Chapter 20 Kian or Valerian

Chapter 20 Kian or Valerian
"What are you going to do? What am I going to do?" I asked, my voice breaking as I found myself pacing around the room.

Alpha Eros was silent, and I walked briskly back to the door. I started to pull it with all my might, my chest heaving hard. The door wouldn't even budge.

"Fuck, fuck!" I cursed, turning around.

To my surprise, Alpha Eros was sitting on the edge of the bed, leaning forward, his elbow resting on his thigh, his hand holding up his chin as he watched me.

His hair was falling in thick strands down his forehead, and his eyes were narrow, as if he was trying to study me. Understand me.

"Wh... why are you looking at me that way?"

He tilted his head a little, his brows drawn. "Outside the ring, I have never seen someone so desperate to get out of a space with me."

I swallowed. "The way the other students act around you says a different story."

"The other students do not matter at all. Not a lot of people have been like this with me."

For some reason, that piqued my interest.

I turned to the door, kicking it slightly in resignation as I walked to the farthest edge of the room and sat on the floor, pulling my knees to me as my hands rested on them.

"How many people have been like this with you?"

He turned to where I was sitting, his brows raising. "Curious about me?"

I swallowed. "I can sit in silence."

He gave a small snicker as he turned away, and silence fell between us. My eyes fell on his back, slowly taking in the smallest details about him.

His scars were light, probably beaten down by time. There weren't a lot, but it shaped his body in a way that I couldn't imagine if they were absent.

He was still in just a towel, and I watched how his back muscles constricted and opened when he leaned back, his hands resting on the bed and holding up his weight.

"It was one other person," he said suddenly, then turned to me.

I forced my eyes to leave his body and meet his gaze, and what I saw immediately made my heart pick pace.

He was still the same Alpha Eros, dark, taunting, masculine. But the ice had cracked a little, and I could see a glimpse of the colours in his eyes.

It was fascinating and beautiful, and I resisted the urge to reach out and touch his face. Feel his skin.

"Someone else?"

He nodded without breaking eyes contact, his eyes somewhat cloudy.

"You must have heard of him by now. My only roommate before you."

He didn't say the name. Like he was deliberately avoiding it. Like the name scared him. Scarred him.

I bit down on my lips hard. Did he really kill him? Why did it look like... they had something else? Something different? Something close to... this?

Was it my mate bond? What was it?

"Valerian," I whispered, my voice low, my eyes scanning his as I watched his reaction.

His jaw tightened, and I saw his fingers pinch the sheets a little. He tried to stay mostly neutral, however, but a turbulence took over his eyes, at least for the entire second it took the name to leave my lips.

"You know his name."

He turned away, throwing his head back a little.

"Everyone does. Kian said I looked like him."

Eros sucked in a sharp breath. He opened his eyes, then turned to me, his head slowly nodding. "You do. In a lot of ways. And that is probably why I don't like you."

I bit down on my lips. "Because I remind you of him or because you hated him too?"

He didn't answer.

"You don't seem to hate him. At least not in the way you preserved his memory. Not in the way you let him in your sanctuary."

"You talk too much," he said, meeting my eyes. "He did, too. He was way too fucking chatty. He thought everyone was his friend. That's not the way to live."

My fingers clenched into tight fists. "But I am not him."

"Maybe that's why I can't like you. Because you claim to not be him. Yet sometimes... you are basically him."

I felt a pit in my stomach, and my heart sank. My eyes closed, and I bit down on my lips.

"Maybe I am weak," he said, his voice low. "But the difference between you both... I probably would be content if his death was a lie. If he is the one sitting where you are, watching me regret what happened. But that difference... it is what has me locking you up in my room like an idiot."

I bit down on my lips till I could taste the metal of my own blood on my tongue. I somehow wish that Valerian'a death was a lie, too. I truly do.

But at the same time, I couldn't help the jealousy. Alpha Eros, whether he was the one who killed my brother or not... it was obvious he held something deeply personal with Valerian. Something that a selfish part of me wished we could have, too.

But I would never admit that, not even to myself. I am here to find my brother's killer, not yearn for a man.

"You could tell me about him," I forced myself to say. "If I look like him as much as everyone says, you could pretend you are talking to him."

Eros laughed. It was the first time I heard him laugh. It was rich, deep, raw, and it pulled mercilessly at my heartstrings.

"What's funny?"

He met my eyes, and I felt his voice in my head, through the mind link. It was low, and his eyes, the rawness, the emotion, I didn't help at all.

"Because I want to talk to you, Kian. Not Valerian."