Chapter 37 The Arrangement
NANCY’S POV
By the time we got back to the living room, I felt like I was walking on a wire.
Nothing has changed since I left. The TV was still on, and Diana was still talking while Nathan's smile remained as though it had been permanently tattooed on his face.
However, inside of me, I was losing it, and nothing was the same.
I could even say my state of mind was much worse than before I left the room.
Who told me to run into Mr Landon in the kitchen, and who told him to propose this...
Wait, what was the word for it?
Right, arrangement.
He had proposed a six-month arrangement between us to get 'it' out of our system.
By that, we meant we would fuck as much as we wanted to and spend as much time as we could together until we both grew bored of each other. technically, until he grew bored with me and moved on to another woman.
The worst part was that he was attractive enough to get one, too.
Everything we talked about just didn't make any sense, and it was even more ridiculous that I had agreed to it.
Six months.
The word echoed in my head like the beep of a bomb I'd stepped on, and maybe it really was a bomb waiting to explode.
There were so many possibilities that could take place, and even more outcomes that could happen beyond our expectations.
“You were gone forever," Diana voiced in complaint the minute I stepped back into the room, but then, her gaze swept to the space behind me.
I didn't even have to glance back to know that she was looking at Mr Landon.
She had this look that questioned why we had been in the kitchen together, and I guess then that just like me, she hadn't seen him walk past.
"Seems like you guys made up," She said, eyes flicking between him and me.
I said nothing in response to that and walked over to hand both her and Nathan the glasses of orange juice I'd recollected to pour for them right before leaving the kitchen.
An exception was made for myself; I didn't really think I could stomach anything.
"Did you guys really make up?" Diana's gaze trailed me as I walked back to my seat, while I was staring at Nathan, who looked lost as to what was going on.
"That's enough, Diana," I gritted out through a forced smile, giving her a warning glance to drop the topic.
She glanced at Mr Landon, then reluctantly did so.
Nathan's gaze hadn't left me once since I walked back in, and now, we were both staring at each other, silently judging.
Eventually, I was the first to break the look.
"Nancy," Diana called, and my eyes shifted to her. "Nathan was just telling me what happened before he decided to run away. You didn't tell me all of that."
"I didn't want to worry you," I responded dryly, not really in tune with the conversation she was trying to engage me in.
But largely, it was because I didn't want to revisit that part of my life.
I could still remember returning to our house from school and running up to Nathan's room, wanting to rant to him about something Dad had done, only to see that he'd disappeared on me.
It was a painful memory I would rather not recall.
Nathan must have noticed my odd look because he distracted Diana by talking about something else while I let out a breath I didn't even know I was holding.
I made eye contact with Mr Landon then, and involuntarily, my back straightened. He stared at me for a minute, then turned his gaze, walking over to take a seat at the far end of the room away from me.
Diana and Nathan paused speaking briefly, but then resumed their conversation as if they hadn't been interrupted.
I lowered my head and inwardly began to lecture myself.
Don't even...
I brought my hands into my lap and folded them tightly together, as though that could give me strength.
Don't even look at him.
Don't you dare....
“Are you okay?” Nathan’s voice cut through my thoughts.
"Huh?" I lifted my head and blinked at him, trying to think back to recollect if he'd said something while I was immersed in my thoughts.
"Are you okay?" He repeated, studying me with concern.
"Yeah, I'm fine," I said too quickly, then enunciated in an even more careful tone, "I'm fine."
Nathan saw right through me because he gave me an unconvinced look.
"Are you sure about that? You have been off."
Finally, he was addressing the elephant in the room. Here I was thinking he didn't notice how off I was because he didn't care anymore.
I guess I was wrong after all.
"Wait, what's going on?" Diana interrupted before Nathan could speak again. "Thinking about it, Nathan's right. You have been off."
My gaze shot to her, and then I glanced at Nathan. We shared a look, and unspoken words passed between us.
Understanding me, he sighed lightly then tapped the space between him and Diana, "Forget it, I don’t think she wants to share now."
I had to assume it was because of Nathan, but unlike what she would have done on a normal day, Diana let it be.
Later, about an hour later, I would say, Nathan got ready to leave, and when he announced his departure, Diana nearly whined like a child whose piece of candy had been confiscated.
I hated to say it, really, but it was embarrassing. I didn't point that out, though, even when she went on with her childish whine, saying to Nathan, "Do you really have to go?"
"We have a spare room you can use."
The invitation couldn't be more obvious.
Nathan politely declined with an amused smile, "Thank you for having me."
"You should come over some other time," Diana said in defeat.
"I will," Nathan promised with a smile.
I stood further behind, watching them, and after the brief hug that signaled the end of their exchange, I stepped forward to face my brother and nudged my head out the door, indicating that we needed to talk.
He got the signal, and he said to me, "You should walk me out."
The cool night air swept against my skin when we were outside. We stood facing each other, and for a while, neither of us spoke.
Then, I asked in a soft voice, “Why didn’t you come back?”
I didn’t tell him, but I had always hoped he would.
He exhaled slowly, then slowly pulled his hands into his pockets with a slow shake of his head, “It’s…It’s complicated, Nancy, you wouldn't understand.”
“Then make me,” I stared searchingly at him, trying to convince him with just my gaze that he could confide in me.
He let out a deep exhale, and I knew right then that I wasn’t going to get anything out of him.
I frowned. “Nathan…”
“I'm sorry, Nancy.” He gave me an apologetic look.