The Brother

Ethan was dozing off in his armchair. I came over quietly and sat on his lap. He awoke startled, then I felt his body relax when he saw me.

- I feel...

- Shhh! - I shut his mouth with my finger. - No, Colle, I'm sorry. I was so rude, I didn't give you a chance to explain. In fact, I don't care, I understand why, I just need some time to assimilate everything, I didn't expect... Please don't be angry with me for my attitude earlier, it's been so many years, I couldn't handle it.

Ethan pulled me into a sweet kiss.

- It's okay, baby, I really should have prepared you sooner, told you that I knew part of your story, I'm sorry. I never lied to you. I just wanted to protect you. Sometimes we do stupid things because we want to protect someone too much.

We hugged each other for a long moment without saying anything.

- I wish I had been with you sooner.

- It's okay. It was a long day.

- Yes, it has. - I smiled a long smile.

- You see, I almost forget. Tomorrow we'll have a visit.

- Really?

- Yes, my brother. We met and agreed that we would have dinner together. I think it only fair that my future wife meet my younger brother.

Ethan pinched the tip of his nose.

- I just want peace, baby, I want my family together, I want to be able to see everyone at the table on Christmas Eve, I want everyone happy for us when I'm leading you to our first dance on our wedding night. Today, I was able to see how easily life breaks down. And I want to be able to enjoy everything I can with you. I know I caught you by surprise today, but know that we can stay as long as you need.

- I know, darling. I'm sure we feel the same way, just

just give me some time.

***

I was anxious. Having never met any of Ethan's family, I didn't know how to act.

God, Nicole, calm down! It's just Ethan's brother.

What if he doesn't like me?

What if he's as bad as his father?

Does he look like Ethan?

What if... What if...

I felt like a silly fifteen-year-old teenager about to be introduced to her boyfriend's family.

The doorbell rang and I jumped in fright. The door was opened, then I heard the greeting. A few seconds later, I heard footsteps coming towards me.

- Nicole, this is Gregory, my brother.

- Oh, brother, you don't have to keep calling me that.

Wait, I know that voice...

- Nice to meet you. - He smiled at me. I shook his calloused hands, big hands, long thin fingers. At this moment, a wave of complete terror went through my body, my body trembled and I had to control myself not to simply pull my hand away from his contact.

My world stopped.

I never believed in fate. I've always been a skeptic, not the kind who doesn't believe in God or anything. Not in that way, but about fate. I've always believed in the responsibility of your actions in the rawest way. So be it. I know! Talking like this sounds even cruel well, but it is the most logical thing to think about in a situation, instead of blaming the invisible fate. Human beings are like that, they like to absolve themselves of blame, to give reason to the invisible, to believe that it's all a bad joke of fate.

Even when I got pregnant or when I got dumped, when Madeleine wanted to force me into an abortion, when I had nowhere to go or no one to count on, or when Ethan abandoned me the first time. None of those times did I blame fate. I always knew my enormous degree of guilt. I always knew that whether I lied, omitted, hid, failed, or simply acquiesced, that made me an accomplice to a situation. And not hostage. But in this case, at this table, in this house. I really couldn't understand, all the way through, where I had lied, omitted, hidden, failed, or simply acquiesced. Because, damn it, it was so wrong! And really, if this wasn't some fucked up joke of fate, I didn't know what else it could be.

Later, while we were sitting at the table everything seemed to go its normal flow, while I tried my best to keep my expression neutral...and failed miserably.

- Is everything all right, love? - Colle drew his beautiful eyebrows together strangely, creating furrows of concern between them.

I looked at him, who was chatting normally with Luck but was interrupted by me, who was in a state of shock.

- It's okay. - I gave a forced smile. Although with everything in me, I wanted to run away from that table. I started to stir my food, which was already cold, when Luck's voice broke the silence.

- Ethan told me that you used to live here.

- yes, I did.

He watched me for a second, expecting me to follow up. But I didn't. Then he slouched uncomfortably in his chair. Embarrassed, Ethan continued the conversation.

- She graduated as a chef a while ago. She's wonderful at what she does. - Ethan looked at me as if he expected me to continue.

- Yes," I answered this time. - I graduated a while ago, thanks to him. - I nodded in Ethan's direction, and he nodded his glass in my direction.

- To your credit," he said. - You're wonderful at everything you do.

- Well, what made you end up in Dallas?

He left the question open, so that any one of us could answer.

Piggling, clearly not amused, Ethan, thank God, spoke up.

- Destiny.

Luck laughed. Not a smile with tenderness or sweetness, the kind I always saw in Ethan. It was a dry smile, there was no appreciation or anything good stamped on it. Although the lips were exactly the same, thin and pink and perfectly alike, but so different...

- So I just have to say that I'm very happy for you, brother," he said. - Not many people can have someone like Nicole by their side. An intelligent, interesting, though quiet, woman. - He winked. - Possibly selfless and terminally beautiful. - He raised his glass and we toasted. A Bordeaux wine was opened. A nine hundred dollar bottle, vintage '88.

The truth is, I drank it so fast that I barely appreciated the wine. Unfortunately, that was the least of my problems, since less than two hours ago I had found out that Luck, or Gregory as Ethan called him, was my future husband's brother. Who, by the way, was NOT my son's biological father, because just for the record, my son's father is his brother! I was sweating. And hyperventilating. Was it the wine? I was sure it wasn't. I had never been so nervous. My hands were shaking and I had to grip the glass tighter than usual, for fear, absurd as it was, that at any minute it might slip out of my hands.

Dinner was taking too long. They were talking too much. I just wanted to get out of there, get out of that town, hide my son. Although, thank God, he preferred to stay in the room with Maria.

- You know, on second thought, you remind me of someone," Luck said quietly.

I almost spit out my wine. I coughed, and then I spoke.

- Not that it's impossible, but I think it's unlikely. I barely left the house when I lived here. And luckily, I moved out and found Ethan. I mean not luck. I found him thanks to you," I said, staring at him.

- How? - he asked.

- Why, how? Ethan told me about your disagreements. I mean, not that it has anything to do with me, but thanks to you he ended up changing, growing, and becoming what he is. Thanks to all of this we found each other. I think that, in the end, there is a hint of fate in things.

He looked at me seriously and a long silence fell over the table. I thought I would be scolded. Then Luck filled another glass of wine and said to Ethan:

- I liked her.

I'm sure he tried to give me that sexy smile, which years ago caused me tenderness. But now it only caused me disgust, anger. And I held it in. I could take it.

- Well, brother, I guess I'll be going," he said, leaving the table.

I politely walked Ethan and him to the door. Counting his steps. Praying that he would leave soon. Praying that I would never see him again, praying that he would never recognize me.

He shook Ethan's hands, remembering a charity lunch that would be held the next day and that he absolutely would not take no for an answer.

Then he moved closer to kiss my hand. I hesitated, my hands stiffened at his contact. His cold lips caused nothing but a shiver of apprehension and fear to run through my entire body. He looked into my eyes, and the only thing I saw in those beautiful blue eyes that I once cherished was emptiness.

Everything was going well. I did it, I got through it, and I didn't freak out. He turned to leave, but, as if time passed in slow motion, something happened.

- Look who's awake! Come here, champ!

Ethan took Nicholas by the hand and walked with him to us. Luck's eyes finally left mine. His lips left my hands. Once so early, now so late.

He looked at Nicholas and I could see every strand of hair on his body shiver. It was as if he had seen a ghost. He swallowed dryly. I could see every movement, every breath, losing control. Everything.

He finally turned to me. Again to Nicholas, and again to me. Holy shit, they were identical. I don't think Ethan noticed. Nicholas fumbled with the buttons on his blouse.

Luck approached, crouched down in front of Nicholas and held out his hand amiably.

They talked for a moment. Nicholas and Luck. Son and

progenitor.

- Colle, I wonder if I could talk to you alone?

- Of course, Gregory.

They went out. I took Nicholas and told him wonderful bedtime stories. About a world without lies, with loving people, with perfect families.

- You don't have to do this," he said later, hugging me from behind as I washed the rest of the dishes.

- It's okay, I want to. - I stretched out my neck to kiss him.

- I know it sounds bad to take in a person who has hurt me in the past, but Gregory is not a bad person, love. Just give him some time. It must be hard for him to be around another family.

- It's okay, I understand.

- It's just that you... seemed a little uneasy, maybe uncomfortable.

I washed my hands and turned to him.

- I'm sorry. It's just that after everything you've been through, I don't feel well. I feel that he is half responsible for what happened to you, even if not directly.

I'm sorry for my arrogant way.

It was true.

- I understand. I also wouldn't feel comfortable around someone who has already hurt you. It's just that he's my brother, baby. And maybe you just need some time. - He smiled and again took me in his kiss.

Just get through this and go? just get through this and then we can

leave...

I kept saying this all the way, really trying to convince myself, until we were so close to the mansion that we could no longer turn back. And really, I didn't even want to, I couldn't give any hint that Colle suspected the truth. I know, it was terrible, I was feeling really bad, but surely there was no way to tell everything. So I decided that the best thing to do was to act normal, since Luck apparently didn't remember. It was my last day in town, so I would just have to face it all, and soon we would be back to our normal life. My hands were sweating, I wiped them clumsily on the red dress I was wearing. - Colle drove the car with one hand and the other hand

the other, he lovingly closed over mine, which was still clinging to the dress.

- Yes, fine. - I forced a smile.

- We don't have to stay long. Let's just take our time, then we can leave.

- That's fine. Nicholas is with Maria, I don't want to overburden her either.

- Hey, baby. - He looked away for a second and smiled at me.

- She loves our boy.

Our boy.

Our boy.

My mind floated on the words, until I realized that he was still

still speaking.

- She likes being with him so much, she didn't think it bothered you, we could have brought him along.

- No, it's not that. I'm just...

- Tense," he added. - Baby, I know how complicated it must have been to meet Gregory. For all that I told you before, another man who loses everything. He begins to see new horizons, and begins to want to value what little he has left. Now it's him and me, our lineage is over. - Colle cleared his throat. - A year ago he lost his wife and son in a tragic car accident, and unfortunately I didn't meet them or go to their funeral. He was Nicholas's age. Gregory doesn't say much, but I know him well, I know that he has suffered and is suffering, now he has us. That's why it's important that we are here...I really don't know what I would do if I lost you and Nicholas.