36. Morning thoughts
Dawn had yet to stretch across the sky, as it wouldn't for another two hours, when the mental alarm awoke her from the sleep she'd been getting. Rubbing hands down her face in an attempt to wake her the rest of the way up, Netayah slowly lumbered out of bed and made her way to the bathroom. Grimacing as she caught a reflection of her face in the vanity mirror, she couldn’t miss the bags under her eyes and the exhausted lines on her forehead.
Goddess, she looked awful.
To claim she hadn't got the restful sleep she'd been aiming for was an understatement, as she'd spent most of the night tossing and turning. Then there’d been moments when she hadn't been able to sleep at all, despite the exhaustion it'd been sometime around three when she'd finally fallen asleep. All her mind could seem to think about was the two men sleeping across from her and the future that lay ahead. Or more like wondering what kind of future awaited her in the months ahead, as she simply did not know what the future held for her.
Even though the three of them had talked last night during dinner, getting better acquainted, none of them had actually talked about anything. Neither of them dared broach the subject of the mate bond between them, aside from assuring her that both of them were her mates. Would they accept her? Reject her? After all, no matter who she turned out to be bonded to, whether it was Xios or Xavier or both of them, she was still very much a rogue. Banished from the pack.
No matter what either of them wanted out of life they were still the alphas too, with thousands of lives that depended upon them. People they needed to consider. That was one of the toughest parts about being the leader of your pack, your choices didn't merely affect your life but the lives of your pack members. And though everyone had been friendly, welcoming and warm to her at every turn, that was when they simply believed her to be a visiting stranger. Would their people honestly still feel the same way if they were to discover the truth about her, that she was in fact the bonded mate of their alpha? Would they still be so accepting of her presence among the pack, if they were to discover she was meant to be the Luna of Blue Diamond?
Maybe some would, but how about the rest? What would happen if the truth of her position in her life came out in the open and there were people who could not accept her as their luna? If that turned out to be the outcome in the future ahead, would the alphas accept the bond knowing the unrest it’d cause their people?
Around and around the thoughts continued to swirl inside of her head, keeping her in a constant state of anxiety that wouldn't let her sleep. Worrying herself half to death of what would unfold in the days ahead of them, if the alphas were forced to choose between her and their pack. God, it was so infuriating. To know that finally she had the chance of a semblance of a happy life, with a man or men she could truly love, but couldn’t embrace it out of fear. Forever living with the knowledge in the blink of an eye, with no more than a few words or gestures, everything could be taken from her. All because she’d come from an asshole pack that cared more about their own image than the people in their care and had cast her out to hide their shame. Their weakness.
Muttering under her breath as her own thoughts continued to torment her, she pushed them out of her mind as she entered the bathroom. Managing to finish up tending to the needs of her bladder and emerging a little while later feeling a little better, she headed downstairs. Deciding not to hibernate inside of her bedroom for the day, there had been enough of that down in the medical center, Netayah left her suit.
Careful to be as quiet as possible not wanting to wake the alphas, knowing the need to maintain a good night's sleep when running the pack. Although she’d never been a member of the beta as she had never shifted, she'd been raised by betas, giving her a better understanding of the life of an alpha. She knew from experience that an alpha was the first one to rise in the morning and the last one to fall asleep, constantly bombarded with their duties. Not only were they responsible for keeping the pack together, but ensuring the boarders were guarded at all times, any complications or issues that arose among the pack. Litigating with other alphas, dealing with the elders, as well as a thousand other responsibilities.
Netayah could remember the countless nights her parents hadn't gotten home until midnight, that was if they came home at all. Being the betas it was their responsibility to mediate tasks that he wasn't forced to handle, the second line of command, dealing with a thousand different issues. After watching all the hassles and difficulties her parents had gone through being the alphas betas, she'd seriously debated if she wanted to follow in their footsteps. Of course, being anything less would never do for a member of the Greystone family, they were specifically reserved as Alpha Darius's right hands alone.
Thankfully that wasn't an issue that she had to worry about anymore. Even if she did happen to turn out to be a beta when she finally went through the final legs of the change, then it wouldn't be tied to Darius. A huge relief.
Jaunting down the steps with a lightness she hadn't felt when she'd awoken, Netayah made her way towards the kitchen. Having decided that she would make all of them a nice home-cooked meal for breakfast today, liking the thought of feeding her mate breakfast. Or mates, if they were to be believed. Still finding it increasingly difficult to process the very likely reality that she had been mated to both the twin alphas, an astonishing reality.
As far as she knew something like this had never happened before, there was only ever one man and one woman, reaching far back in the distance. But it seemed that the very real likelihood that this time around it'd be different, as both were adamant that she was the mate to both. Why were they so different? Why would the goddess have sealed her to both of them? Surely the goddess had her reasons for what she'd done, that compelled the decision from her, but quite honestly she couldn't fathom what that could be. Only time would tell.