Chapter 8 Decisions
I obviously haven't told Beth about this plan, or my sisters. I'm sure Charlie will be fine with it. James has a little two room house out in town. It will be Liv who won't want to share a room with Charlie. But living with James would be so much better than living with Beth forever. I just can't stay there much longer, I'll go crazy!
"Um... when do you think we'll have enough money to get married? Do you think we can do it around Christmas time?" I ask, hoping this time he will give me a straight answer.
"Christmas time?" James almost squeaks. Then he clears his throat. "That's pretty soon. I was thinking... Next summer? Maybe August? We should be good by then," he shrugs his shoulder.
August? What the hell? Why do I feel like he's trying to drag this out as far as possible? I want to get married sooner than that! I might as well look into getting an apartment by then and just have a one room and share it with my sisters! I could sleep on the couch... or the floor. My sisters won't be so happy, but they will survive.
Olivia has been so damn spoiled her whole life. I blame my parents for this! I thought she would grow out of it, but obviously she's only gotten worse.
I wonder what would happen if we left Liv with Aunt Beth? Would she still be treated as 'royalty' or would she become the new slave because I left her behind? I have a feeling it's the latter, which is why I can't leave her, even if she wanted to.
"Sometimes I don't even know why I keep fighting," I murmur to myself, munching on a bite of spicy pizza. "I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle, and only my parents give me that little bit of hope that everything will turn out well," I sigh.
"It will, baby girl. We'll be a family and we can finally keep all your money! Maybe in a few months we will finally have enough saved up? We don't have to be married for you to move into my place..." He smiles hopefully.
I think about my finances and nod. I guess we can do that... It would be better than getting an apartment. I have a couple thousand saved right now, and when I ditch Beth, I can double my income. "Yeah, I think we will make it," I smile.
I just need to get out of there as soon as possible. The quicker I leave, the more money I can save. Then James won't be so worried about our income. We'd both have jobs, and soon Charlie will get a scholarship and go to school. I'll be able to take care of Charlie... probably.
"Great! Maybe then I can finally get what I've been waiting for," he sends me a devilish smirk. "I know you want to wait, baby girl, but seriously. You don't know what your missing!"
I know what he's been wanting. He's actually been pushing more and more for sex the last couple months. But I wanted to wait until we are married.
I'm not being a prude. My virginity is something that is wholly mine. Everything else belongs to someone else. But this... Its big for me, and I want to give it away when I'm ready. Not because my boyfriend is horny. If he loves me, he would wait!
"You know, it is your birthday," he whispers. "Come over to my house with me, and I'll give you what you need for your day to be all better," he promises. "I'll make it so good for you baby girl. I'll worship your body. We can celebrate you becoming a full woman."
I know he's been feeling horny forever... But it just doesn't feel right yet. I don't know why, but there is just something missing. I have no idea what it is. Would he be so pushy if I give it up to him? Will he let us get married if I do this for him?
I want to make him happy. I would give him my virginity, and I'm planning on it... Just not yet. I just don't want to have sex when I'm not ready! And if we are not getting married until next August, he can wait until August for sex!
"Not tonight, James. My head is sore and I've had a bad day," I try to let him down gently. I don't want to set him off tonight. I've already been through hell, I don't need another fight tonight. He won't understand why I'm feeling... unsure right now. Hell, I'm not sure either. I know plenty of girls who are sleeping around right now and rave about sex being the best thing ever... But that is not who I am.
"Baby, that's why this would be perfect! I could make you feel so good. I swear I'll be gentle and go slow. I've even got a whole box of condoms!" he announces. "Please baby, just the thought of being deep in your pussy has me so damn hard right now!" he begs.
I blink at him. A whole box? Just how many times is he planning on having sex tonight?
I think about it. I really do. But something really feels off. I know it's not fair to him to keep him waiting, but...
No. I've made my decision. He can wait a couple more months. And when we get married it will be all worth it. Right?