He always knew

- How could you? - I slammed the door to Ethan's office so hard that it rattled the shelves on the wall. He looked at me calmly, got up from his chair, and sat on the edge of the desk.

- How could you? - I yelled louder than the first time.

- You need to keep your voice down, Nicholas just went to sleep.

- Ethan, what did you do? Why did you call Madeleine here?!

- Nicole, she's your mother.

- So what, Ethan? Because of her I had an unhappy childhood, a lonely adolescence, I almost miscarried Nicholas, and you think I should just forget about it and we'll all be fine?

- Exactly! - Ethan said.

- Exactly? I don't understand, Colle. You of all people should understand me. Your father hated you too, you had an unhappy childhood too... how would you feel if I invaded your privacy, if I thought you had to reconcile with your father anyway?

- No! No, Nicole. Yes, she made a mistake with you, but she loves you, and that is the big difference between our situation. I, even going through all that, have forgiven my father. I still came here for his funeral, to say goodbye, to be at peace. My father didn't love me, Nicole. Your mother loves you.

- You don't know what you're talking about. - I paced back and forth.

to the other.

- I know exactly what I'm talking about, your mother came to me as soon as you arrived on my property. I received a call on my personal phone from a lady named Summer. She wanted to make an appointment with me. I don't usually meet people I don't know, but she was extremely insistent, she said it was an emergency meeting and that it was about Madeleine O'Connell's interests. I thought at the time... that Madeleine O'Connel? I thought it might be some company business, as we had provided services for her a few years before. I gave her the number to call and spoke to the company. She said it was not business, but a girl who was staying on my property. You.

I watched the whole thing as every word entered my head. For a while I stopped listening, and could only see those lips moving.

- How could you? How could you, Ethan? - Silent tears streamed down my face.

- Hey, baby... - Ethan reached over and tried to wipe my tears away. I pushed his hands away.

- No! You always knew... You didn't take care of me because you cared, you took care of me because Madeleine told you to! Otherwise I wouldn't have stayed in a cottage on the estate. You always knew! How could you? That's why you wanted to take me to New York, because you could do what Madeleine wanted. Months later I could reconcile us, and soon everything would be normal, you could go back to your perfect little life!

- No! No, Nicole! You don't know what you are talking about. I did meet with your mother, and the least I should have done was to tell you, but you were already so lost, I couldn't confuse you anymore. I didn't know everything that had happened, she contacted me, we met. She was worried and asked me not to interfere with her decision to stay. What I did was support you. I made you as comfortable as possible.

- You lied to me!

- No... it was not a lie. Your mother didn't ask me to take you to New York. I wanted to take you because I was already in love with you. I didn't know you were pregnant, let alone what you had been through. What could I say? What does it matter now? I couldn't even play my part, I fell in love with you and left.

- The truth, Ethan. You should have told the truth! This isn't about the past anymore, it's about what you've done here. You hurt me, you cheated on me, I don't want anything more to do with that woman. She may seem harmless to you, but I know exactly who she is, what she's done, and what she's capable of.

For God's sake, Nicole! Don't be so hard! She's your mother! She found me

three months ago in New York, so it took me a while to get back. She was uncontrollable, clearly out of balance. I know it must have been hard for you, but what good does it do you, baby? You need to let it go! She is your mother, Good Lord, you need your mother, Nicholas needs a grandmother!

- I can't believe... I can't believe you're taking her side.

- Nicole, you have to understand.

- No!

- You need to...

- No, Ethan! Leave me alone!

I sat down on Vivian's bed. She watched me cry and at no point said anything, just stood there, listening to me whine and complain. I lay on her lap and she continued to sit there, looking at me and trying to dry each tear that fell. After a while of silence, she finally said.

- I really don't mind you sleeping here...

I looked into her big amber eyes and completed. - But...

- Not that there is a but, you're a mother and you should know. Nicholas is five years old, how many mistakes have you made?

I looked at her and smiled.

- Come on, I'll start. The first summer we went there, we went to the mall and Nicholas got dirty, you hadn't brought a change of clothes. It was terrible. Or when you forgot to look at the expiration date on the milk and Nicholas almost swallowed it.

- Or when he was six months old, I slept with him on my lap and let him fall on the floor. It was horrible, I was very ill," I added. - Two months later I heated the milk too much and he burned his tongue. Even today my chest hurts just remembering it. - I smiled.

I looked at Vivian and she smiled back.

- There will be many more mistakes to come, little one. I don't even have to be a mother to know that. He is five years old and he asks questions that I don't know how to answer.

We both laughed.

- I remember when I was his age and my mother was everything, the smartest person in this universe. My father was the superhero, stronger and more competent," Vivian said excitedly. - A few years later I ended up in that boarding school. It was horrible, and we still had to deal with Clementaine and those mean kids. God, at that age, a few years later, I already hated my parents for locking me up in that place. I didn't understand their motives, let alone want to understand. We grew up and became teenagers. And I understood even less.

- Now I'm here - she looked at the window, her gaze lost in time. - I won't lie and say that I understood everything, and that they were the best parents, but they tried to be the best for me, even leaving me in that place. It made me who I am today, it shaped me. They are my parents, their job is to protect me from everything, even if I don't understand, even if I have to lose something, even if it hurts. Sometimes only time brings us the answers we need. I haven't found mine yet, Nicole, but you have found yours.

- I can't do it. After everything she did to me, how can I go back? How can I pretend none of it ever happened? She hurt me, Vivi.

- I know, little one, I know. There are still many mistakes ahead, with her and with Nicholas. In a while you will go from being a wonder mommy to a wicked witch. All because you will make decisions that he won't understand, which won't mean that you don't love him. The most difficult decisions in life are made by those who have emotional ties with us. This is because, many times, we fool ourselves into thinking that to love someone is to agree with everything. Or never make sacrifices. Or never hurt," Vivian said more to herself than to me. - Today you let Ethan know that you were mad at him. And why was that? Because he took your mother to make up or because he protected you all this time, knowing who you were?

"You know what? None of that makes sense. To me, you're angry because it's easier to hate someone for never looking for you or never caring. It's easier to hate someone who comes back with words of hate, with words of bitterness and resentment. You are angry with yourself because the moment you saw her, you wanted to hug her and you couldn't. You are being proud, I know. You are being proud, I know how I wanted to look for you at every fever and every toothache Nicholas had. And when you picked him up, I knew you wanted her to be there. Don't think that I don't understand. I love you and that's why I'm telling you: it's about time, Nicole. It's been years, no human is exempt from mistakes. But it's not fair to punish Nicholas for this. Punish you! In a little over a month you and Ethan will be one. And this family is

growing. Come on, girl, it's Christmas time, love and peace are in the air. It's time for this to end, save your family, come home.

Silent tears streamed down my face as Vivian gave me that subtle

that subtle spank.

- Come here, give me a hug, little one. I hate to see you like this.

I stood up and gave her a big bear hug. I grabbed my purse and headed for the door. In parts, she was right, but I wasn't ready for everything yet, some things would have to wait.