Chapter 4

“Sophie, what the hell are you crying for? I know I don’t matter in you anymore. You matter to me. Don’t tell me. It’s him again. What happened between you two? It has to be more than what you are telling me. Just seeing each other one time, writing a few letters wouldn’t do this to you. Why don’t you just tell me the truth? You love him. Don’t you? You two slept together. Didn’t you?”

Sophie cried that much harder. She had to answer him. But, how? She and Zander had never slept together. There was just an attraction between the two of them. Maybe she saw Zander as something Alex wasn’t and never would be. She couldn’t explain the attraction; she didn’t even know how it happened. She couldn’t even explain it herself. She just knew how she felt the first time she saw Zander. She felt like a teenager with a crush. It was strange to her too. It was just a feeling she could not describe.

“Sophie. Damn you. Answer me. I want some answers and I want them now. I’ll make sure you don’t leave this house without me. Then you won’t have a choice but to forget him. Will you? Have you talked to him? Have you seen him? This has to stop. Our marriage will never work otherwise. You have changed so much since you met him. We don’t make love the way we used to do. You have the attitude like are you done yet. You are bothering me. We don’t talk. All we do is fight. You ignore me. You avoid me. How do you expect me to trust you? You give me no reason to.”

“Damn you Alex. Stop it. Just stop. You act like I am your slave. You act like I am a puppy you have to put on a leash, and then only let out so far I don’t get lose. Well I am no dog, I am not a slave. You better just back off. This is getting real old. You sound like a broken record. It’s the same thing day after day night after night. Don’t you ever stop?”

“Sophie you still haven’t answered me. Do you love him?”

“Okay Alex. You want answers. I will give you answers. But you better brace yourself because what I have to say will not make you one bit happy. I care about you. I just don’t love you. I have not loved you for a long time. My love and my heart belong to Jake. He is the one I want. He is who I want to spend the rest of my life with. Not you. No, I haven’t seen or talked to him. I am fighting hard, damn hard to avoid that. I am afraid if I do see him or talk to him, I will want to go back to California with him. The only thing stopping me from that is the three kids, not you. I don’t want to hurt them. Or believe me I would be gone. All the hell you put me through, the way you treated me. I am surprised we stayed together this long. I just can’t take it anymore. The kids are my life which like I said is why I stay. Not you. You don’t trust me. So how can we have a marriage? Marriage is based on trust, love, and communication. None of that is there. I don’t know maybe in time I will forget about Jake and maybe even love you again. Right now it is him I love, not you. There, are you happy I told you the truth? You wanted answers you got answers. Now leave me alone.”

“What in the hell do you want from me? You are a bitch. You do not know what the hell you want. You said my drinking was a problem. I gave up drinking. You said I treated you like a possession. You got me on that one; I still treat you as though you are a possession. I love you. I just do not want to lose you. You say I never have time for you or our children although I wanted you here for me all the time. I changed that, to a certain point. What more can I do to make you see that I love you? I just do not want to let you go. Think about it, can’t we at least try?” At this point Alex was in tears. Hoping Sophie would see that he really does love her.

“Alex, you cannot make up for the fourteen years of hell that you put me through. I do not expect you to make anything up. It is just simply that I do not love you anymore. I have not loved you for a long time. Zander is the one that made me see that. Zander is the one who made it easier for me the woman I should have been a long time ago and told you the truth that I did not love you anymore.”

“What makes you so sure that he feels the same way about you? What makes you so sure that he is waiting for you? You had to of talked to him recently or you would not know that.”

“No, you are the wrong one. I have not talked to him. I just know deep down that he is waiting for me. He made me see a side of me that I really never knew existed. He gave me the, strength to stand up for myself. Whether it is with him or someone else, or even just me and our children, I want out. I am a person, I matter. I was actually flattered knowing that someone else was interested in me for me. Not for what I could do for them or give them. He actually noticed me. Given time of course this could all change, right now this is how I feel. I told you the truth. Now all you have to do is accept it and move on, let me go.”