Chapter 10 — Sparks and Consequences

What had happened? Elsa did not know. She woke up several hours later, in her bed and without a clear idea of how she got there. Next to her, sitting on his knees on the floor and resting his head between the crossed arms that he supported on the edge of the bed, was Jacub, sleeping. The general darkness and the low temperature made Elsa understand that it was early morning... and that something bad must have happened to find herself in that situation. She tried to remember the last thing that happened, putting her hand to her forehead... only to feel how it was rejected by a tiny electrical discharge from which a small light came out. She gave a little cry and confusion washed over her. She wasn't surprised that her electric touch had returned, but it did that she could now feel its effects herself. How was this possible? She rested the fingers of one hand on the other, then watching how tiny sparks erupted when touched and made the nerves in her fingers and hands tremble.

─Oh no ─she said towards herself, in the quietest voice, but capable of waking Jacub.

The girl’s little cry had already made him change the position of his head on his arms, but as soon as he heard her voice, he opened his eyes and turned to her, in anxious attention from which a smile immediately emerged when he saw her awaken.

─Elsa! ─he exclaimed in a whisper─. You woke up! How…? What's going on?

Just as he had seen her, he noticed in her face that something was wrong. Fear was present in her eyes and she was soon cornered against the tent wall behind her.

─Be careful! Do not touch me! ─Elsa warned.

─I'm not going to touch you, don't worry ─Jacub replied cautiously.

─The touch has returned, Jacub...

─I know, I know… We know, actually. You had a certain incident during the show...

─Did I? ─Elsa asked, concerned.

─Indeed; and what a tremendous scare you gave us! You blew that light bulb, burned the strings, and fell unconscious off your pulley. They barely managed to get the net under you! But you fell and rolled in an inert way and since you could not be touched, we did not know what had happened... The only thing that gave us any confidence was that you were shining again and the movement of your chest when breathing, but wow! ─he laughed─. Are you okay? Are you hurt? How you feel?

─I… don’t… I don't know ─the young woman hesitated, checking herself for any extra discomfort.

Outside of some pain in the right side of her abdomen (being this the side where she fell on), she didn't seem to have a major problem.

─I think I'm fine ─she continued, then downplaying this to say with deep sorrow─. Jacub... the touch... the touch has returned...

─I know...

─No, but it's worse. Look! ─she showed him what happened when she put her hands together.

Electrical sparks flashed in front of Jacub, making no less impression on him than the jellyfish girl herself.

─Woah! ─Jacub exclaimed─. What the hell? How is it…?

─I don't know! ─Elsa replied desperately─. Sorry... It is that beyond of what I can produce by touching another person or object, I have no idea how or why this happens. Almost five days without the slightest electric charge and now I can't even touch myself! Ah! ─she tried to put her hands to her face, but the electric blow on her forehead made her scream─. Son of a bitch! ─she pulled the pillow towards herself and rested her face on it.

Jacub, unsure of what to say, looked at her for a few seconds, then breaking the silence with a bad joke:

─I see you start to use my terms…

─What? ─Elsa peeked out from behind the pillow, then understanding─. Oh yeah ─she let out a laugh─. I have nothing better to say about this, Jacub. Damn thing.

─Calm down, little lights, calm down ─Jacub continued─. It's okay.

─No, it is not.

─Oh, come on... First you were complaining about having it, then about not having it, and now it has returned, you start complaining again of having it…

─I wanted it back, but not like this! Ah, Jacub! What I am going to do? Every time I seem to understand how it works or how to handle this, I flip it over again. I hate it! ─she paused, thinking─. I didn't hurt anyone this time, did I?

─No, no ─Jacub answered─. People moved away as soon as the light bulb exploded... You left them a little scared, there is no doubt about that ─he joked─. But there was no problem.

─Are you alright? Didn't I hurt any of you?

─No, no… I remembered how that Monsieur Reno had carried you when the bluff happened in Les Moulins; and I did the same. I asked Ann Marie to bring a quilt; with the help of Matthieu I wrapped you up and then carried you here. You didn't touch anyone or anything. You just scared us, dear! ─smiled─. But you're fine and that's all what matters...

─Whew... ─Elsa breathed a sigh of relief─. Oh, Jacub! If this continues or worsens, I don't know what I’m going to do...

─Eh, you'll only deal with it like you've already been doing it ─Jacub replied─. Don't get ahead of your thoughts, little lights. What happened tonight was just a minor thing, it happens to everyone. We once had a snake hypnotist from India, you know? It was pretty good, decades of experience... and then one night the snakes got away in full swing. You can imagine the kind of reaction that people had! They all ran away... and in the chaos, the snakes disappeared.

─They never found them?

─Never. And that is why there are now Indian snakes in Spain.

Elsa couldn't help but laugh and fall into some comfort at the calm that Jacub gave to the whole thing. “Maybe he's right”, she thought, “maybe I just need to take it easy and see what happens.” The doubt, however, was not absent from her mind... and less would it every time she tried to put a hand on her face or rest her bare legs one on the other. How tedious that was... and even more so not being able to understand it.

*****

When morning came, the situation remained the same. Elsa covered herself with clothes as much as possible, leaving only her face uncovered. Going to breakfast with her companions, she found out a little more about what happened the night before; anxious about not being able to illuminate the bulb during her act came to her mind, until the sudden shudder that left her unconscious and that caused the accident. She was terrified to see how much of the rope had been burned, and she reproached herself for how little cautious she had been in recent days. How was it possible that she became confident, when all her life she had been the most cautious and distant for her safety and that of others? She thought of the damage she could have caused to a spectator or to any of her friends, if they had not acted as quickly as they did, and an overwhelming feeling of irresponsibility came to her that kept her silent for much of the morning.

She commented on the new change in her situation to her companions.

─I don't think it's a good idea for me to perform right now ─she told them─. It had never been so serious and seeing what happened here last night, I prefer not to risk you all.

─But what are you saying? ─questioned the man─. First you didn't want to act because your electric touch was gone and now you don't want to act because it has returned...

─But it came back worse than before... Now I can't even touch myself at all, which means this thing is more charged than ever.

─Maybe we could cover you more, don't you think? ─Barry proposed─. Leave only bare hands and feet… or their tips. It's all it takes, right?

─Well, yes… ─Elsa replied─. But the problem is that last night I barely touched the light bulb with the tip of my index finger and it exploded! So, what if that happens again? What if it gets worse?

─Are you sure it hasn't calmed down? ─Matthieu asked her.

─Wally, bring a light bulb! ─Louis ordered him next.

Wally was back and forth with the light bulb in less than a minute. Elsa uncovered her right hand, took a deep breath, interrupted by the fleeting appearance of the sting, and touched the base of the bulb with her thumb and index finger. It didn't take more than a second for the illuminated bulb to burst.

─Oh shit… ─Matthieu exclaimed─. How…? How is it…?

─Stop asking me how it is possible or why, because I don't know ─Elsa replied, annoyed─. I've never really known. I used to think it was due to be accelerated, but now I know that it’s not the case and I have no idea how to control it. Therefore, it would be dangerous if I perform tonight, Mr. Vaccaretti.

Giusseppe had no answer. Although he well considered Elsa's ability a gold mine, he was not unaware of the danger of risky roles. He put his hand to his chin, thinking for a few moments.

─Well ─Clothilde replied now─, you may not be able to perform your usual act, but what about another?

─Yes, we can adapt to their new situation, Ms. Ludgate ─Barry said.

─Yeah, some lightbulb busting, maybe ─Tilda suggested.

─Yes, that would be interesting to see! ─Louis seconded.

─Yes, yes, quite a bit ─the others supported.

─Right, there’s no problem if you make explode things ─joked Matthieu.

─Don't worry, then ─Clothilde continued─. We surely think of something by the afternoon, you’ll see...

Elsa shifted her gaze to Giusseppe, awaiting his answer.

─Yes, why not? ─Giusseppe was convinced─. Something like yours always has something to offer, yes... You just have to think of something interesting and...

─Excuse me, Mr. Vaccaretti... ─the voice of Ann Marie interrupted.

She arrived to the arena... and she wasn’t alone. Behind her, the well-known and unappreciated figure of Sergeant Chevalier appeared.

─Sergeant Chevalier is here… ─reported the redhead.

─I can see it… Thank you, Ann Marie ─Giusseppe exclaimed, then heading towards the uniformed man─. Sergeant Chevalier, good morning... What brings you here?

─Mr. Vaccaretti ─Chevalier saluted back with a nod of the head─. I’m here in relation to what happened last night... Could we talk alone?

─We could, but it would be useless. Whatever you have to talk to me about, my boys will find out later and, I don't know about you, but we have a too tight schedule to waste time whispering and theorizing.

─I really think it would be a matter that you would prefer to handle in privacy...

─May we at least ask what is it about, Chevalier dear? ─Clothilde questioned.

The sergeant let two seconds pass in silence.

─Of course, Miss Vacaretti ─he replied then, taking a step towards the group─. It is in relation to a certain incident that occurred at your function last night. Various reports have told me that there was some kind of… accident with Ms. Ludgate?

Gazes briefly strayed to the young woman, who flinched herself.

─Yes, there was… there was ─continued Giusseppe─. But so, what? We handled it and no one was hurt. Such kind of things happen all the time in the circus.

─I wouldn't say that no one was injured, Mr. Vaccaretti… At least two people were injured after a certain light bulb exploded… Are you not aware?

─Oh come on, he's lying! ─Jacub exclaimed─. Nobody complained!

─It seemed like there was going to be a fire, Mr. Kovacs ─continued Chevalier─. No one would stay for that. Also, from what is reported, it was a terrible situation. After the light bulb exploded and the strings burned, Ms. Ludgate fell unconscious, so no one would risk staying. But there were victims to what happened last night ─he emphasized.

─What kind of victims? ─Elsa questioned.

─A man was injured after shards of glass from the explosion fall into his right eye; and a woman was injured by the sparks of the fire.

─Oh yeah? ─Matthieu replied─. And, where are they? Why aren’t they here to complain? It's what anyone would do, right!?

─Who says they won't do it, Mr. Schmidt? ─Chevalier continued─. Yesterday everyone was stunned and left the place to immediacy. But one of my men had come to see the show and he told me what happened... and now, well, I have decided to come and make a proposal to you…

─Really? ─exclaimed Clothilde, sceptical─. And what kind of proposal could that be?

─After what happened last night, I don't think that the city of Bordeaux is very interested in continuing to come see your shows ─explained Chevalier─. On the contrary, I’m very afraid that they could even come to give you troubles.

─And you want to save us those problems, right? ─Louis continued.

─Indeed ─Chevalier exclaimed.

─Bullshit! You just want us to leave! ─Tilda claimed.

─Tilda, Louis, please ─Giusseppe asked for composure─. Get to the point, Chevalier. Do you mean that it is better for everyone if we leave? That's what you are saying?

─Yes, that's what I’m saying ─Chevalier replied─. Mr. Vaccaretti, most acts in a circus performance are usually dangerous, but one that involves the possibility of generating explosions and fires is even more; and if this were to be repeated or, even worse, had more serious victims, then your circus would be in serious troubles... Therefore, I recommend you, for the good of your people and mine, that you leave the city. I won’t tell you what to do with your show or staff, because it would not be my place... But yes, to avoid any major conflict here with us, leave the city as soon as possible...

A silence prevailed among the members of the circus for a few seconds, until Clothilde broke it.

─You son of a bitch ─she said─. You really have a problem with us, right?

─Clothilde… ─Giusseppe tried to calm her down.

─No! ─Clothilde continued, passing in front of everyone─. This guy has been harassing us since the day we arrived; and even before! This is not because of what happened last night, much less because of Miss Ludgate. This is because he doesn't like us... because he, in particular, doesn't like me, right?

A tiny smile spread across the sergeant's face, who continued:

─You in general are not to be trusted, Ms. Vaccaretti… You are individuals with dangerous actions and values ​​for a respectable society such as ours; and it is true that that's why I feel disgust for you in general... But that does not diminish the fact that you have an act that endangers the public and that it would be better for everyone to desist of perform it… at least here.

─And if we don't, what? ─Matthieu questioned─. You can't kick us out...

─Of course not ─Chevalier answered─. But do you really think that after last night, it would be very difficult for someone to convince people of the danger of your show? For, I don't know... initiate lawsuits? It may be just two people injured, yes... but Miss Ludgate's act put several more at risk. What would have happened if they had not been removed from the burning ropes in time? Had the entrance not been open? Of not having attended the fire in time? It would have put the lives of dozens of people in danger... and I am not a lawyer but I know that other lawsuits can also arise from there. Do you really want to deal with it, in the situation you are in? You can't even hire people for maintenance! ─he scoffed─. I don't think, therefore, that you would like to stay… do you?

Silence prevailed again among the circus staff – especially in Elsa. Although aware of the sergeant's intentions towards them from the start, she couldn't help feeling some true in his words and a considerable amount of responsibility. At the end of the day, she thought, it was true that her most recent function was the most dangerous for everyone... and that this was what now allowed such an enemy of them to have the opportunity he sought to run them out of the city.

─We will take it into consideration, Sergeant Chevalier… ─Giusseppe limited to reply─. Thank you for your... whatever this was.

─A pleasure, Mr. Vaccaretti ─replied Chevalier, signing off with a bow.

In his demeanour, the arrogance of victory was more than noticeable and he withdrew with a firm, quick-walking pose that seemed driven by that unpleasant joy of his. His argument was more than convincing; and although the group expected Giusseppe to say otherwise, they were surprised when he, after a sigh, exclaimed:

─You heard it… Pack your things and dismantle the circus. We're leaving.

─Wait, you are not being serious, are you? ─Clothilde replied─. Are we leaving Bordeaux just because that jerk says we could be sued for an accident?

─Well, what else can we do?

─Carry on with the show! Come on! We have worked so hard on it to leave as soon as things get a little difficult. All we have to do is come up with a different act for Ms. Ludgate, one that is less risky and that's it.

─We can do that in another city ─Giusseppe continued─. But I'm not going to risk that another incident like the one from last night generate a legal problem for us. We don't have money for that. We've only just begun to recover and I won't put our family's circus at risk by giving some jerk a chance to sue us for any nonsense. I shouldn’t have pressured you to perform ─he looked at Elsa.

─Oh come on, Giusseppe! ─Matthieu protested now─. That guy has nothing to give us a problem with! He's just bragging! Don't be a coward!

─Hey! Hey! ─the others reproached him─. Calm down, Matthieu!

─Coward? Are you calling me a "coward"? ─Giusseppe questioned, irate─. Screw you, Matthieu! Do you know what it's like to keep a circus afloat for more than thirty years, uh!? The effort, the sacrifices it entails!? Not! Of course not! You haven't even gotten that old! I've been in charge of this show since before you and most of your peers were born! Even before Clothilde was born! And you are calling me a coward for not wanting to stay and face an asshole who could put the existence of this show at risk for the slightest accident there may be!? Ah!? What do you know? You know nothing! So, shut up or I'll fire you because your fucking act is also a fucking risk! In fact, why don't you give me a reason, ah?

─Hey, hey ─Clothilde tried to reassure him─, calm down, calm down… Don't take it out on the boy. This is not his fault. He is just upset that they are running us...

─No, I know this is not his fault… ─Giusseppe exclaimed─. It's yours…

─Ah? What are you saying?

─Come on! Don't you think I know what is said about you and that woman, the owner of the inn you always go to? Do you think I’m stupid? Of course, I know it! I don't mention it because what good would it do? You are impetuous and you would ignore me; but I know. And I also know that this Chevalier bastard antagonizes us for that. So, it's your fault for not controlling yourself!

─Hey, don't blame me for…! It's not like I can help it, you know!?

─No, I know you can't help it… I know it perfectly. I've always known.

─What does that mean!?

─Hey, hey, stop! ─Barry intervened─. This is not the place to discuss these matters. It is not the place, nor the time. Let's all calm down and work this out in private. What you are discussing now is a family matter; and what this circus is going to do now is up to the people in charge – and that's the three of us. So, let’s go to your tent, Giusseppe, and we deal with these matters calmly and we discuss what is best to do, okay? Let the boys cool down. It has been a night and morning complex, alright?

Although reluctantly, Giusseppe and Clothilde were convinced to cease the start of what would be an unexpected and deep discussion, moving the conversation of both matters to the tent of the circus owner, where they spent the next couple of hours discussing what was the best thing to do… while the rest of the staff just waited.

For the most part, the situation brought by Sergeant Chevalier represented great discomfort and annoyance. They had already adapted well to the city of Bordeaux and although they never stayed long in one place, they had considered staying there for another month or two. However, in the end, they knew they would have to go to another city and, except for the hassle of dismantling all the tents and packing bleachers and a host of other things back to the train, the matter itself was just that: a nuisance.

Their ways of reacting were varied:

─Well, who cares about Bordeaux anyway? We should go to Paris! ─Tilda commented─. Things are interesting there. Or…!

─Don't say Strasbourg ─Matthieu stopped her.

─Shut up, Matthieu ─Tilda replied─. Yes! Or Strasbourg!

─That is close to Germany; I don’t think it's a good idea for a Jewish to go there right now ─Matthieu replied.

─You are a circus Jewish; I seriously doubt that anyone will pay more attention to you other than being someone who throws knives ─Louis replied─. Plus, that won't last. They'll calm those crazy Germans eventually. Look at Ann Marie. She is German, but she is not a Nazi.

─Well, she's a freak like the rest of us ─Matthieu continued─. Outside of our origins, none of us cares about the politics of our countries beyond when we have to go to one of these – or went; we haven't been out of France since '31. But that's not the point: the point is that things towards Germany are getting tense and I don't think we should go to Strasbourg. We should go east.

─To Spain? ─Raoul scoffed─. We just had a coup. It’s not a good idea neither. How about Monaco? The Mediterranean in winter is pleasant.

─Now that's a good idea ─smiled Louis.

The others seconded.

─Have you been to the Mediterranean in winter, Elsa? ─asked Ann Marie.

─No ─Elsa answered─. Actually, I have never been to the Mediterranean.

─Really? ─Tilda replied─. Oh, wow! It is the best! It is so warm and the shores are so beautiful… And the boys, oh! Those guys from Africa are unmatchable.

─Hey, hey, hey, calm down ─Louis reproached her.

─Oh please, like you don't like girls from Tunisia. You are from Sicily. You know well what I'm talking about.

─Oh yes ─Matthieu exclaimed─. Those are unmatched! And the Turks! ─he laughed─. Remember, Jacub, when we...?

─Hey, hey, Elsa is here ─said Wally─. Have a little respect, huh?

─Oh yeah! ─Matthieu continued─. Forget what I said, alright?

─Okay… ─Elsa gave a tiny laugh, actually paying little attention to the conversation of her companions.

In her mind, other issues disturbed her. Although they seemed to begin to take the idea of ​​leaving Bordeaux with some joke, having fun talking about a lot of places that she was totally unaware of and that sounded most fascinating, Elsa had a feeling that had loomed during the explained by Chevalier and exploited in the discussion between Giusseppe and Clothilde: the responsibility for what happened. Although no one reproached her in the least, to her the question was simple: she caused the accident the night before and now they were being expelled from Bordeaux for the same reason. It was her fault, then, that her companions had to leave such a pleasant place.

─Ah! Anyway! ─Matthieu sighed─. It's a shame that we have to leave Bordeaux. I was beginning to like the place.

─Not to me, but what difference does it make? ─Tilda replied, releasing a cloud of smoke from between her sensual lips.

─That means we won't perform today right? ─Wally asked.

─Naturally ─replied Louis, now taking Tilda’s cigar to his own mouth.

─What a shame… ─Raoul lamented─. We haven’t had a show as good as that of the last few weeks…

─Yeah...

─Come on, come on, let's see the positive, ja? ─proposed Ann Marie─. Ja, we have to leave Bordeaux apparently but, as you all have been saying, that allows us to go to another city now; and with the attraction that is Elsa, we would surely achieve something more in a big city like Paris.

─As long as she manages to control her ability in a new way ─said Louis.

─Do you think you can calm your touch back to a less dangerous level? ─asked Raoul.

Before Elsa answered with uncertainty, Jacub intervened:

─Sure ─he said─. Also, if we leave Bordeaux, that will give us a few days off so that Elsa can calm down and better understand what's going on with her condition, right, little lights?

Elsa took a few seconds to respond, not wanting to discourage them.

─Right… ─she replied─. It could it be, yes…

The idea that ran through her mind, however, was a completely different one... and although she was not fully convinced of it at the time, the progress of the day would make her believe that it was the best thing to do.

*****

As her peers guessed (and which was pretty obvious), that day's show was cancelled; and in the late afternoon, after an extensive and complex conversation between Giusseppe, Clothilde, and Barry about the preliminary situations that created Chevalier's enmity and what now had to be done, the final decision was made:

─Pack your things, we're leaving ─Giusseppe said, gathering them on the arena.

─Just like that, without any more fight… ─Matthieu reproached.

─Yes… and don't provoke me again ─warned the owner.

─I'm just saying… ─Matthieu raised his hands in surrender.

─Any idea where we'll go next? ─asked Tilda.

─We thought we could try going to Bergerac ─Clothilde replied─. A not-so-big city, where we could see how things are going before trying to go to a bigger one. Also, it's not that far. We would arrive in a couple of days.

─And it's nice ─said Barry, with affable smile─. There are castles and rivers and...

─And what good is that to us? ─Tilda replied─. We are not princesses...

─No matter what it does to you, it's where we'll go, understand? ─Giusseppe said─. We are not asking you; we are telling you. So, I don't care if you protest, we won't change the new destination. So, go dismantle the circus. We leave tomorrow.

In a tone that avoided posing new questions, Giusseppe closed the meeting. Although he was known for a somewhat curmudgeonly personality, he was genuinely annoyed at the time and was not at all willing to talk to anyone.

And with Clothilde the situation was not much different. In a pose with a firm neck, but shoulders somewhat low, she could be noticed affected. Even her voice during the meeting was not as confident and dominant as usual, revealing a certain vulnerability produced by the meeting alone with her father and Barry (the only person who seemed to maintain his composure); and it was not difficult to suppose, from the irate attitude of the circus owner and the fragile of the presenter, in what had concluded their conversation. The man blamed her daughter's preferences as the reason of the problem; the daughter, although defensive of her person, didn’t deny her responsibility for what happened... although she couldn’t deny neither that it was impossible for her to avoid such a situation with Madame Judith.

She asked Elsa for a moment alone at the conclusion of the meeting.

─I know what you are thinking ─Clothilde told her─. I can see it in your gaze and let me assure you that is not the case: none of this is your fault in the least...

Elsa looked at her briefly in great surprise – Clothilde seemed to read her mind. She lowered her gaze back, without saying more, as the woman continued:

─I told you since we went to Bordeaux for the first time that that good-for-nothing Sergeant Chevalier had a problem with us – especially with me; and it didn't matter if you blew up a lantern or if Matthieu stabbed someone or a lightning struck the tent for no reason, he would use it to threaten us and make us leave. So, it was basically a matter of time, you know. And unfortunately, it was your turn to be used by him. But I know how conflicted you must feel and I just want to tell you that, okay, dear? Don't feel bad. This is not your fault. At the most it's mine... and because of who I am and all that.

─I'm sorry ─Elsa replied─. I shouldn't have performed yesterday...

─Eh, we shouldn't have pushed you either ─Clothilde continued─. But, as you may have learned from your peers, this kind of thing happens from time to time and we never stay in one place for long anyway. It is part of the business. And my father knows it. He's just angry but… that's how he is, you know him.

─Yes… ─Elsa laughed softly─. Yes, I know...

─And finally, you’ll see that you’ll like Bergerac. Ignore Tilda. She is too urban. It is a nice place. It has castles, forests, rivers, it will feel like a fairy tale.

─Are you sure you still want me with you?

─Of course! What are you saying? You’re part of us now! For better or worse, we take care of and protect each other, no matter what...

─And what if I can't protect you? I've already done serious things and...

─And you have remedied them! ─Clothilde stood in front of her─. My dear, don't overthink it. You may have some complications from time to time, but ultimately it is a gift, a skill; and if you know how, you can do more good than harm with it.

─I'm not so sure... ─she mumbled with genuine doubt.

─Come on, come on, don't feel like that, okay? We need you! You will see how this passes or changes... and if it does not, we will adapt. You be calm, Ms. Ludgate that we support you ─she hugged her with one hand and continued the walk, downplaying Elsa's incessant doubt.

─What will happen to Madame Judith? ─she asked finally.

─Oh, well... ─Clothilde replied with some regret─. I don't know, actually. Chevalier doesn't have anything that can be used against her, so I don't think he can bother her like with us… We'll think of something. I mean, we already knew something like this could happen, but when you love someone… you take the risk, right? You try to do your best for that person...

─Yes… I suppose that's true ─Elsa sighed.

Although it was easy to deduce, from the attitude and look of Ms. Ludgate, who was immersed in a deep insecurity, this was not due to what would happen to the attitude of her colleagues towards her, or some lack of support, but rather to her own person. In her mind she continued thinking about the incidents resulting from the danger of her condition... from bursting the lantern in Les Moulins to what happened just the night before. The circus itself could act calmly about it. They could tell of countless experiences with countless unusual characters... but the truth is that none of them were as dangerous as she considered herself. None of them could kill a person just by touching their skin.

She thought of how she had knocked out Jacub when he saved her from falling off the pulley and what it would have been like to not be able to return him after those three attempts. Yes, her kiss was what brought him back – and that in itself was a good feeling, as so thinking about those experiments or exercises that the pair started a few weeks ago... but the momentary happiness had clouded her judgment of what that her former self would have realized without even hesitation: all this was dangerous, not to her, but to others. And boy! It hadn't taken her long to become fond of that group of freaks that received her so well... but what would happen if her touch continued to get worse or, what she considered even worst, she trusted again that she had it under control and then caused them some harm completely irreparable? She couldn't forgive herself…

For her, despite the words and explanations of Clothilde or the others, the dismantling of the camp that night was her fault… hers and what she now called her stupid trusting attitude. How had she allowed herself to be so careless? How had she been led to believe such an illusion of happiness? Yes, those past weeks had felt good, almost ideal; and she didn't deny that she had needed something like that and that she was glad she had come to the circus… but in her, the logic created by years of bad experiences made her formulate the idea that it wouldn’t be good to try to continue with that.

And she tried to fight with that resolve that gradually grew stronger as the day progressed. But the bursting of every light bulb she touched and the arising of electrical sparks from rubbing one hand or arm over the other only convinced her more.

*****

The circus staff had spent the day clearing the camp and putting all the props back on the train, while chatting rather casually about the annoyance that Sergeant Chevalier was or their new assignment... and Elsa was doing nothing but see and hear them again as if she were a spectator and not a member. In her mind, the new situation of her condition and the problems that these brought to the group had made her reach a conclusion... one which she would not dare to comment on with any of her companions, not even Jacub, knowing that they would try to dissuade her and that this would not work, as well as that she would not have the strength to see them in the face when she said it. But for her the question was clear: her touch made her more and more dangerous and if she did not dare to be in an environment with people for whom she had an indifferent attitude, less would she do it with a group that she esteemed and was afraid of causing more damage.

Elsa Ludgate had decided to leave the circus in secret that night. Was it hasty? Perhaps. But it was no more dangerous than to keep exposing them to that terrible and incomprehensible condition; and after the brief conversation she had with Clothilde, the idea of doing the best for those she esteemed made her decide on the opposite of what the patron was trying to convince her.

Where would she go? As her companions discussed their usual nonsense over dinner, her mind wandered.

A couple of weeks ago she had had a dream, perhaps a product of her act, but in which she performed it as usual before she found herself floating in the darkness of the night sky and lighting a small moon instead of a light bulb. Suddenly, she was no longer using the harnesses and pulleys to float, but was genuinely doing it… and all the surrounding audience disappeared. Looking back at the moon again, it was above the surface of the sea, below which she was now, naked and free, while a dozen jellyfish of various colours began to dance around her before a pair of them hold her by the hands and lead her to the surface, at which point she would wake up.

As strange and amazing as it was, that dream had left her with the interest of eventually discovering a coast... and now it made her think that perhaps she could go find a remote place by the sea. Loneliness seemed a relief to the fear of hurting those people who laughed and ate around her.

─Are you okay, Elsa? ─Jacub asked, taking her hand over the glove.

He could notice something different in her gaze.

─Yes ─she replied in her usual kindness and seeking to isolate her feeling─. I'm just a little tired...

─It was a hard day, it's true… ─Jacub continued─. Do you want to go to sleep or something?

Elsa considered it for a moment. She cast one more glance at her companions, immersed in their own talks. A tiny smile spread across her, as she sighed:

─Yes… I think it would be a good idea ─she said.

"There is no point in postponing it, it will only be more painful" she thought.

─Have a good night, Jacub ─she continued─. And thank you…

─Thanks for what? ─he questioned, surprised.

─Just thank you… ─she limited to reply.

She wished she could kiss him one more time, but the strength of the sting made her limit herself to just squeezing his hand under the glove and stroking it with her thumb. It was accompanied by a small and sad smile, which made the boy notice something unusual about her, but which he did not manage to ask before Elsa's incorporation and her retiring to the tent. Instead, he thought of it as something of the young woman's concern for her changing condition – and he was not entirely wrong, but he had no idea what Elsa had decided.

The young woman took advantage of the time that was left from dinner to pack her things, few in fact, and write a small letter in which she apologized and explained her reasons why it was the best for everyone. Then, hearing the group finish their dinner, she hastened to turn off the light and pretend to sleep, thus avoiding the suspicions that Ann Marie might create when she returned to the tent.

The day had been heavy and it wasn't long before Ann Marie changed into her nightclothes and went to bed. Then it would be just a matter of waiting a little longer, at the cold hours of the beginning of the morning, when absolute silence dominated the environment, to withdraw in the greatest possible secrecy.

She waited until one in the morning. Ann Marie was snoring and outside she couldn't hear anyone talking. They were exhausted. Elsa checked the state of her touch once more, merely resting her index finger on the base of the bulb. It blew up the second.

Tears rose to her eyes as she convinced herself that there was no other option. The desire to stay was not little, but nothing would dissuade her from her idea. She put the folded letter on her pillow and got her things.

She put on her brown raincoat, a scarf around her neck... and, barefoot to prevent the noise of her boots from betraying her, she left what was left of the camp in absolute silence.