45. Brief Questions

45. Brief Questions
Cassius POV  

Sol had not talked to me in a week. That was not entirely true. I told myself she did. She would ask me things here there but nothing important. It was as if we were distant relations. There was no coming together. There were no evening hunts, and there was no sex. She didn’t accompany me when I asked her if she wanted to go fishing. No, she was distant more  than when I first met her. 

The fact that she didn’t outright kill me for my compliance in the attack of her former pack was relieving, though. I did feel like maybe I should’ve had some form of punishment for it, and I wondered if maybe this distance was that. I had spent a whole year, listening to her talk about how great her parents were. How her mother taught her, and I couldn’t help but be envious of the way she was raised and brought up. It certainly wasn’t like that in my house.  

But every time she had shared some private detail of her life, I just felt more guilty from robbing her of those memories. From taking a place, she loved so much and turning it into a place that she couldn’t even return to and now she wouldn’t even look at me. When we did communicate, it was always brief. 

I didn’t want to push her to talk. I knew that would just backlash in my face. Queintin had left again. He told me he was that this trip was the most important for him He didn’t tell me all that much but he apparently at the end of the trip would be going to meet someone he met before Blood-Borne Pack was formed. He thought that she might be his mate and I was happy for him. It was so funny to me that in a year my opinions I changed so drastically.  

I knew now that the bond wasn’t just some spur of the moment thing. No, it was well thought out. The goddess she had put a lot of work into pairing people off. The compatibility between the bond was always there I noticed it. I was just hoping that it was enough to get Sol and I threw whatever was going on between us. I never put my stock into stuff like that, but I did now.  

I was sitting on the ground sharpening a large stick into a spear for throwing. I’d been working on it for a while now whittling down the end of it into a carving. I was making it her Sol. She admired the one I made for myself. I used it for spearfishing, and had liked the intricate designs of the one I have made for myself so I thought I would make her one as well.  

I was in my own world going over everything that we had talked about, and then I felt her presence my mate, my Sol. She took a seat next to me, not saying anything at first. “Do you regret it?” she finally asked. This was it. This was the conversation I had been waiting for we were going to discuss everything I had disclosed.. “Yes, very much” I told her honestly.  

She was silent for a long moment “What would you do differently?” I had not expected this question. I didn’t know how to answer. I just sat there and silence going over what I would’ve changed. The silence was long between us. “Come find me when you have an answer.” she said, and then she stood and walked off, leaving me yet again alone. 

I tried to think about what I would do differently, maybe I wouldn’t have just been standing there and watching the slaughter. I don’t think I would’ve joined the fight and tried to fight them off. There would’ve been too many and I was only one person, that wouldn’t have ended well. I could’ve maybe gone against my sister in the beginning and just chosen not to help or given them a warning of some kind.

Then it occurred to me. I probably wouldn’t have changed anything. I was a different person then there was no way to change it now so the question she asked was a moot. All I could say was I’m sorry and I feel differently now. Really the only thing I would change have changed was that I would have found her sooner.  
Maybe if I had, I would’ve seen that the mate bond wasn’t some crap that I have been brought up to believe. If I had met Sol sooner, I would’ve known that life could be different. That we could live the way I wanted to, that would’ve changed everything. But I hadn’t met her sooner. I had found her because I was hunting her. There was nothing I could do about that now.  

I stood up, going to search for my mate. She wanted to have a discussion, and I was somewhat ready. I was even prepared to grovel throwing myself at her mercy. I found her carving up a rather large cat of some kind, probably a mountain lion. “Sol,” I said her name and she glanced at me before she went back to carving up the meat. 

“So what’s your answer?” she finally asked. “I can’t change anything that I did. You know that and I know that. But if I could go back and change anything I would start hunting you sooner and not put it off like my sister insisted I do.” Her brows came together thinking. “Explain please.” she said gently. 

“Venus wanted me to start hunting you, when she started seeing Benjamin. I refused and said it was a waste of time until the pack was under control. Had I started hunting you before and met you it would’ve changed everything. I would’ve seen that the mate bond isn’t what I brought up to believe in. That we were in fact, a good pairing, and that the goddess wasn’t full of shit. Like I had been taught me she was. I could’ve warned you about what would’ve happened. Had I known you and had a chance to spend time with you?”  

She was silent for a long time then asked “I can’t recall if you said this, but have you talked to your stepsister at all since we came out here?” she asked. “No I haven’t. The last time I spoke to her was before we left. I told her I had found my mate, and that she was wrong about everything and that I would no longer be helping her with anything. Then I blocked her number on my phone and haven’t reached out.” I said honestly. 

Sol nodded, I could tell she was thinking. “Thank you for telling me that but I still need more time to think.” she said. It was weird. I could feel her coldness, yet she was being so polite with me in formal way. I leaned in to give her a kiss, but she moved to the side, not wanting to make contact, my chest fell. Was this really how it was going to be from now on? I hoped not.