light scoffs, doubting my ability to comprehend.
"It was you who told me to wipe what happened off my head," My voice rose accusingly, and immediately after, I glanced towards the entrance awkwardly, scared that I had drawn someone's attention.
Luckily, I hadn't because I didn't hear footsteps even after a few minutes.
I breathed in hard then continued, still staring at him in wonder. "And now, you're proposing what?"
"That we lean into it." He answered expressionlessly.
"And by leaning into it, you mean..." I tilted my head with a questioning look.
"We get together, spend time together, stop ignoring this heat between us."
My jaw slackened, and I stared at him as if he had grown two heads.
No, it was more like I stared at him as if he had been switched out because this couldn't be Mr Landon.
This couldn't be the same man who just a couple of days back had been telling me what happened was a mistake that should never happen again.
"We get together?"
“Yes,” he agreed immediately.
That made me look back at him. His lack of hesitation was even more astounding, and I let out a sound that bordered between disbelief and anger, "This is insane.
“It is,” he responded, still looking at me without an iota of expression on his face. "And that's why it needs to be controlled."
In the same breath, he went on, "I have come to realize that I am a man with needs and I can no longer deny that I find you attractive and it's obvious you feel the same...."
"Wait..." I lifted my hand, stopping him before he could proceed further. "You're doing this because of your needs?"
My lips parted incredulously, but even at that, he didn't deny it. "Yes."
“Wow.” I let out a short breath. “This is ridiculous.”
“Is it?” he asked, sounding like he genuinely didn't understand why I was so surprised.
“Yes, it is," I snapped, now pissed that he could even dare say something like this to me.
He nodded once as though he understood, "I guess I can understand why this might sound ridiculous to you, but I think it is better than letting this spiral into something neither of us can control."
His words settled between us, and I fell silent, thinking.
This thing between us, it wasn't going away. It didn't matter how much I avoided him; I couldn't get what happened that day out of my head, and every time I laid my eyes on him, everything just came rushing back, regardless of whether I wanted it or not.
"What I'm saying in essence is that we define this and give it a timeline within our control.
My fingers curled by my side.
“...How long?” I asked before I could stop myself.
His eyes deepened on me, and then he said, "Six months."
The number hit harder than I expected.
“Six months?” I repeated.
“It’s about enough time,” he said. “To get it out of our system.”
To get it out of our system.
I don't know why that statement stung as badly as it did, but I didn't argue.
Part of me understood what he meant, and maybe part of me agreed with it, too.
Maybe he was right, maybe spending time with him would help me get this want, this darn desire for him that shouldn't exist, out of my system.
In seconds, I equated it to someone falling in love with a particular dish, wherein they began to eat it for every meal.
Once they'd had enough of it, they would soon get bored.
Maybe that was how my feelings for Mr Landon were.
What if it wasn't as serious as I imagined?
Maybe it was just something I needed to get out of my system.