Chapter 41: Madeleine

I decided to go back to the hotel, ready to hug him and make him relieve the stored pain, no matter what. I would always take care of him, and I know he would take care of me.

I walked in, leaving my bags on the floor, strode into the living room and soon couldn't believe my eyes. Colle was holding a glass of water, face impassive. They watched me quietly, Colle simply bowed his head and left.

- What are you doing here? What is the meaning of this? Colle? - I held his arm as he passed me.

- Please, honey, I just need you to listen to her.

- Colle? - my voice took on a tone of utter indignation. How could he do this to me?

I let go of his arm and he stalked off down the hall.

- Nicole, first I need you to calm down," my mother said cautiously, her voice coming out of a scratchy throat.

- Calm down? No! I need to know what's going on here!

- I... I need to talk to you.

- Talk to me? No! There's nothing to talk about, all we could talk about five years ago.

- That's right! It's been five years, it's about time. I thought that maybe...

That maybe what?

- It's about time," she said seriously. - It's time to forget everything, we are a family.

- Family? I've been away for five years! Five years, Madeleine, not five days. Did you even look for me? Did you even think to call me?

- That is not true! I looked for you!

- Did you? - I raised my eyebrows in indignation.

- That's right, Nicole. Colle and I have been in touch ever since you moved there.

- What? Of course not! He would never hide something like that from me.

- Yes, he would, if I had asked him to! And I asked him to keep it a secret and, above all, to keep you safe.

- You're lying! - I shouted. - You never cared about me, you preferred to leave me there so that the press wouldn't know that the jewelry magnate who runs a multi-million dollar company can't manage her own family!

- Look, I understand! I really understand all your anger directed at me. But look, I'm trying, I want to start over. Don't act like a spoiled child, what's past is past!

- Me? A spoiled child? Can you even measure the severity the avalanche that your attitudes have pushed me into? And now you want to start over? Not so simple! You almost ended my life.

- I'm sorry! Is that what you want to hear? I'm sorry, you don't know what I've been through these years!

- I don't know what you've been through? - Tears involuntarily rolled down my face. - You, Madeleine, don't know what I've been through... You have no idea the hell I've been through, how I've cried all alone, not knowing what the next day would be like, you don't know what it's like to envy other families, not knowing if you'll be able to be a good mother to your child, since the only example I've had is the one I don't want to follow.

The bitter taste of the sentence almost made bile rise in my throat.

- Mom?

I looked back and saw Nicholas, who was wearing a small green pair of dinosaur pajamas. His dark blond hair was messy, his face still crumpled.

Sweetheart. - I turned and squatted down in front of him. - What are you doing up

at this hour?

- I can't sleep, Mom, it's too noisy in here.

- You need to lie down. Ask Ethan to tell you a nice bedtime story. He's probably in his office.

-Mommy, who is that girl?

Was I the worst human being on earth? Deny my son and me a second chance? The question that hurt me for years, because I simply didn't have an answer. "- Mom, if everyone has a mother, where is yours? Shouldn't she take care of you like you take care of me?" or "Why don't I have a grandmother? Or even "If Maria is not your mother, then who is my grandmother? Where is she?" Five-year-olds and their countless questions.

Would it be too cruel to give him the chance, what he had always wanted? But what if she went on like all those years? What if she took everything away from my little Nicholas? What if she hurt us? I just couldn't.

- No one - I made sure I spoke loud enough for her to hear. I kissed him warmly on the forehead and he walked down the hall.

- No one? - Madeleine repeated in a way that sent a spark of pain through my heart.

- No one, Madeleine. You ceased to exist for me when you left me alone. There is no starting over for us. My family is Nicholas and Ethan, no one else. Family doesn't abandon, family doesn't hurt, family doesn't lie.

You are nothing to me.

Yes, it hurt.

It hurt.

I bled.

My heart broke.

I cried.

- I'm sorry, it was a mistake to come here. - She smiled sadly. - I should have told you that you could have stayed home, that I was sorry for leaving you, for always leaving you.

Please! Please! - I cut her off sharply. - Don't try anymore

to fix your mistakes! Just go away!

- You're wrong!

- Newsflash! - I walked past her, opening the door. - Don't ever come back here again.

Madeleine walked past me, and as she was about to leave, she looked over her shoulder and inquired. - You are wrong. Family makes mistakes, family lies, and sometimes abandons, but family forgives. Family is pain, love and sacrifice.

She looked one last time into my eyes and left.