Chapter 9 Guilt
To say James was not happy with my decision is an understatement. He'd spent the rest of our dinner trying to change my mind. He told me a few months early wouldn't hurt anything, and by the time we were married I would be used to the feeling and want more of it... He promised it would get better the more we had.
"I know I can make it good for you... And then I can use the whole box of condoms on just you," he cooed. I could see the idea made him excited. On the other hand, the comment sent a little warning bell that I wanted to ignore.
Well, who the hell would he be using them on if not me? I wanted to ask, but I really didn't want to sound like some paranoid girlfriend. I trust James! I love him! He would never cheat on me.
Well, I wasn't really sure what to think about what he said to me. Why couldn't he just take what I wanted into consideration? Is it really that bad to ask him to wait? Why does he keep pushing when I tell him I'm not ready? Does every boyfriend do this?
He didn't drive me home right away last night. He took me to a dark park where everyone had already gone home. It was just the two of us... And somehow I felt dirty.
"But baby... I need you now!" He murmured against my throat as he leaned me against his car. He took my hand and guided it down to his hard member. I could feel how much he wanted me and I knew he'd have to take care of it on his own if I didn't help him out.
I felt guilty, so ended up reaching for his button, pulling his fly down, reaching in and squeezing tightly, as I began pumping him. I know it's not what he wanted, but it should help. I've only done this a couple times, but it seems to keep him happy.
"Yes... Baby just like that!" He mumbled, kissing my neck. "Faster... I need you to go a little faster Josie..." he painted, rubbing up against me. "Oh, this feels so good baby... Keep going... I'm close..." He murmured into my skin.
I felt his hands sneak up my shirt and squeeze my breasts. The sensation is cold and strange. He pinches my nipples and began to roll them between his fingers and giving a sharp tug. It sent a zing right down my core. I gasped and tightened my hold on his cock and pumped faster.
"That's right, baby! Just like that!" He growls. "Damn, I wish I was in your pussy right now. You would be so warm and tight... Ugh...Don't stop! I'm almost there! Keep going..." he panted as he jerked his hips in my hands. "So good baby girl... I'm gonna pound into you... so hot... so wet for me..." he mumbled. "Only me... mine!"
And then he's busy placing sloppy kisses along my jaw before he takes my mouth. My head is spinning in so many directions. I'm not exactly sure what I'm supposed to be feeling right now, but mostly I just feel cold and guilt. I didn't want to be standing in the middle of a damn park parking lot jerking my boyfriend off. Maybe I'll just have to fake it and make him feel happy...
It didn't take him long to shudder and groan, squirting his warm seed all over my hand. The sensation was... still gross. I know some girls get turned on by this stuff, but if I'm honest, it leaves much to be desired.
When I have sex, I want more romance. I want more feelings involved. I want love as much as lust... This just feels... wrong somehow. But how am I supposed to tell him that?
He leaned into me, panting hard to catch his breath. "Thank you baby! You have no idea how much I needed that," he mumbles as I pull away from his slack shaft before stuffing it back in his pants. "Just think... Someday I'll have it inside you," he smirks.