Chapter 35 Lines crossed
NANCY'S POV
Resting my hands against the counter, I stared at the surface, letting out deep breaths while internally questioning myself why I was feeling like this.
Tonight was supposed to be a reunion between myself and Nathan, but we had barely spoken.
Well, it was partly because Diana had refused to leave his side, but we could have found our way around that.
I didn't doubt that she would leave us alone if I asked her to, so why didn't I?
"Are you okay?" A soft voice I wasn't expecting filled the silence.
My body went rigid in an instant.
I stood there for a long minute without looking back, then slowly turned to face him, "I'm fine."
He didn't question that, he just stared at me without speaking.
The way he kept staring at me soon made me feel exposed, and I subtly reached my hand behind me, gripping the edge of the counter hard to help me feel steady.
"You have been avoiding me."
Those words made me freeze.
A couple of seconds later, I shook my head and let out a really awkward laugh, "Avoiding you?'
"No, I'm not."
Mr Landon's look didn't lift, and it made the atmosphere turn even more awkward because it was obvious I was lying.
Unable to bear the intensity of his gaze anymore, I cooked up a lie really quickly, "I...I've just been busy."
"With what?"
I wasn't expecting him to actually ask me that, and it left me stumped.
"Um....Busy...Busy with research."
Inwardly, I slapped myself the moment that slipped out.
Couldn't I have thought of a better lie?
What the hell was research?
"I see," Mr Landon said.
It was very glaring that he didn't believe a single bit of what I said, but he didn't directly expose me either.
At least, that was what I thought until he repeated himself.
"You have been avoiding me."
It wasn't even phrased like a question, and this time, there wasn't a lie I could tell to extricate myself from this situation.
Silence fell between us, filled with the sound of Diana and Nathan's voices that reached us from the living room.
I stared at him for a long time, then let my hands drop.
Here he was, telling me I was avoiding him, but what else could I have done? After treating and speaking to me like that, what was he expecting me to do?
I couldn't even imagine that he was possibly thinking that I would just go right back to acting as if all was normal between us when it wasn't.
He hadn't just called what we had a mistake; he had hurt my feelings, yet I was expected not to avoid him?
Without letting my gaze drop, with my thoughts circling my mind, I muttered icily, letting my emotions drive my tone, "You left me no choice."
He stared back at me, not denying it and then his eyes flickered, "Why have you been avoiding me?"
I nearly let out a scoff, and my eyes widened in disbelief. "Is that really a question?"
He remained unfazed, "Yes."
I scoffed, for real this time, then spat out under my breath, "You're unbelievable."
Even though those words were said to mock him, he didn't react and kept looking at me.
I lifted my gaze back to him, clenched my jaw, then answered, "I guess it's easier than pretending nothing happened."
His jaw ticked, and it didn't escape my notice. His lips parted, then he said, "I didn't force you to do anything."
My chest tightened first before I saw red. My eyes blazed, and I shot back, hissing quietly, "And I didn't do that alone."
If it weren't because I was very much aware of Diana's and Nathan's presence, I would have yelled at him.
Another bout of silence rang between us.
He didn't speak, but I couldn't keep quiet.
Swallowing thickly, I continued, "After what you said to me, do you really expect me to just walk into your class and act as if nothing happened, or do you expect to walk around this house, smiling in your face?"
"I'm not an idiot," I muttered under my breath.
"I didn't say that." His response was quick, and I snapped my gaze back to him.
"I wasn't expecting anything either," He added, and I let out a soft, humourless laughter then voiced sarcastically, "I didn't think you were."
He stared at me for a minute longer, then ran his palm over his face, sighing deeply, "Nancy..."
"Don't call my name," I snapped.
"You don't get to call me like that, not after...."
Memories of that day flooded my head once more, and I recalled my name had fallen off his lips like a melody he knew by heart and without warning, tears sprang to my eyes.
I tried to take a step back, wanting to put more distance between us, but there was no space for movement behind me.
Already, I was backed against the counter.
I shook my head then forced myself to continue, ignoring the lump that had welled up in my throat. "...Not after you called it a mistake."
By now, I knew my eyes had turned misty, but I refused to let my tears fall. The silent grievance and resentment I had been brewing for days threatened to overwhelm me.
Again, I swallowed, and a bitter smile crossed my lips. "I wish I were like you....I wish I could just switch it off as you did."
By that, I meant my feelings. I wasn't so much of a dumbhead that I couldn't figure out that my feelings for Mr Landon exceeded the normal range of what one should feel for their best friend's father.
I could even dare to venture further to say that I liked him, and it definitely was not platonic.
His brows knotted, and his face pulled into a frown, "I didn't switch anything off."
"Yes, you did. Immediately it happened, you decided what it was, and that was it for you."
"That's because it was a mistake."
"Right," Another bitter smile crossed my lips. "How could I forget that's all it was for you...A mistake."
I didn't like how weak I sounded right now, but I could only restrain my emotions so much.
"Nancy...." He sighed heavily again.
I sucked my bottom lip into my mouth and bit down hard on it, needing to focus on something else other than how I felt at the moment.
Subtly, I lifted my head and blinked my eyes back, fighting hard to regulate my emotions.
When I felt like I had it, I returned my gaze to him, "Why are you here, Mr Landon?"
God, it didn't even feel right saying his name.
Silence took over once more, and it was very uncomfortable.
For a couple of minutes, I waited for his answer, and when I realised that I would never get one, I gathered myself and made to walk out.
His voice stopped me in my tracks.
"We shouldn't have let that happen."
My chest locked painfully, but I didn't look back.
"It already did."