35- Trip to the past

No world change: World I.

September 16th

I can't believe I asked Theo to cover for me at work tomorrow because I'll be out of town for several days, but that's what happened. Right now, I am reviewing some papers in my room, waiting for Liry to arrive. I pass one paper after another to read its content. I don't know if this is a masochistic act or preparation for what's to come, but I don't feel exactly happy or sad. I am still not sure how I feel.

Almost unconsciously, as I have done many times in the past, my eyes move to the piano that I haven't used in a long time. I am surprised that Dakota hasn't commented on it, because I don't want to explain why I left my most precious instrument aside. Although I suppose she will assume what it's about or ask at some point. I think I understand her way of being better now.

Liry will arrive in forty-five minutes, probably. Dakota went to buy some snacks according to the note she left on my nightstand.

I don't know how I managed to sleep last night, but it was very difficult. I would like to think it was because I was unconscious for several days, however, my mind took a toll on my nervous system and prevented me from resting. It was as if it demanded payment for all these days without thinking. Thank you very much, annoying mind.

I take a deep breath before returning all these papers to their place. Doing this for a long time won't change the destiny that awaits me. Today, for the first time in over six months, I will have a reunion with the past that I have been running away from. What a day. Not even Theo could believe me when I told him I was going to North Dakota. Does everyone see me as a coward?

My hands are shaking a bit, but there is nothing else to do.

I finish packing my bags. It doesn't take me long because we will only be there for a few days, but it is necessary to make sure my care supplies are there in case I faint while being out of town.

I lie down on my bed and put my hand on my head. I feel so pathetic… why does my mind wander like when I was fifteen and had little desire to live?

Maybe because I don't have much desire to live now either.

I hear my cellphone ringing, and within seconds, I hear the door opening.

Liry is outside, Eron! The time has come. I hang the backpack on my shoulders and hang up the cellphone. Yes, I keep postponing the inevitable. Annoying mind, I've said it. Maya is not home. I heard mom a while ago, but as quickly as she arrived, she left. So, the house will be alone. As lonely as it feels to live in it. If it had feelings, it would be more of the same. Damn. I must be really stupid to be imagining a house with feelings. The front door is open, and I see the small car parked next to the curb in front of my house. It's the same gray car from a few years ago, from what I can see. That piece of junk took us to many places in different stages, but it may start failing at any moment. Maybe it needs a new car. Huh. Look who's thinking about it. Mr. public transportation. Dakota rushes out of my house with an enthusiasm that is not unfamiliar to her. That contrasts a lot with my slowness and lack of enthusiasm as I approach. But there isn't much to do. I just kill time while locking the front door and start walking towards them. Finally, I see the beautiful Liry Hope, but I can't make out her face well because she is engrossed in a hug with the not-so-discreet "companion" of adventures that has latched onto me. I look for Chad from outside, but there is no one else in the car. It means that the excuse I had made up to keep avoiding greetings with Liry won't work. So, all I do is stand next to the car, waiting for my imminent destiny. Liry leaves Dakota and approaches me. She doesn't move forward to hug me, but she stays at a safe distance. Her smile conveys nostalgia and throws a direct dagger into my chest. I know what that smile means. "You look tired, Eron. What has happened in your life these months?" That's the first thing she says. I can't hold her gaze when I hear it. It disturbs me that she knows directly that I haven't been doing very well. I just shrug my shoulders. "He wouldn't blame you for what happened, Eron. And I don't blame you either. I don't want to feel like I lost my other brother, please. Do you want to come closer and hug me?" My lips tremble and everything I see gets filled with tears. Liry finally hugs me. The familiar feeling of those arms breaks me into a thousand pieces. The body scent, even if it's not her brother's, brings moments of familiarity and tranquility to my heart. The Hope family was also my family. And it hurts me a lot to have left them aside because of my… cowardice? Am I really a coward? I don't know how to face them. I have no idea. To my surprise, Liry is also crying. That's how we remain for a few minutes. When she steps back, she messes up my hair as she used to do in the old times. I allow myself to smile. "Thank you for temporarily coming back home, little brother." My heart has become very weak these days, because with those few words, Liry dismantles me once again. "Oh, Dakota. I keep wondering about the originality of your name. Weren't two Dakotas with cardinal points enough? Creativity was not their best trait." The mentioned one laughs. Liry wipes away her tears with a huge smile on her face. Yes, that woman is definitely Faven's sister. "I am unique among the Dakotas. Many will have the same name, but none like Dakota Laurent." She winks. A few minutes later, we are on our way to North Dakota. The road passes by me, endless, until we get lost in the paths we used to take to visit the Hope family. We have hours of travel left, and Liry promised to take us out for a meal. She asked about the state of my relationship with Dakota, and I simply answered the… truth? I told her we are friends. There is nothing more than that. I think Liry had no idea that Dakota and I had never exchanged words when Faven… well. You know. It's not necessary to clarify it. Dakota talks about the good times with a smile, as if it doesn't hurt or affect her. She does it with a huge smile and a lot of laughter. Liry does the same, and adds jokes to the matter. I can't understand how easily both of them can do that. I wonder if I will be capable of doing the same at some point in my life. I hope, from the bottom of my heart, to find the answer in our destination.