44. The Garden

44. The Garden
Kaya Pov  

I had decided to go to the garden with Cade. It was as he said it was beautiful and there were so many people I loved and missed. I got to see Nieva and Robert. I was filled with happy tears getting to see them again to be with loved ones it was paradise. I always knew it would be, but being there was euphoric in an indiscernible way. Seeing Robert and even meeting his mate had been one of the best days of my life. Not the best but it was up there. I had missed him so terribly. There was no strife there, no worry. Nothing but joy consumed me.  

I tried to go back to that white void, and I did, but it was not something I did frequently anymore. Kimi had never once reached out or if she did, I didn’t feel it. It seemed the connection I’ve been given was only with my daughter. So, I went back to the Garden and I stayed there. It was joyous and happy there. My stress and anxiety faded when I was around my loved ones. The worries always faded and I relished it. I felt like I’ve been fighting so long, and this was finally the reward. I knew the garden was for the afterlife, a place to find peace after death. I knew I wasn’t dead though, however it didn’t stop me from enjoying it all the same.  

I had always felt like a good mom. I’ve been there and been present for every important event in Sol’s life. And even in the white void, I had waited just so I could hear her voice. I knew it was my motherly instinct to stay there, and wait for her to talk to me, but I just couldn’t keep doing it. She wouldn’t talk to me often and it filled me with worry the waiting for her to reach out.  So instead I came to visit the garden with Cade and it began to became harder and harder to return to that white place where there was nothing and no one all I did was wait and worry.  

When I stopped going altogether, I felt guilty at first how could I just abandon her? But I rationalized it saying that she didn’t speak often and even my advise for her was horrible. It wasn’t like any advice I ever gave her. I could only tell her the same cheesy line follow your heart, it made no sense. And it wouldn’t help her make decisions. So I started to just stay in the garden, spending time with Cade and enjoying the afterlife we would eventually have, but had not yet achieved. 

Every day became light and easy to enjoy, it was peaceful there and I loved it. Even the people in the garden were pleasant. The ones who had died in the brutal attack. I lost sight of what I needed to do, and I was okay with that. Because I knew there was nothing I could say to Sol to help. I had no real thoughts to give her. The goddess was gone and so was my advise. I was hanging out with some of our lost loved ones. Suddenly bright lights surrounded the garden. It was a short burst and then she was there that d isgoddess had finally come back. 

Unlike last time she wasn’t bleeding or lying down, she was upright and standing her white hair, the same shade as a full moon. Much like when I was answering my daughter ‘s prayers I could feel her in my chest speaking to me, and I approached her. “You abandoned your post.” She said, I began to sign “I didn’t mean to abandon it. I just wasn’t able to do anything you left me with no instructions and I didn’t know how to help. I could only communicate with my daughter.” 

My hands were moving quickly as I kept responding to her” I don’t want to be disrespectful, but I don’t know what else to say. There is no real excuse other than I just simply didn’t know what to do.”  

I felt the goddess's response in my chest “You did as well as you could I guess however I am very disappointed that you didn’t stick it out”. I felt almost ashamed. I knew there was no reason to be ashamed. I wasn’t born for the job that she gave me. I wasn’t immortal or anything special. I was just me. 

“What do we do now?” I asked wanting to know what comes next. Would we return to the land of the living or would we stay there in the garden with our loved ones that were lost? “For now you stay here but when all the chaos is over, I’ll give you the option. If you want to go back, the choice will be left up to you. Talk it over with your mate.” She said I looked at her. Do you know what’s happening with her daughter?” I used my hands to ask.  

She smiled. “I do.” was that all she was going to tell me. She turned and then the overwhelming brightness went out, she had vanished, and I was left in the garden alone with my loved ones. Cade came and stood next to me. His hand started signing quickly. The Goddess had talked to him as well, whether it was in his chest while she was talking to me or somehow different I didn’t know. All I knew was it didn’t really matter how she chose to communicate. The fact was that she finally had. 

I read what Cade was sighing “Are we going to go back?” That’s what he wanted to know. I myself didn’t have an answer. I just stared at him and like everything in our life we shared together. We’d have to have a long conversation about it, but in the meantime, we could enjoy our time here in the Garden. Cade leaned in and kissed me, taking all my fears away with a single kiss.