37- Once when I was a child

World Change: World I

September 16th, 2016, late evening.

I open my eyes and find myself still lying in the back seat of Liry's car. Besides, I'm alone. That bothers me a little.

I struggle to sit up. I notice that the sun has started to set around me, but it's not yet nighttime. Also, there are many other cars and we are outside a restaurant. I send a message to Dakota. It takes a couple of endless minutes for her to respond, but she lets me know that I can still join them for dinner.

I bite my lips, and figure out how to get out of the car. I breathe in some fresh air to fill myself with some energy, or anything. I don't know if I fell asleep or passed out. But I think we have arrived in North Dakota because I know this place. We are definitely in Bismarck.

It takes me a few minutes to reach the entrance, and a few seconds to find both women. I lick my lips. I still don't know how to deal with the fact that I have to interact with Liry. I was fortunate enough not to know about myself while we were traveling, but now I can't avoid having a conversation. Is it too late to go back to the car?

I clear my throat to get their attention. My heart is pumping so hard that I feel like it could pierce through my chest and tear me apart at any moment. Yes, that dramatic. I feel nervous again despite having exchanged a few words with Liry when she picked us up on the South side.

"We ordered Kuchen, Eron. I know you really like it. Do you want to have one too? We thought we had to wait for you to wake up to give it to you."

I blink, a bit stunned by the situation. I nod my head up and down in a positive response, and take a seat next to Dakota. I startle a bit when I feel her foot caressing mine. On instinct, I look down and find her thumb up under the table. Is she cheering me on?

"I will be somewhat busy these days, but less busy than usual. So I hope to spend some time with you both," she says with a slight smile. "My mom asked about you. She wants to see you and cook for you, Eron."

I don't know how to handle that situation other than returning Liry's small smile. I think she has noticed my discomfort. I can tell from the way she tries to make me feel at ease, and I appreciate it. However, a part of me is still expecting her to ask why I didn't go to Faven's funeral.

Don't they think I'm a bad friend because of that? Because I feel like I was. I didn't say goodbye. That sucks.

"I like the apple pie she makes," I murmur, and keep my gaze towards the window next to us.

"There's a Hope brand apple pie waiting for you at my house," she says. The softness never leaves her voice.

Liry is a very calm and compassionate person. The only time I remember her sounding very frustrated or angry was on that fateful day. Her calm nature combines perfectly with the serenity of her face. And, for some reason, I find her chubby cheeks endearing. Liry and Faven had such a beautiful relationship, they made me think of what I would have liked to have with Maya back in those days, but I wouldn't admit that out loud. Never. That part of me that longed for those things died over the years. Now I can't expect anything.

"I will be very happy to try that pie," I assure her. And I make an effort to turn and look at her. "So, how are you guys? The move and all that."

Her laughter is velvety. It conveys a certain peace. However, it's not the carefree laughter she shared with Dakota a few hours ago when we started traveling. Does she really not hold any resentment towards me?

"It has been difficult to come back to the place where Faven grew up, but we didn't want him to rest anywhere else. He loved this place as much as he loved Pierre, but personally, we know what this space means. This is where he met Dakota, for example," she mentions. Dakota smiles with a hint of nostalgia.

"It was thanks to a field trip organized by the orphanage. I got lost and Faven helped me find my way back to the group. That was at the Plains Art Museum. A long time ago," her voice shows some pain. It's one of the few times I've seen her express herself like this when talking about her memories.

"Faven was very excited about the idea of keeping in touch with her, so he insisted that I get the phone number of the orphanage. My dad wanted to explain to him that it was very expensive, but you know how persistent he could be," she recounts.

Just as our Kuchen arrives, and my stomach grumbles with great anticipation to try them. I didn't know I was this hungry.

"Eat, Eron. I'm treating you," she gestures with her hand, and, although I'm about to argue that I can contribute, she reiterates, "I'm treating you. Save the money to pay your replacement at work."

My face blushes, and I resign myself to nod and eat. This tastes heavenly.

"That story you told, Liry, reminds me of the first time I received a call from Faven…" I sigh. "He was telling me that he found a beach ball under your car. He thought it was good news, except that the overly dramatic him felt sad because he had to return it to the neighbor."

I chew and swallow. Then my words come out on their own.

"So Dakota met Faven before me…"

"That's right," Liry answers before me. "Dakota is also part of our family, even though we were denied the right to adopt her."

The information is hard to digest. Dakota was going to be adopted by the Hope family?

"We were denied permission, and then Dakota insisted that she didn't want to be adopted."

"I'm sorry," Dakota sounds incredibly shy.

"Don't apologize, sweetheart. We understand your reasons. The important thing is that you both are coming back home," she drinks from her lemon juice before speaking again, "Eron, sweetheart, wipe your mouth. It's covered in cream."

Despite being as red as a tomato from the damn embarrassment, I have to admit how nice this feeling of receiving love is. How I missed this…

I would like to tell Liry, but the words I formulate in my mind are unable to move to my tongue so I can say them. There my words remain; on the tip of my tongue.

As it has always been when it comes to me.