Chapter 190 Confronting My Emotions
I'm so confused right now. I really don't know what to believe! How the hell can I trust my feelings? How can I trust him?
I've never been good at emotions. I've kept them all locked away, and now that Trent has unlocked them, I'm having a helluva time regulating them. What do I do? I've never been in a position like this.
Why did he follow me? He told me to stop, but why? I know he was trying to convince me that it wasn't his fault. And maybe it really wasn't. Maybe it just happened and he wasn't planning on it.
Did he bring Melissa? Is she here to rub it in my face that she has his affection and I'm once again tossed to the side because I'm nothing?
Is he going to try and 'let me down easy'? If that's the case, he should've just sent a text and let me know I was just... a diversion for a couple days? That we can 'still be friends' or that we will 'see each other in class' tomorrow...
Why the hell do I keep jumping to conclusions? Josie did this with Rick and I remember exactly where that got her! Am I just as bad as my sister when it comes to facing issues we want to run from?
I should just ignore him, but what good would that do? I'll be seeing him in my class tomorrow morning. My mind is racing a million miles away and coming up with nothing. Nothing that won't hurt any less.
I might as well get this over with fast and then move on.
"Charlie," Trent pants, pulling me into his arms.
But I pull away, shrinking from him. I don't know if I can trust his touch right now. All the calm and safety I felt when he held my hand in class has been shoved to the side in light of recent events. I can't touch him when Melissa's hands had been all over him.
"Angel, look at me," he begs. He really does sound broken, and somehow that hurts me even more than if he was indifferent. I don't want him hurt, but I don't know if I want my heart shattered in front of me either.
For a moment I don't know if I can even face him. What if I look into his eyes and I see the pain that is echoed in my heart right now? What if I see anger? I don't think I could take that.
But I take a deep calming breath and blink back my tears, as I slowly shift so I can turn and see him full on. I can be brave. You've got this Charlie.
"Charlie, you have to believe me, it wasn't my fault. I was waiting right there for you and then Melissa attacked me!" he rambles. "She cornered me! I didn't want her-"
"I don't-" I swallow hard, trying to push down the emotion clogging my throat. "I don't know what to think right now, Trent. Maybe she's right... Maybe it's best if-"
"Don't I get a say in all of this?" Trent demands. "Right now, both of you are taking away my feelings from this shit show! Don't I get a choice in my life? Why the hell won't you listen to me?!"
"Why? Why does it matter so much? I mean... she knows you better than I do, and it looks like you were getting along-" I whimper, ringing my hands nervously.
"Don't fucking finish that sentence," Trent seethes. "Angel, listen to me, I broke up with Melissa ages ago. I can't fucking stand her! She cornered me! I didn't want her to touch me! I want you!"
I don't know why the tears start flowing down my face. My emotions are making a mess of my decisions. I don't know what to do! What the hell am I supposed to believe?
I look down at my shoes not wanting him to see me crying.
"Charlie," he whispers, reaching for my face. "Please, I need you to believe me."
"Trent... I don't know what to do right now," I sniff. "What am I supposed to do when I see her all over you? She hates my guts! She's going to hurt me if she sees me with you..."
"What can I do?" he asks softly, cupping my face and wiping my tears with his thumb.
"I think... I just need a little time to think..." I whimper. "I'm too emotional right now to make any good decisions."
I can see the hurt clear as day, but he nods his head. "Just, please, don't throw me away, Charlie. I don't know why the hell Melissa is here or what she wants with me, but it's not what I want."
My tummy is tumbling in knots. My head is hurting. My heart is breaking. There isn't any part of me that isn't in turmoil right now.
"What do you want?" I choke out.
"You."
The look on his face is so achingly sincere, something tightens in my chest making it hard for me to breathe.
I nod my head, swallowing hard though the ache. "I just need a little time," I mumble.
"Okay, I'll let you go Charlie. But I expect you to come back to me," he sighs before releasing me and stepping back.
That one act releases something holding me hostage and I sigh before racing for my car.
I need to get home so I can figure out what to do with all these confusing emotions.