39. Jasper

39. Jasper
I woke up bright and early the next day only to find that Jasper had moved to the bed. He was still wearing his work clothes, without the suit jacket and tie. His shoes and socks were scattered on the floor.

My first thought was to wake him up but he was out like a rock, snoring softly and spreading himself across the bed. Reluctantly, the thoughts came flooding back to my mind, and knowing that Tara might be looking for her dad I decided to get up and get ready for the day.

Getting dressed and going to the kitchen was done easily, then seeing Tara's hand grasping in the air calling out for my attention made me chuckle and picked her up from her baby chair.

"Ben! Breakfast!" her sweet little voice warms my insides, the little toddler wanted me to feed her. Her new sitter greeted me, Allie gave me some space after giving me Tara's porridge bowl and move to prepare breakfast for Jasper and me. "Allie, just for Jasper, I'll have a cup of coffee." She nodded and didn't ask any explanation, so this is what it felt like to have someone waiting on you. It's nice not to be questioned for your decision, and I also know she wouldn't ask anything when I told her that I was going out after I had my coffee.

It was too early that calling my psychiatrist, Dr. Sheridan's office was a fail, but I texted her secretary and asked for an emergency visit and surely she squeezed me in for an afternoon appointment. I would prefer a morning one, but Dr. Sheridan was full with patients that cannot be re-scheduled.

Tara had finished her breakfast when I told Allie that I need to go to an appointment and she swiftly took the little toddler and distract her with playtime. I hate not spending time with Tara since yesterday, but I need to do this for myself. The last time my condition was left untreated I was near self-harm, that's when Jacqueline referred me to Dr. Sheridan.

Jasper called just after lunch while I was in the middle of baking Tara's favorite chocolate chip cookies in my old apartment. I got carried away and baked too many batches and still mixed more. I need to see my psychiatrist.

"Benjamin, where are you?" he sounded groggy, demanding, and a bit tired.

"At my apartment, making Tara's cookies."

"What? Can't you make them here? Look, I'm sorry about last night. But you can't keep running away every time..."

"Dexter brought you back, I know shouldn't be jealous but that guy can easily upset me," I said quickly, cutting his words, wanting to get everything out of my chest. "I haven't been doing well, in my head, I mean," I paused making sure Jasper was still listening.

"We should talk, stay there." His heavy voice was still throaty from his hangover, but I stop his words. "No, it's okay. I'll be back home later before dinner. I...I need to talk to my psychiatrist. I had issues, Jasper. I haven't seen her in a while, I need to do this."

I could tell by the silence from the other line, that he was surprised by my words. The man didn't know about my depression, it had been more than six months since I went to see her. I know the stress had been building inside me, the anxiety was too repetitive. I've been doubting myself more and it's been harder to keep my depression away even with the cooking. I've been spacing a lot, quieter, and been drinking more when no one is around.

I ended the call with Jasper, just in time as I hear the front door open. Jacqueline? my thoughts were interrupted when I saw my roommate who decided to show up when I was in my kitchen warzone.

"Jacqueline?" the beautiful sugar baby looked at my pink apron and the messy kitchen with lots of chocolate chip cookies cooling off in their trays on the kitchen island.

"Oh, my Benji, what happened?" she asked looking a bit worried for me. We haven't seen each other in a while we were both have been crazy busy with our lives. She knows that I was dating Jasper and moving in together.

"I, Jasper, and I..." I tried to explain but paused when I saw a handsome man behind her. He was putting his hand on her waist possessively, then my eyes locked with another man who was standing by the door.

"Wait, what are you doing here? who are these guys?" I asked demanding her answers.

"Er, I don't usually bring them home. But em...this is Percy from work," she winked at me when she mentioned work. "And uh, that's his sitter." Jacqueline gazed at the man still standing by the door, "What?" she asked turning her head back to Percy when he tightened his hold on her. "Oh, right, Percy this is Benjamin, Benji, Ben, my sweet sweet roommate who's having some kind of breakdown by the number of chocolate cookies on the counter. Or are you having a bake sale, baby?" I bit my lip, blinking my eyes trying to get rid of my tears. Fuck.

"Aww...come here..." She unlatched herself from Percy and walked towards me, giving me her shoulder to cry on.

"Oh, Jacques, I missed you."

"I missed you too, Benji," She hugged me tighter before we go to her room. Turns out she came to pack her stuff, she was blurting out words, telling me that her life is in danger. And that Percy is her sugar daddy, then explained to me that she's booked for a six-month exclusive contract along with his twin. I was smiling, crazy happy for her, while watching her pack, grabbing everything, almost emptying her wardrobe.

But then I must've made a wrinkle on my forehead when Jacqueline quickly eased them out with her thumb. "Babe, don't do that, it'll go permanent on you. We still have a couple of more years before Botox." I can't help myself not to laugh when I sat on her bed, watching her as her pile of clothes was getting higher and higher.

"You hate being told to pack, don't you? God, I miss your sassy ass."

"Thank you, my beautiful Benji, now tell me about that single dad of yours. I thought you told me that you're moving into his parents?"

"Oh, god it's awful. I miss him. The man has so much going on in his life, I don't know if I'm a good fit for him. This is all crashing down on me too fast." I let a tear run down my cheek and she paused her packing and sit by my side. "It's okay to cry Benji, you don't have to cook every time you're sad."

"He... he bought a house, for us, oh god, Jacqueline. I don't know how to do this. I think I should get back to therapy, refill my meds." I know I have made the appointment, but this is what I do, I'd doubt myself.

Jacqueline knows my issues with depression, and I know she would worry that I might be going down that path again.

"I think you should talk to him if you think you need to see your psychiatrist do it. Don't wait too long, no one knows you better than yourself."

We talked for a while longer then I hugged her one last time before she left. I assured her that I'll keep in touch with her.



It was not until Friday that we finally talked after days of ignoring the fact that I was sent home by my psychiatrist with a mild antidepressant. I was spacing out more often since Jasper told me to take some time off from work. The man didn't know how to handle me, instead, he was busying himself with work.

"Ben, how are you feeling?" Jasper looked so sincere when he joins me in bed after checking in on Tara. "I think I'm better." I lied, the drug was making me feel numb. I was thankful to have Tara and Allie to cheer me up during the day, but seeing Jasper I can't stop thinking did I make a mistake being with him? The man did nothing wrong but take care of me, providing for me and loving me.

"I have to attend a corporate gathering tomorrow evening, will you join me? I think getting out of the house can be good for you. It's been a while for us. We can leave as soon as you want to, it's one of my dad's friends. I'm thinking just showing my face for an hour then we can have a night out."

I smiled like the good boyfriend that I am and nodded. My heart was aching, yet wanting to please him at the same time. "It'll be great, I want you to be happy Benjamin. I love you, I'm trying to do everything I can for you." His hand cupped my face and he gave me the softest kiss.

"I know, I'm sorry for taking the fun out of us. I know you're happy with work, it's what you do. This is just me being needy, don't give up on me." I kissed him back with more passion and he moan making me shudder and decided to get on top of him.

"Ben, baby, we don't have to..." he whispered caressing my back, but let out a sexy groan when I kiss his throat, stripping his t-shirt and start devouring his chest. God, I've missed him.

The antidepressant made me sleepy too, and days of both sleeping fully clothed made my need for him burst for attention. I got him naked in seconds, my pajamas join his by the floor. Jasper was being the sweetest boyfriend and let me lead. We both groaned when I straddle him, aligning his lubed dick and letting him slowly stretch me. I was taking my time, bracing my forearms between his head, showering him with slow sensual kisses when he whispered his sweet loving words with each pause of our kisses.

We reached our high a while later simultaneously, his hands wrapped my body possessively as he thrust with a loud groan, filling me with his cum, milking himself until my legs gave up on me and he was feeling my weight on him.

"I love you, Benjamin," he draws me in for a lazy kiss. "I won't give up on you. I'm not letting you go." He wipes my tears and holds me in his arms.

I love him, he's going to kill me when he decides that we're done.