Chapter 131 Eggshells
It's been two weeks since the worst night of my life. The night I thought I had lost everything and was ready to just give up on life. Hours I'd spent being underneath a man who turned out to be completely different than I had expected.
I can't even think of him without feeling a shiver of revulsion running through me. I've been trying very hard to keep the bastard from my mind.
I've been doing pretty well. I've had so much support from my family.
Rick has been my biggest support, giving me the time I need to myself. He's always there when I need him and he's not pushing anything. It's a completely 180 from when he first found me. I think he's scared if he pushes me, he'll lose me. But he won't.
My sisters have also been by my side, gentle and supportive. They are determined to make the nursery all by themselves. Liv loves fashion and design, and Charlie is more practical. They work well together, and Rick hasn't seen anything that worries him, so he gave them the go-ahead.
I've also come to think of the staff as part of our family. Grant, Brent and Sean have been treating me like they are my personal bodyguards. Jeff has been super sweet and has been very accommodating to my new tastes in food.
Rick refuses to get any more maids unless I've approved of them first. So, right now we just have a cleaning service come in twice a week. They clean the bathrooms and main areas in the house, along with the laundry.
I told Rick I could at least to the laundry, but he's been so worried about me lately, he insists I get better before taking on any responsibilities. So that is exactly what I've been trying to do.
Every day I feel myself growing stronger and stronger. Becoming who I used to be. Not before James. But before my life went to hell and my parents died, leaving me to take care of my younger sisters. Before I had to deal with Beth and her family.
To be honest, I haven't given her a second thought since I came to live with Rick. She and her horrible family can go beg for food in the show and if I'd see them, I'd be sure to kick her in the face.
Every morning, I wake up in Rick's arms. He just holds me, touching my belly. He seems so happy he's going to be a father, and I want to give that to him. I never realized he'd had a shitty life until he found me again. Now I want to give him everything he never had in a family.
He tells me how much he loves me. "You are so perfect, Josie. You have no idea how much you mean to me. And to think I almost lost you... I'm never going to let you leave me again! I love you so fucking much!"
He hasn't touched me yet. He's been very careful. And while I appreciate it, I also miss it. Our closeness. I want to tell him, but I don't know how. I'm also scared that if he touches me like I want him, I might freak out!
What if we're never able to be intimate again? I don't know if either of us would take that very well. I know I'm not the only one wanting that... connection between us.
I have a feeling he's waiting for something. Some sort of sign, letting him know I'm okay. I want to be okay. I want to be back to normal! But I'm scared.
For the first few days, everyone treated me like I was a glass doll. They were all so careful around me. Not that I could blame them. I was a walking mannequin for a short time. I felt hollow and empty. But it was hard... feeling them walking like they were on eggshells around me.