Chapter 163 163
"How did your talk with Luca go?"
I just bit my lower lip and sighed. Aiden intertwined our fingers and kissed the back of my hand. My heart calmed down a bit because of what he did. My mind has been restless since my conversation with Luca... I talked to him because I wanted us both to have peace, but now I feel even more unsettled.
"I'm sorry... Is it too obvious that I'm thinking about him?" I asked when we got inside the house.
Aiden chuckled and nodded. "Kinda... but I understand. I just didn't want to ask earlier because you didn't seem to be in the mood to answer anything about him."
I sighed and faced him. He just smiled at me and tucked my hair behind my ears while staring at me. He pulled me into a tight hug and caressed my back.
I sighed and hugged him back. "Well... I think I just made everything worse. Luca... I-I want him to move forward, but I know it won't be easy for him... without him knowing that our child is alive. I feel like that's the only solution, Van," I whispered and held onto his shirt tightly.
Aiden nodded and kissed the top of my head. "If you want to tell him, I can go with you. I'm aware that I also have a fault with him... If you're planning to tell him about Vanna, I think we should do it together," he whispered while still hugging me. "What's your plan? Are you going to tell him now?"
I bit my lower lip and buried my face on his chest. He went silent too, and we just hugged each other... This is not an easy thing to decide on. To be honest, I really don't know what to do. I don't want to be unfair to Luca and Vanna... but telling him the truth won't be easy. Luca is not a bad person; that's what I think of when I remember our time together before... He's not that bad... but I don't know. What will he do when he finds out that our child, who he mourned for six years, is actually alive? Even I can't imagine what he'll do.
What if he takes Vanna from me? What if anger takes over him? It's not difficult for him to do what he wants... My reason might be shallow, but it's also not easy for me to decide right away. I'm scared of the outcome.
"Mommy? Daddy?"
I immediately distanced myself from Aiden when I heard Vanna's voice. I looked at her and smiled. She was carrying her favorite teddy bear and rubbing her eyes.
"Hi, baby..." Aiden immediately went to Vanna. He carried Vanna and stroked her hair. "Why are you still awake?" Aiden asked in a soft voice and kissed Vanna's cheek.
"I just woke up, Daddy," Vanna said with a pout, then hugged Aiden's nape and snuggled into his neck.
Aiden just patted Vanna's thigh while lulling her. I just smiled while looking at them... I looked at Aiden; I was stunned and slightly moved back when Luca's face came to my mind... It would also look good if Luca was the one carrying and putting Vanna to sleep. I just smiled bitterly and sighed... This is what I'm denying Luca, which Aiden is freely doing... Maybe I'm being too self-centered after all.
I know my feelings are valid, knowing what I had gone through when I was with Luca... but it doesn't mean that my actions are valid. Maybe I was really aware that I'm being selfish right from the start. I was just too busy defending myself and my actions.
"Ivana... I don't know what to do," I just said while talking to Ivana on the phone. She's in Manila now; she said she might visit here in Batangas again in two weeks.
I just bit my lower lip while driving to Vanna's school. I finished work early, so I'm the one picking up my daughter.
"Sissy... what do you know about Luca? Do you think he's the type of person who would take Vanna if he found out the truth?"
I couldn't answer her question right away. "I-I don't know, Ivana. H-He suffered for a long time knowing that our child didn't survive because of him. N-No matter how kind a person is, anyone would get angry if they were in Luca's position... even me," I whispered.
"It came from you; he suffered for a long time. Why don't you just tell him? Knowing you, you also won't have peace of mind, especially since you know there's a person suffering because of you. And can you really stand that Vanna thinks Aiden is her Daddy? You're not just being unfair to Luca, but also to your daughter."
I bit my lower lip and sighed. I hate to admit it, but Ivana is right... She really knows what to say whenever I need advice... I have to think about this carefully. I don't want Luca to be tormented forever, but I'm afraid to take a risk... more like, I'm afraid of the outcome.
I just shook my head when I arrived at Vanna's school. I got out of the car after parking and immediately went to the gate, but I was stunned by what I saw... Vanna, she was in front of her father... her real father.
They were both standing, facing each other. Luca had his hands in his pockets while staring at Vanna. Vanna handed him a biscuit. Luca was obviously hesitant, but he just took it.
I couldn't move from where I was standing while staring at them. My hands were getting cold, and my hands were shaking; I know this feeling is nervousness... but I also feel something strange in my heart that I can't explain.
"Grandpa, you're looking at my food; you're hungry, right?" Vanna asked with her hands on her hips.
Luca scratched his nape and tilted his head. "Um... I-I'm not looking at your food, and I'm not Grandpa yet. I'm just--"
"Shh, it's alright, Grandpa. My teacher told me to respect the elderly like you. Eat now; don't be shy," Vanna said and handed Luca another pack of biscuits.
"H-Havannah!" I immediately went to them.
They both stopped and looked at me. I just bit my tongue when I felt something throb in my heart while looking at them... I just held Vanna's arm and gently pulled her closer to me.
"H-Havannah, um, please buy some juice for me. Can you, baby? From your canteen," I just said and gestured towards the inside of their school.
Vanna smiled and gave me a thumbs-up. "Okay, Mommy!" After she said that, she immediately ran inside the school.
I just bit my lower lip, and my hands got even colder because Vanna called me "Mommy"; I'm sure Luca heard that... I have to think fast.
"Um... w-what are you doing here, Luca?" I asked nervously.
"Cadmus told me that we'll meet here, but he's not here yet," he just said. His forehead creased, and he followed Vanna with his gaze. "Who's that kid? Why is she calling you Mommy?" he couldn't help but ask.
"S-She's my niece. She's my sister Cherry's child, um, b-but she likes calling me Mommy. I also want her to call me that... Um, because, you know," I said, making an excuse. I can feel my lower lip trembling.
Luca just nodded and looked at the biscuit he was holding. "I'm sorry," he said, which surprised me.
"H-Huh? W-Why?" I just asked.
"I don't know. It's just... I feel like you must be having a hard time. Maybe you're still grieving that you want to be called Mom..." He smiled bitterly. "I-I'm really sorry."
His eyes... they always bother me every time I see them.
My chest just got heavier from what he said... I feel like I just made his feelings worse. I held my sling bag tightly. What the hell am I doing? I did nothing but to make everything worse for him... What should I do? This is so hard. My feelings are all mixed up... I don't know anymore.
"Mommy, here's your juice!"
I was stunned from my deep thoughts when I heard Vanna's voice. She came to me and handed me the bottled juice she bought. She also handed Luca one.
"Grandpa, take care of yourself!"
Luca just looked at the biscuit and bottled juice in his hands. He looked at Vanna and smiled at her. "Thank you."
I was frozen in place... This is the first time I've seen him smile again. Even if he doesn't know that Vanna is his daughter... maybe he feels comfortable with my child... with our child.