Chapter 132 Encouraging Visits
Even Liv didn't have Braxton coming around. Good! I really hope that isn't a temporary thing, but she knows I can't stand the boy. I'm not the only one, either.
Charlie came to see me two days after I got back. I'd been sitting in the library, just staring out at the snow. She looked nervous about approaching me. She asked me what I had been through.
"Jos? I don't... know how to ask this. But what happened that night? I know you really haven't talked about any of this. Rick is wondering if you need to see a doctor. And I agree with him. But I'm not asking this because of Rick. I'm asking this because of me."
I was scared to death to tell her. But something in her eyes told me she already knew. She knew the pain and self-loathing that came with this particular torture.
"James drugged me. I didn't even know it was him," I whispered, and noticed my hands had started shaking. "I woke up in a dark room. It was cold. I didn't know where I was..." I blink back my tears as the memories came flooding.
The smell of the mattress. The whistle of the wind through the crack in the window. The chill that was bone deep. The feeling of deep despair.
"Were you... alone for long?" she whispers, reaching out to take my hands in hers. The warmth settled something inside me. Grounding me. Pulling me out of the dark.
"I was alone a lot. I was left to my thoughts. To my regrets. I was scared and angry," I blinked back my tears. "I kept thinking about Rick, and how I was so confused with everything that was happening."
"How... did you cope?" Charlies voice trips over the last word.
"I didn't. My mind shut down, and I focused on the snow. I let my mind wander... I couldn't let myself feel when he... touched me," I mumble. "I didn't think there was anything else to live for. I knew Rick would take care of you, but the longer I was with him, the more I was certain no one would ever find me."
Charlie swallowed. Now she was the one trembling and blinking the tears from her eyes. When she looked at me with so much sorrow, my breath caught. "When he... was in you... did it hurt?" She whispered.
At her words I can't stop the cascade of memories of him pounding inside me. Of him yelling at me like I was some slut. Him hitting and biting me like I was a fucking chew toy. But mostly how it stung every time he entered me.
I wipe the warm tears from my face. "Yeah, it hurt. Physically and mentally. But mostly emotionally. He made me feel so fucking dirty," I choke.
Charlie's arms were around me in a second. "You weren't. He was. He was the one that got off on hurting you, and now I hope he rots in hell." I don't know when I've ever heard her speak with such conviction.
I sat with her for what seemed like hours, just crying, and she cried with me. It was amazing how just letting the tears fall helped. I'd been trying to hide them and push them away, but when I finally let them come, it felt... cathartic.
Hailey even came to visit, bringing me a bouquet of lilies. I hadn't seen her in days, and I felt bad that I hadn't even called her! I had completely forgotten everything outside of my own little bubble.
"I'm so sorry about what happened, sweetheart. I want you to take as much time as you need to heal!" She insisted, fussing with the vase, placing it on the coffee table. She'd even brought me some of her famous chocolate chip cookies.
She would always claim there was nothing her cookies couldn't heal. And I think she's right. She must be some sort of witch because the second I tasted the cookies I was in heaven.