Chapter 11 Zemirah.

Chapter 11 Zemirah.
Zemirah.

The bath was still warm as I went inside, I guess Elara refilled it at some point. I'd just sit in it and let time go by.

I undressed, my clumsy fingers on the piece of clothing Elara had left folded on a chair. A soft robe, fluffy slippers, and a face moisturizer.

I didn't want to look at my body because I already knew what I'd see, and I wasn't ready for it- bruises in finger shapes, rope marks on my wrist, Detlef really left an indelible mark on me.

The deep water in the bath swallowed up my shoulders, it was so hot, it made my skin prickle and tingle, I sank in whole.

I breathed in, out, the steam curling up around my face, it created a fog around the window, gave the mountains outside a blurry illusion.

I tried not to think of anything, it didn't work. My mind kept going back to the Diner, how Nandez had Det on his knees, arms twisted behind him, how he said he couldn't stop thinking about me.

I should have been satisfied hearing that, instead it made me feel used and dirty.

He'd wanted me, not even my father's pack nor a truce, he fucking locked me up and watched me suffer and starve.

I pressed my palms against my eyes till I could literally see stars.

The water cooled down, I was lost in my thoughts, I didn't notice until my fingers wrinkled and my teeth started to chatter, when I finally got out , I felt wrung out, empty.

Elara left some clothes too, a soft leggings, a thick sweater, socks with a little grip on it.

I dressed slowly, the fabric was gentle on my skin, when I caught my reflection on the mirror, I could barely recognize myself. I looked pale, hollow, and my hair was tangled like seaweed.

But as I dressed, I felt the warmth and I was no longer staggering. It was nice to experience healing.

The entrance to my room opened onto a hallway that stretched in both directions, to the left, the way we'd come in, to the right, there were more doors, more windows, and the soft sound of a humidifier.

I stood at the doorway for a short moment, trying to figure out which way was the right way to go.

I opted to go right, I needed to catch the cool breeze outside and I wanted to be alone.

The hallway opened into a small sitting room, smaller than the one we passed on our way in, a beautiful bookshelf lined two walls, filled with old books, leather bound volumes that kind of looked ancient, a piano in the corner,closed. Dust moths floating about in the morning light, three armchairs facing each other, one facing the window, so anyone sitting could look out over the valley.

I chose the chair closest to the window and sat.

The heart of the city was fully awake now, cars moving along the roads, people passing by, a bus making its way up the hill, from up here, they really looked like toys. Lol.

I wondered what the people down there were doing. Could they be buying groceries, walking to work, or even arguing with their spouses about whose turn it was to pick up their kids? It had to be normal things, things I used to do.

I heard the chair behind me creak.

I turned, a beautiful woman stood by the door, a frame in one hand, mug in the other. She had the type of beauty that could make you look twice- sharp cheekbones, dark skin, hair braided back neatly, her clothes looked simple but you could tell they're expensive.

We looked at each other.

"You must be Zemirah." she asked in a low voice. "I'm Viviana."

The name caught me off guard, I've heard of her- Fernandez's fiancée. The way she was looking at me, I didn't know what to think.

"I didn't mean to intrude," I said. "I was just looking at the view."

"A good view, huh?" She didn't move from the doorway. "My grandfather helped design this particular wing, he really wanted each room to be a masterpiece.

"He was right."

Viviana's tapped her fingers against the mug, "Fernandez told me a little about you."

My belly tightened. "What did he tell you?"

"That he found you, you needed a place to stay." she tilted her head, like she wanted my facial expression to give her a hint he was lying. "He didn't tell me you're the girl he's been looking for though." She added.

I didn't know what to say to that, I didn't want to make anything worse.

Maybe I looked terrified, that's why her tone softened slightly. "I'm not here to give you a hard time, I know what Detlef does to people, and I really know what you went through."

"You do?"

"Yeah, I do... My cousin was mated to one of his men." Her voice was sad. "She never returned."

She really looked tense.

"I'm sorry, really sorry about what happened to her." I said.

"There's no need to be, she chose that life."

Viviana moved into the room at last, she crossed the window so she could stay close to my chair. "You see, the thing is, I'm not your enemy, whatever happens between me and Fernandez is our personal issue, it's solely our fault. You don't need to worry about me."

Part of me wanted to believe her, she looked beautiful and composed, she was clearly in love with that man, and there he was obsessed with me.

But kindness had let me down before- my stepmom, she brain washed my father Into thinking people were good underneath, if you gave them enough chances.

"Thank you," I said, because I didn't know what to say to her.

She nodded twice, I felt like she understood. "When you're ready, there's food in the kitchen, Elara prepares pancakes every Sunday, it's just her thing." She made to leave, then she turned back and said to me, "Fernandez is in the east study if you need him, second door by your left, past the staircase."

Then she left.

I sat on the couch until the sun moved, my stomach growled at some point, I ignored it, the thought of eating didn't interest me at the moment.

I loved the smell of the pancakes, I caught the scent drifting through the hallway, the sweet smelling aroma, it reminded me of my mother's kitchen before she died. Everything fell apart after her death.

I got up before I lost interest in it.

The kitchen wasn't hard to locate, I just followed the sound of voices, I saw Elara there, a spatula in one hand and a plate in the other, four women sat across at a long wooden table, laughing about something, probably a joke.

Everyone got silent as I walked in.

I stopped at the doorway, suddenly conscious of how I looked, the borrowed clothes, my tangled hair, the bruises I wasn't able to hide, they looked purple and yellow on my neck.

"Good morning." Elara greeted me cheerfully. "Come sit, there's enough."

The women on the table moved without being asked, making space, one of them, young with freckles across her nose, dragged out a chair.

"I'm Mari," she said. "That's Sofia and Chiara."

I simply nodded as I sat.

Elara placed a plate before me. Three pancakes, they looked golden brown and steaming hot, with a curl of butter melting into the top one, a pitcher of syrup, a fresh glass of orange juice, it still had pulp floating in it.

My belly cramped as I looked at it.

"You don't have to eat everything," Sofia said gently, she looked older than the others, maybe forty-ish, with kind eyes.

I picked up a fork, and the first bite was really good.
Sweet and warm. The butter melted softly on my tongue, I took one bite after the other. The women had gone back to their conversation.

I ate two pancakes before I had to stop, my stomach couldn't take anymore. Maybe because I hadn't really eaten in days.

"Good," Sofia looked impressed. "Tomorrow you'll eat more."

I nodded.

\------

I spent the rest of the day wandering.

I didn't think the house was as big as I just saw it.
Hallways divided into wings, rooms that led to other rooms, staircases that led up , down and sideways.

I even got lost twice, I ended up in a library that smelled like old paper and dust, with windows that were opened to catch a glimpse of the garden behind.

I sat on the floor between two shelves, I picked a book and read through the first chapter.

I was so engrossed in it, I didn't know the light had changed, it was evening already, the garden outside the window had turned golden.

I closed the book and returned it to where I'd found it.

Fernandez was in the east study, just as Viviana had said. I accidentally found the door- second door by the left, past the staircase- I stood outside it for a long time, listening. I could hear his voice low, having a discussion with someone, a phone call I guessed. His tone was different from home it'd been during our drive home.

I could've walked away but my hands were on the door already, then he said "come in" before I even knocked. I realized he'd known I was there the whole time.

The study was small, a desk, two chairs, one thing about the rooms in this building, you could always get a beautiful view from the windows. Nandez sat behind the desk, his phone to his ear, and eyes on me.

"I'm gonna call you back,";he said to whoever it was, then hung up before getting a response.

"You really didn't have to do that."

"I was done." He leaned back in his chair. "How're you feeling today?"

"I ate," I said cause I couldn't think of anything else. "Two pancakes."

He looked relieved. "That's good, tomorrow you'll eat more."

I smiled. "That's exactly what Sofia said to me. He smiled.

"Your fiancée came to see me."

He looked numb. "Viviana?"

"Yeah, she brought me a mug, well she didn't bring it directly, it was in her hand."

Fernandez waited. "So?"

"She said to me. " I am not your enemy." I finally said. "Is she?"

He hesitated before responding. "Viviana and I have known each other since we were kids."

Our families arranged our engagement when we were thirteen. It was expected, but it wasn't for the sake of love.

"She's in love with you."

"No. She's in love with the idea of what our marriage would've made us be."

I didn't know if I should believe that, it didn't even matter to me, all I knew was that I'd walked into this house, full of beautiful, warm and kind people and I didn't know if my stay was causing a bridge.

"I shouldn't be here," I said.

Fernandez got up. He moved around the desk slowly.

"You need to be somewhere safe, that's all I care about." He said.

"And Viviana? What about her needs."

"Viviana will be fine, she's stronger than you think."

I could've argued more, I could've told him being strong wasn't the point, it wasn't nice to be dismissive of someone's feelings just because you felt they could survive it, but I was exhausted. Exhausted from fighting, thinking, trying to figure out who was the good or bad guy and what I should be in the middle.

"Can I ask you something?" I said.

"Ask away."

"That morning. After we-" I couldn't say it. "Why'd you leave?"

He didn't respond immediately, he looked emotionless.

"Because I was scared," he finally said. "I felt I'd betrayed Viviana, that I didn't love, doesn't mean I don't respect her."

"A man should be honorable, how'd I lead my pack the way I led if I couldn't be faithful."

"So you left."

"Yeah, I did." He came closer to me. "I regret it every day since, not the sex, the fact I left you."

I honestly believed that felt like the worst part, even though it didn't change anything.

"I don't know what I want," I said " I don't even know who I am anymore."

"We'd figure all that out." His voice was soft. "Together, one day at a time."

"I need time," I said.

"Take all the time you need."

I nodded, turned and walked towards the door.

"Zemirah."

I stopped but I didn't turn around.

"Whatever you make up your mind to do, whatever that happens at the end, I'm never leaving you again."

I stood there for a minute, my hand on the doorframe, then I walked out into the hallway, back to my room.

The sun was setting, the valley was turning gold, then orange, then yellow, then the soft purple of t
wilight. Lights came on in the city below, one by one, until the whole valley glittered, it was a sight to behold.

Tomorrow, I'd eat more than two pancakes. Tomorrow, I'd figure out what else I wanted to do during my stay here..

But tonight I'd just watch the lights twinkle across the city from my window.