Chapter 8

A New Man for Madison? TMZ has learned that the troubled actress has found a new lover old enough to be her father. It’s not a surprising development. Given that the teen starlet has divorced her mother and never knew her father, she’s likely starved for adult attention.

—TMZ

After that fresh hell, I honestly didn’t know what to do with myself. I walked around the lot, shell-shocked, not knowing where I was going. Trying not to cry.

I thought Jeremy and I had a connection. Jesus, I thought he was the one, you know? But it was all fake, like the sets on the studio lot, like the whole goddamn city. Right then I hated Hollywood. I hated Jeremy; I even hated Dr. Phil. But most of all I hated myself. Because I’d fallen for all of it.

My phone rang. I looked at the number. Jeremy. Maybe he was calling to apologize, or maybe he was just pissed that I’d lured Marlene to the office. Didn’t know, didn’t care. I turned off my phone.

At this point I wasn’t far from the Dahl House, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to stop in. That meant telling Madison she and her buddy Dr. Phil had been right, and that I hadn’t told the complete truth about Marlene. It meant having to suck it up when Madison served up a big heap of “I told you so.” But maybe fessing up to the whole mess was exactly what I needed to do. Even if Jeremy didn’t care about the truth, I did. And if it hurt, so be it.

I took a deep breath and opened the Dahl House door. Madison was sitting on the sofa staring into a hand mirror, peeling little pieces of rubber glue off her face. But that wasn’t the weird part. That was Nikki, flopped on the bed, as if she and Madison were best girlfriends instead of sworn enemies.

The minute Nikki saw me she sat up absolutely straight, as if she’d just been electrocuted or had a pole stuck up her ass. “Oh, wow, it’s late, huh?” she stuttered, heading for the door. “See you guys later, okay?” And just like that, Nikki was gone.

Madison put down her mirror. “Thank God you’re here. In another two minutes, I was going to toss that bitch through a window.”

“She thinks you don’t know about her and Ren?” I still don’t know why Nikki would ever think I’d keep a secret for her, especially if that meant keeping it from Madison.

“Who knows?” Madison sighed. “We just don’t discuss it. But she might as well cop to screwing the bastard. All she wants to talk about is what a visionary he is, and how great his writing is, and how I’ll probably get an Emmy for playing a fat chick. And I can’t tell her to suck it because my agent says I’ll get a bad reputation.” Madison rubbed a white towel over her face, which was raw in places from the prosthetic glue. That, and the thick stage make-up was ruining her skin, making it break out in some places and turn blotchy in others. Yeah, the glamorous life.

Madison let the towel slip through her fingers and onto the floor. “You know what’s really disgusting? I mean, besides my face? Ren’s wife came to the set the other day. Real nice lady. And Ren’s introducing her to everybody, and Nikki’s right up front, shaking her hand and chatting with her like she’s not screwing her husband. And all I could think was, that poor, poor woman. I mean, she must know, right? She’s got to have heard the rumors.”

I thought about Ren’s wife. I wondered if she looked anything like Marlene.

Madison stood up. “It’s like, Nikki and Ren aren’t just scummy. They’re evil. They don’t care who they hurt; they just want to get laid, like animals. Help me find my purse?” I must have missed that last part, because Madison had to give me a shove. “Hello, earth to Erin? Purse. Keys. Then we’re gone, yes?”

“Sure,” I said, even though I didn’t move a muscle, letting Madison search all over the Dahl House until she found her things right next to the door. “Let’s go.”

***

The last thing I was in the mood for when we got home was a family dinner. But Victoria had somehow pulled herself out of her Michael-induced funk and was standing in the kitchen with a spatula in one hand and an oven mitt on the other. “Hungry?” she chirped. God, all I wanted to do was hide under the covers for, like, a week. But no, I had to make nice and eat whatever the hell my sister was attempting to cook. Since she’d realized in Vegas exactly how fat she’d become, Victoria had been making a lot of noise about “eating healthy,” and I was sure that couldn’t be good for the rest of us no matter what she said to the contrary.

“I’m ravenous,” Madison bellowed before she’d gotten a sniff of what was on the stove. Silly girl. Already I was spotting enough clues to begin thinking a late-night burger run was in order. A book called “Don’t Have Cow, Man: Vegan Recipes for the Whole Family” was sitting on the counter, and I saw a box of something called spelt. I mean, isn’t that a verb or something?

My dad walked in, set down his briefcase, and walked over to where we were standing. He was holding a copy of one of the tabloids. “Iltta,” my dad said, jabbing his finger toward the open page. So, I read.

There was one of the photos we had taken on the red carpet in Vegas, but in this picture Victoria and I had been cropped out. All you could see was my dad and Madison with their arms wrapped around each other. And then there was the caption.

“MEET MADISON’S OLDER MAN!” it screamed. I kept reading. “Poor little orphan girl Madison Dahl seeks comfort in the arms of her best friend’s father, sending shock waves through Hollywood!”

Oh, crap. Madison slapped her hands over her mouth to muffle a scream. I gritted my teeth, waiting for my dad to tell me this was all my fault. Which it was.

But when I looked at my dad, he was grinning. “I’m a celebrity now!” he crowed. “Neo neun nae ga ha neun mal eul deul eo ya hae!”

Personally, I didn’t think him being a “big celebrity” meant I had to listen to everything he said, but whatever. Madison looked at me. “Can he read English?” she asked under her breath.

“Of course, he can read English,” I said, but I sort of wondered if my dad had gotten so wrapped up in the photo he’d overlooked the text. I mean, not only did Madison look like a nutjob, but he also looked like a perv. And now I had this disgusting image of the two of them together, which made me feel like I needed to go wash my brain out with soap.

Victoria, her eyes wide, grabbed the magazine to examine it more closely. “The lovebirds spent a romantic weekend in Las Vegas while Madison hosted the Game Awards. ‘They looked so in love,” a close friend said. “He went out of his way to open doors for her, carry her luggage. Just a true gentleman.’” She looked at my dad. “You have to let me take this to the sorority. The girls will DIE.”

My dad grabbed the magazine. “I get you copy,” he said. “This goes on the wall, framed.” He looked the article over, smiling and shaking his head. “The crazy things they write, huh?”

I looked at Dad and Victoria and wondered where the aliens put their real bodies. “You’re not mad?” I asked.

My dad shook his head. “Why? It’s funny. No one believe this stuff.”

“I wish they hadn’t cut me out of the picture,” Victoria pouted. “Actually, I take that back. I looked awful in that dress.”

When I finally glanced over at Madison, I think her expression was probably the same as mine. Total shock. And, possibly, the flickering of a light bulb being switched on over our heads. Madison had been taking all this tabloid garbage so seriously, every headline about her chubby thighs and bad attitude and cruelty to her mom another knife to the gut. And maybe it didn’t have to be that way.

Madison grabbed the magazine, looking at the picture and then my dad. “You think this is funny?”

“Don’t you?” he asked, grinning impishly.

Madison stared a long time at the magazine, then shrugged. “Maybe,” she said quietly.

I smelled something burning. Great, dinner. “Victoria? What is that?” I bleated, holding my nose.

“Oh, no,” she said, pulling open the oven door. Inside sat a blackened loaf pan. “The vegan casserole!”

“We go out,” my Dad said. “Tofu House.” As Victoria ran to get shoes, he leaned toward Madison and me. “Don’t tell her I turned up the oven. She try so hard, but her health food? Ammu mat omnun.

Madison didn’t have to understand Korean to know my dad was calling Victoria’s adventures in healthy cooking were damn near tasteless. The burnt vegan casserole said it all. “Works for me,” she said, jogging for the door.

***

I’d thought dinner was going to be sheer agony, but it wasn’t that bad at first. We hardly ever went out to eat as a family and doing it on a weekday felt kind of subversive. And being out in public, watching the waitresses scuttle back and forth to our table, was a nice distraction. Even though everything, from an old Buick in the parking lot (green, like his eyes) to the polo shirt another customer was wearing, reminded me of Jeremy. It was all I could do not to turn on my phone to see how many times he’d called.

Instead, I watched Madison struggle with all the confusing Korean food. She’d thought she’d eaten authentic at our house, but we hardly ever ate anything more complicated than kalbi (beef ribs). So, I wasn’t surprised that Tofu House, with the cryptic menu and the raw eggs, was a bit of a shock to her. “Okay, I get the kimchi, and the little side dishes are nice,” she said, hesitantly eyeing the plates that had arrived at our table.

“Panchans,” Victoria said.

Madison nodded. “But why did they give me a raw egg?”

“It’s for the sundubu,” I said. “Watch.” I picked up my own egg, cracked it on the edge of the little stone soup pot bubbling away in front of me (we each had one, so I didn’t have to share), and watched it cook. Madison made a face.

“You’re eating raw egg soup?”

“Not raw,” my dad explained. “It cooks in the pot.”

Madison didn’t look like she was buying it, but she tried it anyway, looking away as the gelatinous yolk flopped into her pot.

“It’s good,” I said, scooping a spoonful and slurping it up. And it was. The broth was spicy, and, because of all the egg and the creamy tofu, it was almost decadent. All the girls at BevHills would get worked up over “comfort” food like mac and cheese and mashed potatoes, but if you asked me, sundubu was the real thing.

And man, did I need sundubu now. I mean, come on. I’d just found out my sorta boyfriend (I mean ex-sorta boyfriend) was a cheat and a liar, and I couldn’t even tell my best friend without sounding like the lowest form of scum. Like, oh God, Nikki. I was mulling this over and over in my head, not really paying any attention to the conversation going on around me. Until it stopped.

I looked up from soup, and everyone was staring at me. Victoria was giving me her worried mom face. Great. “What’s going on with you?” she asked, her brows furrowed like angry apostrophe marks.

“Nothing,” I said, scowling back. Couldn’t I just eat my soup in peace?

“You’ll feel better if you talk about it,” Victoria pressed on. “I felt better when I talked about Michael.”

“Great.” Of course she felt better after she’d made everyone else feel like they’d been run over by a truck.

“Oh, I didn’t even tell you guys,” Victoria said, looking around the table. “I found out I have a class with Michael’s new girlfriend. The one he cheated on me with.”

Madison put down her spoon. “Did you talk to her?”

Victoria shook her head. “No. But I’m going to. I think I need to confront her. To heal, you know.”

That was about all I could take. “Could you just shut up about yourself for half a minute, Victoria?” I snapped.

My dad frowned at me, waggling a spoon in my direction. “Be polite,” he growled.

“Why do I have to be polite?” I said, my voice loud enough that the family at the next table turned to stare at me. “She comes home with her big, puffy crybaby face and all she can do is yap about Michael, Michael, Michael. I’m sick of it!” I turned to Victoria, whose big, puffy crybaby face now featured a perfectly round “O” for a mouth as her jaw flapped open. “Why don’t you just go back to school and bore the crap out of your stupid sorority sisters?”

Victoria pushed back her chair and ran toward the bathroom, swallowing a sob. Madison looked at me as if I’d just spit in her soup. “Aren’t you going to talk to her?” she asked.

When I didn’t say anything, Madison stood up, tossed down her napkin, and followed Victoria. And that left Dad and me. “That was not nice to your sister,” he said.

“I know. I’m sorry.” It was a lot easier to apologize to Dad, since he didn’t have Victoria’s wounded puppy eyes.

My dad sighed. “Your mother would know what to do with you two girls,” he said. “I just don’t understand.”

I wanted to tell him I didn’t either. Instead, I just finished my soup. But at that moment it didn’t seem like comfort food at all.

***

For the rest of the week, I called in sick to work and stumbled through my classes. After school I’d go to the library, or the mall, or anywhere where I wouldn’t have to see Victoria’s pouty face or Jeremy’s perfect black curls. I left my cell phone off, too. Jeremy kept calling and calling, but I couldn’t bring myself to listen to the messages. I couldn’t stand to delete them either, so pretty soon my voice mail was full. It didn’t matter. There was no one I wanted to talk to, anyway.

So, it was kind of a shock when Cassie came running up to me in the cafeteria line. “Did you see how much it went for?” she asked.

I know I just kind of stared at her stupidly, so she waved a hand in front of my face. “Hello, earth to Erin? The auction?”

She pulled me out of line and unfolded a piece of paper. It was a screen grab of our auction page, with the final bidding price in big, bold print. “Three thousand dollars, Erin! We did it!”

Cassie was grinning ear to ear, but all I could manage was a quick wince of a smile. “Aren’t you glad?” Cassie asked.

“Sure,” I said. And I was, sort of. “I just have a lot on my mind.”

“Like what?” Cassie said, dragging me over to an empty table. “I’m good at solving problems.”

To this day, I have no idea what came over me. I just started blabbing about Jeremy, about Marlene, about how I tricked her into coming to the office and every stupid detail. By the time I was wrapping it all up, lunch was almost over, and we hadn’t even gotten anything to eat.

Cassie didn’t seem to mind, though. She just listened, nodding at the right times, asking questions. The girl should be a therapist someday. “Look, we all make mistakes,” she said. “The only mistake you made was trusting a guy, and that’s not so bad, is it?”

I shook my head. But Cassie hadn’t heard the really bad part. That’s when I told her the real truth, what had been making this whole week such a living hell, the reason why I couldn’t delete Jeremy’s messages. “The thing is, I don’t even care about Marlene anymore. I just want to be with him.”

It felt like such a horrible thing to say. Maybe I really was a bad person. Maybe I was just as bad as Nikki and didn’t care who I hurt as long as I got what I wanted. But Cassie didn’t say anything like that. “You’re only human, Erin. You really liked the guy. The problem isn’t Marlene. It’s that he lied to you. Do you really think you could ever trust him again?”

“Probably not,” I said. That was depressing as hell to think about, but at least I didn’t feel so guilty anymore.

The class bell rang, and we stood up. Cassie patted me on the shoulder. “Just don’t beat yourself up over this, Erin. He’s the cretin, not you.”

After school, I got into my car and sat in the parking lot for a while. I could go find someplace else to hide for the afternoon, or I could go to work. I could face Jeremy. I started the car and headed for the studio.

***

When I walked into BRRB, there he was, sitting behind his desk as cute as ever. He jumped up when he saw me, then froze. It wasn’t like he could run over and kiss me in the middle of the office or anything, and that was fine with me. As it was, my knees were already shaking.

“Erin,” he said, a little too loudly. “I’ve been trying to get a hold of you.”

“I know,” I said, walking down the hallway to my office.

He followed right behind me. “I need to tell you something,” he whispered. He was so close his arm brushed against my back, and it took all my self-control to keep moving. I desperately wanted to run my fingers through his hair, kiss him, anything. And maybe punch the shit out of him, too.

“No, you don’t,” I said, trying not to look at him as I sat down at my desk. “Everything’s fine.”

“No, it’s not,” Jeremy said in a deep voice. He shut my office door behind him and walked toward me so quickly I didn’t have time to think. He pulled me into a kiss so intense it was almost bruising. I tried to remember the things Cassie had said, but they got all jumbled in my head, drowned out by sensation. The softness of his lips, the pressure of his fingertips, the force of my longing. I didn’t care about Marlene, or Nikki, or whoever the hell might walk in right then. I just wanted to be with Jeremy.

He pulled away. “I broke up with her, for real,” he said. “I’m sorry I lied. I was a coward and an ass, and I wouldn’t blame you if you hated me. Let’s start over, okay? Please?”

Finally, a little fragment of my lunchtime conversation with Cassie worked its way up to the surface. Did I really think I could ever trust him again? After that kiss, I couldn’t spell my own name, much less come up with a coherent answer to a hard question. “I need time,” I managed to say. “You have to let me think about this.”

Jeremy nodded, stepping back toward the door. “Whatever you need,” he said, those green eyes boring through me. “I’ll be here, waiting.” With that, he slipped out the door and shut it behind him.

I opened up a script and stared at it. The words on the page might as well have been Gaelic for all the sense they made as my mind spun in circles. He was single. He was waiting for me. At the time, I obsessed over a million different possibilities, some good, some bad. It all seemed so complicated. Looking back, I can’t believe how simple it should have been.

***

“I can’t wait to see Todd,” Madison sighed. We were in my bedroom getting ready for the big eBay date. She’d insisted I come along as a chaperone, which was fine by me. We were going to Lawry’s, an old-fashioned steak house in Beverly Hills, and I was in the mood for some free prime rib. Lawry’s wasn’t exactly the trendiest restaurant, but as Madison pointed out, she wanted to take her fan someplace nice but where she wasn’t likely to run into any other stars who might wonder why she was hanging out with some weird guy with a mullet or a socially awkward twelve-year-old. I mean, who else would cough up three grand for one dinner?

But Madison wasn’t really worrying about her fan. She was just desperate to see Todd again. “Maybe he can stay for a few days,” she said, slipping into a slim, blue skirt. “I want him to go house hunting with me.”

“How’s that going?” I didn’t really want Madison to move out, but the house was feeling a little crowded with Victoria back home. Maybe if Madison got a big enough house, she’d take me with her.

Madison shrugged. “Okay. Taz keeps offering to tag along. And I guess he’s kind of helpful. His dad was in construction, so he knows all this weird stuff. Like, he and the real estate lady had this whole conversation about lathe and plaster walls. Like, he explained it to me twice and I still don’t get it.”

By the time I finished fixing my make-up (damn eyeliner!), we were running late, but only Todd was waiting when we got to the restaurant. “Baby!” Madison squealed, kissing him before scanning the room. “Where’s our biggest fans?”

Todd shrugged. “They called and said they’d be five minutes late,” he said. “Our table’s ready, though.”

We wove our way past the waiters with their clunky silver carts of meat and sat down at a corner booth toward the back of the restaurant. “Good,” Madison said as she sat down. “Very private.”

“So no one sees you with some creepy fan?” Todd whispered, smirking a little.

“Maybe,” Madison admitted. “But you never know. It could just be someone who really likes the show and has a lot of money.”

“Or a stalker,” Todd shot back.

Madison looked at me. “You wouldn’t stick us with some random lunatic, would you?”

I was wishing I had an answer for that when I looked up and saw the waiter leading Jenna and Kelly to our table.

Madison saw them, too. “What are they doing here?” she said, her voice just short of a shriek as she plunged her fingernails into my leg.

“OW! I don’t know!” I said, prying her hand off me. “Maybe they just happened to be here, too.”

“You know these guys?” Todd asked, looking confused.

Jenna and Kelly smiled nervously at us as the maître d' gestured for them to sit down. Todd leaned across the table and shook their hands. “I’m Todd,” he said simply. “Nice to meet you.” But Jenna and Kelly barely looked at him.

“You’re probably wondering why we’re here,” Jenna said as she held her menu in front of her like a shield.

“You think?” Madison spat, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

Jenna took a deep breath. “I bid on the auction because I thought it would be a good chance for all of us to sit down and clear the air,” she said. She sounded a little rehearsed, as if she’d been preparing for this moment a long, long time.

Madison crossed her arms over her chest and glared at her, then at me. “Did you know about this?”

Oh, fabulous. She thought I was in on it, too. “No, trust me.” I would have told Jenna to save her money. Or, I’m guessing, her parents’ money.

Jenna shook her head. “I couldn’t take the chance she’d tell you, Madison,” she said.

Todd stared at all of us like we were talking zoo animals. “What the hell is going on here? You know these girls?”

“Why don’t you tell him, Kelly?” Madison hissed.

Kelly had been quietly hiding behind her menu, and when she looked up her eyes were red-rimmed and wet. “I did something that hurt Madison’s feelings,” she said softly.

“A long, long time ago,” Jenna added.

“She sold a story about me to the tabloids,” Madison said.

“What kind of story?”

Madison’s eyes widened. “We’re NOT retelling it here.”

“That bad?” Todd asked, putting his arm around her. He glared daggers at Kelly. “Why would you do that?” I’m sure Todd was imagining horrible tales about stuff like bestiality and elderly abuse, not a stupid little item about a girl throwing up in class, but that wasn’t going to get cleared up tonight.

Kelly shook her head. “I’m sorry. It was stupid, and I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings, Madison.”

“Well, you did!” Madison barked. “Why don’t you just drop it, both of you?”

The white jacketed waiter walked over. “Are you ready to order, or do you need a little more time?” he asked.

“I feel too sick to eat now,” Madison said. “So, you guys do what you want.”

I hadn’t even looked at my menu, and the truth was, I wasn’t hungry anymore, either. I don’t think anyone was. “Give us a minute,” Todd said finally.

“Why won’t you just forgive her, Madison?” Jenna said. “You act like she tried to kill you!”

Kelly started to sniffle, and Madison stared at her, disgust etched on her face. “Oh, please! What is wrong with you?”

Todd looked at Madison as if he’d never seen this side of her before, but he didn’t say anything. I’m guessing he didn’t want to get on the receiving end of whatever Madison was dishing up, either.

Kelly pulled out her cell phone and stood up. “I’ve got to make a call,” she said, her voice shaking. I watched her walk away. She was desperately dialing her phone, so focused on it that she almost plunged headlong into another table.

Madison looked like she was ready to lunge at Jenna she was so mad. “What were you thinking, Jenna? This isn’t any of your business, anyway!”

“Kelly is my best friend,” Jenna said smoothly. “And I don’t think you have any idea how much this is hurting her.”

Madison rolled her eyes. “She’s a big girl. She can handle it.”

“Not right now, she can’t,” Jenna said. “Did you know her parents are getting divorced?

“So?” Madison said without hesitation.

“So, the reason they’re getting divorced is because she found out her dad was having an affair. And she told her mom. And it’s getting really ugly. Like restraining orders and frozen assets and all that crap. Her mom wants her to testify against her dad, even.”

The expression on Madison’s face didn’t change, but Todd looked horrified. “That sucks,” he said. “When my parents broke up it was bad, but no one took out a restraining order. That’s gotta screw you up and hard.” I think that was the moment when I started really liking Todd because I was thinking the same thing. No wonder Kelly had been so weird lately.

“It’s like her whole world is falling apart,” Jenna continued. “And then, Erin and I went to Cassie’s party, and she felt even worse. I just thought if I could fix this one thing, it would help.” She was sounding a little weepy, too.

I looked at Madison. “Maybe you guys can just talk,” I suggested. “That doesn’t mean you have to forgive her.” I thought about my dad laughing over the stupid tabloid story about him and Madison. That was so much worse than Kelly’s tiny anecdote about Malibu Barfie, and my dad didn’t even blink. But clearly, Madison wasn’t like my dad.

Madison shook her head. My God, she was stubborn. “None of this is my problem.”

Todd let go of Madison’s shoulder and looked at her as if she had just taken a dump on the table. “Man, you’re cold,” he said. “Would it kill you to talk to the girl? It’s good karma, if nothing else.”

Madison’s eyes opened wide, as if she couldn’t believe Todd was criticizing her. “Okay, fine,” she said in a small voice. “I’ll talk to her.”

“Good,” Todd said, waving down the waiter. “Because I’m starved.”

By the time Kelly came back to the table, we’d already ordered and gotten our salads. I saw Madison’s spine stiffen as Kelly approached, but at least she didn’t say anything rude.

“Hi,” Kelly said nervously as she sat down. “Had to take care of something.” I wondered who she’d called. Maybe her shrink.

For a little while, we just made small talk. Or rather, Todd and I made small talk, with Jenna commenting here and there. Kelly and Madison mutely picked at their food. I figured it was progress, since no one had run from the table in tears.

Once the doggie bags came (the only one of us who could finish their meal was Todd, big surprise), we braced ourselves for The Talk. And it started almost the moment our after-dinner coffee arrived. I wish I could blame the caffeine for what happened, but that would be wishful thinking.

“Look, Madison,” Kelly started, swirling her spoon around in her cup. “Just tell me what I need to say to make this up to you.”

Madison sighed. She looked exhausted. “Let’s just forget about it, okay?”

“Are we friends, then?” Kelly asked.

Madison didn’t say anything. “How about I just forgive you, and we call it a day?” She didn’t sound angry or sarcastic. Just honest and a little sad. I think we all knew what that meant. Madison might not hold a grudge anymore, but there was no repairing this friendship. Things were different now.

Kelly nodded, but I could tell that wasn’t what she wanted to hear. “If I had denied it, would it have made any difference?”

“What?” Madison asked.

“If I had just said that magazine made it up and that I never talked to that reporter, would you have let this go?”

Madison shrugged. “I don’t know.”

Kelly looked at Jenna. “Everyone says to tell the truth. That nothing bad can happen if you’re honest. But it’s not true. I told my mom about my dad, and that all went to hell, and I told Erin the truth about that stupid tabloid reporter.” Kelly looked at Madison and me. “I thought I owed that to you guys because we were friends. But look at us now. We can’t even talk.”

Kelly stood up from the table, and Jenna did, too. “See you at school, Erin,” Jenna said. We watched them slowly walk out of the enormous dining room. I wondered if this was the last time all four of us would ever be together in a room. It just seemed so tragic. Tragic and unnecessary.

No one said anything for a minute. Todd smiled at Madison and kissed her on the forehead. “You okay?” he asked.

She smiled. “No. But thanks for asking.”

Todd and Madison invited me to hit a club with them after dinner, but I asked to be dropped off at home instead. I said it was because I didn’t want to be a third wheel, but it was more than that. I knew that there was no nightclub that could cheer me up, no dance mix that could drown out my sadness. I just wanted to sleep and maybe, for a little while, forget what had happened. Which was probably for the best. Because for all the hell that was about to break loose, it didn’t hurt to be well rested.

***

That Sunday, I rolled out of bed and stumbled into the kitchen, hoping to God someone had bothered to make coffee. If they ever create an I.V. drip for the stuff, plug me in, baby. I’ll take a million milliliters of cappuccino, stat.

Anyway, I didn’t need the caffeine boost as badly as I thought, because when I saw Taz and Todd sitting at the kitchen table with Madison in Todd’s lap, I woke up and fast.

Madison smiled apologetically. “I just wanted to squeeze in a few more minutes with my honey before he went to the airport,” Madison said. “They’re leaving, like, yesterday.”

Taz, whose Mohawk was now platinum blond, gave me a wink. “Nice pajamas,” he purred.

I looked down. If you’re wondering, I wasn’t wearing my sushi PJs. These were baby blue with handbags and high heels on them. But still, not exactly the sexy lingerie I would have chosen to wear in front of Taz. Not that I wanted to get him fired up or anything. But I guess I just hated thinking he had me fingered for a virginal prude, even if that was entirely accurate.

I must have just stood there blinking stupidly, because Madison kept talking. “Want to look at houses with me later?” she asked me.

“Houses?” What was Madison talking about? And why was Taz looking at me like my cotton pajamas were a whole lot sexier than I thought? Just because I was awake now didn’t mean my brain was fully operational.

“I’ll come,” Taz said quickly. Madison spun around to look at him as if she’d forgotten he was there. Or as if she was hoping he wasn’t there.

“Oh,” she said. “I thought you had to take Todd to the airport.”

“I’ll be back in half an hour,” he said smoothly.

Todd patted Madison on the back. “I’m glad he’s helping you with this. He really knows houses.”

Madison smiled wanly. “And he frightens my real estate agent, which isn’t a bad thing, I guess.”

I was feeling like an idiot standing there, so I mumbled, “Coffee,” and started opening up cabinets, trying not to pay attention as Todd and Taz headed for the door.

But I wasn’t getting off that easy. “See you later, Erin,” Taz said, waving at me with a goofy grin on his face.

“Bye,” I said, wondering if most girls had to see a random guy they dirty danced with at regular intervals for the rest of their lives.

Once the guys were gone, I dragged Madison into the kitchen. “Did you really have to invite them over? What is it with you and the breakfast meetings?”

Madison rolled her eyes. “Oh, come on. Taz liked your pajamas, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“Whatever. You two can have fun looking at houses today. I’m out.”

Well, that got Madison’s attention. “No, no! You have to come with!” she squealed.

“Why?” I knew she wasn’t that desperate for girl talk. “What’s wrong with going with Taz? He knows houses, after all.”

Madison bit her lip. “I just don’t like being alone with him.”

“Well, I don’t like being in the same house with him. I win.” I opened the refrigerator, but Madison pushed the door closed before I could grab the milk. “Hey!”

“Look, I’m begging here.” I almost laughed, until I realized Madison was dead serious.

“What are you girls up to?” my dad asked as he walked into the kitchen. “Big day today?”

Madison’s face lit up like Vegas at midnight. “Mr. Kim, would you like to come with Erin and me to look at houses? I’d really love to get your input.”

My dad couldn’t resist that. “I would love to help you, Madison,” he said, bowing a little. “But after breakfast?”

“Sure,” Madison said sweetly. So, just like that, Dad and I were babysitting Madison for the afternoon. Why, I had no idea. I mean, Taz was kind of weird, but it’s not like Madison needed to be protected from the guy, right?

***

Sitting in the back seat of the real estate agent’s Escalade, I was having a hard time resisting the urge to jam my nose against the window and drool. For hours we’d been driving all over the really nice parts of Los Angeles, walking through mansions with enormous swimming pools, home theaters, and sub-zero freezers. It was like a real-life episode of “Selling Sunset” or something.

If I were Madison, I would have bought the very first place we’d seen, a big, white mansion with five bedrooms and its own recording studio that had apparently been owned by some guy in Bruce Springsteen’s band. But Madison wasn’t impressed. In fact, she’d been acting like Goldilocks all day. Everything was too big, or the wrong color, or just not right. And even when we did see a place that she liked, Taz shot it down in a red-hot minute. “Floor’s uneven,” he’d scowl, getting down on his hands and knees and rubbing the travertine tile.

It also didn’t help that my dad was having an attack of sticker shock every time Nina, the real estate agent, opened her mouth.

“They’re asking a little over five for this one,” Nina said as we pulled up in front of a two-story place in Venice that looked a little bit like a big concrete block.

“Five what?” my dad whispered in my ear. When I whispered back five million, he looked at me like I’d spit in his ear. “Kojitmaljaeng-i!” he roared, which made everyone else turn around and stare at us. Good thing he called me a liar in Korean, because I don’t think Nina would have appreciated it. She was really nice, but she had an edge to her, and I kind of suspected if Madison didn’t buy something eventually she’d kick us all out of the car and make us walk home. I wondered if my mom had been like that when she showed houses, but I doubted it. I think she was too honest to ever make a lot of money in real estate. I know she would have gotten Madison a really good house at a good price, even if she still didn’t like the girl, and she wouldn’t have wasted time showing her big, ugly concrete block houses in Venice. Of course, if my mom were still around, a lot of things would be better.

We walked around the big concrete block place, and I wasn’t any more impressed with the inside than I was with the outside. I mean, it was huge and everything, but it was really modern, almost more like an office building than a house. “I think you’ll really appreciate the master bathroom. Polished concrete counters and double sinks,” Nina said confidently.

My dad darted into a walk-in closet to admire the built-in dresser, so I wandered around the house following Taz and Madison. I watched as Taz scanned the ceilings, knocked on walls, and poked his nose into each room. And then, I watched as he ran his hand up and down Madison’s back. I’m not talking about a friendly pat or anything. The guy even left his paw on her butt for a second or two.

Madison shivered and stopped dead in her tracks, pretending to be distracted by some architectural detail. “Love the beamed ceiling,” she muttered, pointing upward.

What the hell was going on with Taz? Madison was his best friend’s girlfriend. Even for a guy like Taz, I would have thought hitting that would be off-limits. But why was Madison even putting up with it? If she needed a house inspector, she could hire one who didn’t scare the real estate agent.

Nina led us like lemmings into the kitchen to show us all the nifty appliances. “The kitchen is completely updated,” Nina said, turning the kitchen faucet on and off to show us the miracle of running water.

“And I hate this place,” Madison said angrily. “Why are you wasting my time? This is a dungeon!”

I felt a little bad for Nina, but she didn’t even flinch. “Okay, tell me what you’re not liking and what you really want,” she said quickly.

Madison sighed. “I don’t like these big, modern boxes. I want something warm, something with character. I’d like a pool, but I don’t need five bathrooms and five garages and a Zen garden in the backyard. I want something… comfortable.”

“You want a home,” I said.

Madison pointed at me and nodded. “Exactly. A home. Not a McMansion.”

Nina nodded, and I’m sure she was watching her jumbo-sized commission go up in smoke. “Well, I might know of something,” she said hesitantly.

“Great, let’s go,” Madison said, walking to the door without looking back.

Half an hour later, we were in the Encino Hills. It wasn’t as funky as the Hollywood Hills, and it wasn’t as fancy as Bel-Air. It kind of felt, well, suburban. But Madison was nodding as we drove through the streets. “Better,” she said to Nina.

We pulled up in front of a house that almost looked like an English cottage, but bigger. There were rose bushes all along the house, and ivy crawled up the side of the garage. It was the kind of house my mom would have called charming in a real estate listing.

“It’s been vacant for a while, and they’ve reduced the price. Oh, and the kitchen needs updating,” Nina sighed as she opened the front door.

“I don’t cook,” Madison shot back, making a beeline for the backyard.

The rest of us followed her into the enormous yard. Like, there are smaller city parks in Los Angeles. And there was a pool, just like Madison had asked. The place practically screamed for a big, blow-out barbeque. “This is great,” Madison said to no one in particular. I could already tell that Goldilocks had found her “just right.”

My dad and I wandered into the kitchen. There was no fancy fridge with a television in it (we’d seen that earlier), but there was lots of room and a counter where you could eat and talk to whoever was making dinner.

“Your mom always wanted a kitchen like this. Open plan, I think,” my dad said. I guess he’d been thinking about Mom, too.

Madison walked up next to us, tapping a number into her cell phone. “You guys like it?” she asked.

We both nodded. “Great. I’m getting it.”

“How much is it?” I asked.

“A little over two,” she said. “But Taz said I should offer one point seven and see what happens.”

Oh yeah, Taz. I grabbed Madison’s arm. “What is going on with you two?” I whispered in her ear.

Madison pointed to the phone. “Hey, honey, it’s me!” she trilled into it as she walked out of the kitchen. “I’m getting a house!”

My dad looked around the kitchen. “She needs to get a good house inspector,” he said, following Madison out of the room. “We need to talk about her mortgage. Big decisions, now.”

I walked out of the kitchen and into the empty living room. I wondered how Madison would decorate it, what color she would paint the walls. I wondered if she’d get lonely here all by herself. I wondered if I’d be lonely once she moved out.

I didn’t get much of a chance to wonder about anything else, because suddenly Taz was standing next to me, wrapping a hand around my waist. “Hey, baby,” he purred.

I grabbed his hand and pulled it off me. “The name is Erin.”

Taz looked at me, surprised. “Wow, hey, I was just being friendly. I guess what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas?”

I was about to tell him I wished he’d stayed in Vegas, too, when Nina walked in with Madison and my dad right behind her. “I’ll put in the bid,” Nina said.

“Whatever,” Madison said to Nina, the cell phone still pressed to her ear. She didn’t even pay attention as my dad and Nina talked about the bidding process and getting a home inspector, she was so wrapped up in talking to Todd. “But honey, can’t you come back before then?” she whined. “Wait, I think we have that charity thing, don’t we?” Madison waved at me. “Aren’t I supposed to present a check to Wish on A Star or whatever?”

“Make-A-Wish,” I said. God, I’d forgotten about that entirely. But Cassie hadn’t mentioned it to me, either, and that was kind of her job.

“Todd can come back Wednesday,” Madison said to me. “Set something up, okay?”

I wasn’t really thrilled at the idea of hustling to pull together a presentation just so Madison could see her boyfriend, but I figured I owed her one for doing any of that Charity Action stuff in the first place.

“I’ll take care of it,” I promised. “Don’t worry about it.” Because, even if it was a pain in the ass, there was no reason to worry. Not yet.

***

On Monday I flagged down Cassie in the hall. “How fast can we put together a presentation with the Make-A-Wish people?” I asked her.

“Why?” she asked, completely confused.

“You know. Madison’s supposed to present a check, yada yada yada? She wants to do it Wednesday.”

“You’re kidding, right?” Cassie actually looked a little green around the gills.

“It’s the only time she’s available,” I lied. “I can call Make-A-Wish if that helps.”

Cassie shook her head. “No, I’ll figure it out. Oh, I almost forgot. Big party in a few weeks, okay? We’re still working out the details, but I think we’re getting a hotel room and everything. Bring Jenna.”

Damn. I hadn’t talked to Jenna since the big debacle with Kelly and Madison. “Sounds fun,” I said.

Cassie smiled. “Good. You guys are cool. I wish we’d all just figured that out a lot earlier, you know?”

As I walked toward Spanish class, I kept thinking about how weird it was that I actually liked Cassie and her friends now. They weren’t the superficial monsters I thought they were, kind of like how Madison wasn’t the party girl lunatic she was made out to be in the tabloids. I don’t know why this was such a big surprise to me, but it was.

Lost in my own little world, I practically walked smack into Jenna in the hall. “Erin, oh my God,” she said, scrambling to catch her books before they fell. “Walk much?”

“I’m sorry. And I’ve been meaning to call you.”

“Look, I feel bad about springing that dinner on you. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

I shrugged. “Don’t apologize. You were right not to tell me. I didn’t want to know. I mean, no offense, but that would have been a nightmare. I’m just sorry Madison was such a bitch.”

Jenna sighed. “Thanks. I mean, for trying.”

We walked together down the hall, since Jenna’s art class was almost exactly opposite Intermediate Spanish. “How’s Kelly, anyway?”

Jenna didn’t say anything for a minute. “I don’t really know. Her shrink put her on meds for her depression, so that’s a good thing.”

I’m usually not a big fan of all those mood stabilizers they plug on TV (may cause irritability, rashes, explosive diarrhea, and incontinence—but you’ll be happier!), but anything to snap Kelly out of her funk was fine by me. “So, things are looking up, right?”

“Her parents are talking about sending her to a residential boarding school for depressed girls. Which sounds kind of like juvie to me, but with more money.”

Yike. “Well, maybe she won’t need that if the meds work.”

“Cross your fingers,” Jenna said, darting into the art room.

I’d forgotten to ask Jenna if she wanted to go to the party. Part of me wondered if we really shouldn’t make plans with Kelly instead of going to some kegger in a hotel room. But after that dinner at Lawry’s, I kind of felt like I deserved to have a good time. And not with Kelly.

Yeah, I know what you’re thinking. But you couldn’t be more ashamed of me than I am of myself. Even now.

***

After school, I drove over to the lot as usual, but decided to stop in at the Dahl House before work. Maybe it was time to tell Madison exactly what was going on with Jeremy and me. After she stopped yelling “told you so” she’d help me sort out the whole mess. Because the truth was, I still wasn’t sure what to think about Jeremy.

Before I got to the Dahl House, though, I bumped into Clive outside one of the soundstages. “Hey cupcake,” he yelled, picking me up and spinning me around like a ragdoll.

“Hey yourself!” I yelled back.

“Heard my sis is buying her own pad,” Clive said as he gently lowered me to the ground. “I’ve got a killer idea for a housewarming gift. Wanna hear it?”

I nodded. Knowing Clive, it was something fun.

“A state-of-the-art security system. Closed-circuit video cameras, sirens, glassbreak detectors, the whole deal.”

I must have made a face, because Clive’s face fell. “What? Not good?”

“No, it’s very practical,” I said.

“I know, it’s not fun,” Clive admitted. “But she’ll be living there all alone. And that can be kind of scary the first time. Plus, Ernesto has stock in a security company, so I can get it for peanuts. Is that wrong?”

I had wondered if Madison might get lonely, but it had never occurred to me she might be scared on her own. Clive’s gift was actually really smart. “Not at all,” I said. “That’s a great gift, actually.”

Clive grabbed my hand as we walked toward the Dahl House and swung it back and forth. “Hey, what are you doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be at work?”

Of course, I had to tell Clive the whole long update of what happened with Jeremy, even though that meant walking in circles around the lot for ten minutes. When I got to the end, Clive put his arm around my shoulder. “I’m feeling a little guilty for getting you that job now,” he said. “We need to find you a nice boy.”

“But I like Jeremy,” I whined.

“I know you do,” Clive said. “And maybe he just really screwed up. But I don’t like the sound of this one bit. And you wouldn’t be telling me about it if it didn’t bother you, too.”

“I know,” I said. Clive was right, I knew he was, but why did it hurt so much to hear it?

“Speaking of people you shouldn’t trust,” Clive said, looking up. “Hello, Nikki.”

Nikki and her lollipop head were bobbling in our direction, and she covered the brief flicker of fear I saw in her eyes with a big, fake smile. “Hi you guys!” she chirped. “How’s it going?”

“Great,” Clive said in a deceptively cheerful voice.

“Fabulous!” Nikki said, walking faster. “Gotta run!”

“No rest for the wicked,” Clive muttered. He turned back to me. “No wonder she’s running. You’ve heard about our ratings for sweeps, haven’t you? They’re awful. And now there’s a rumor on the Internet that they’re writing Madison out of the show.”

“Oh my God!” I wondered if it was too late for Madison to back out of buying her house. “Do you believe them?”

“I think at this point the studio execs have put a lot of trust in Ren. And if he wants her gone, she will be.”

“But he’s an idiot!”

Clive shrugged. “A lot of people in Hollywood are idiots, Erin. That doesn’t mean they aren’t successful.”

When I walked into the Dahl House, I wasn’t surprised to see Madison curled up in a ball on her bed. “Did you hear?” she mumbled.

“I heard.” I sat down on the edge of the bed. “I’m sorry.”

Madison sat up and looked at me. “I wore that fat suit for nothing. Absolutely nothing!” Madison looked like she was going to cry. “How am I going to pay for my house if I’m fired? This is a disaster!”

“I thought you wanted off the show anyway. Like, a few weeks ago you were talking about quitting.”

“I was stupid, okay?” Madison took a deep breath. “My agent says all those tabloid stories about me being an anorexic party girl have made a lot of directors scared to work with me. Even though she tells them they’re not true.”

“Well, some of them are,” I pointed out.

“Not anymore!” Madison wailed. “But they believe what they read. People in Hollywood are just that stupid.”

I thought of my dad shrugging off the tabloid stories. Of course he could laugh. They had no impact on his life, on his career. For Madison, it was different. Even if she learned to stop taking them personally, she still had to take them seriously.

“It’ll be okay,” I said, crossing my fingers that it would be. “We’ll figure something out.”

“There’s nothing to figure out,” Madison said, falling back onto the bed. “I’m getting fired and I’ll be broke. Why did I buy a house now? I love that house. I don’t want to lose it.”

To this day I don’t know how my brilliant idea came to me. I didn’t even know how genius it was until I told Madison and she started jumping up and down on the bed, screaming like the world’s happiest hyena. I’m sure you think you know what really happened from reading about Madison. I mean, we came up with a convincing cover story to cover our tracks. But as they say in the business, you can’t believe everything that you read.

***

By the time I got to BRRB, I was an hour and a half late and couldn’t have cared less. I was feeling pretty good about coming to Madison’s rescue, after all. So, I was kind of shocked when Ozzie came storming into my office before I’d even had a chance to put down my purse.

“Have you read ‘Mr. Minky’s Adventure’?” he barked.

“Uh, is that the one about the kid and the talking frog?” I asked, racking my brain. I’d really been slacking on my reading lately, thanks to all the drama with Jeremy.

“No, no, no,” Ozzie said in an irritable tone. “The one about the spaceship.”

“The spaceship?”

“What’s with all the questions?” Ozzie yelled, his face turning bright red.

Jeremy popped his head in the door. “My bad, Ozzie,” he said quickly. “I gave her copy to one of our readers, so she hasn’t seen it,” he said. “It’s due back in tomorrow, though. Do you need it right away?”

Ozzie turned to look at Jeremy. “A reader? Did I tell you to give it to a reader?”

“In fact, you did. Remember, the day you had lunch with the Italian investors?”

Ozzie looked confused but nodded. “Oh, okay. Good. Give that to me the minute you get it.” Ozzie looked at me. “Sorry, Erin. Keep on doing what you do, sweetie.”

Ozzie stomped out of the room, scratching his head. Jeremy lingered in the doorway. “Hey,” he said.

“Did you really give the script to a reader?” I asked.

“I will have in about two minutes,” he said smoothly.

He winked at me and left the room. I snatched the stack of scripts on my desk and pawed through them. The third one down was “Mr. Minky’s Adventure.”

Jeremy had covered for me with a lie. And I wasn’t sure whether to feel grateful or angry.

I leaned back in my chair and let my head tilt back, rubbing my eyes with both palms. God, I was tired. Tired of thinking, tired of everything being so damn complicated.

I opened my eyes. It took me a second to focus, because I couldn’t quite understand what I was seeing. For half a second, I wondered if I was back at the Bellagio, staring at the glass flowers hanging above the lobby. Then I got it. My ceiling was a sea of pink and yellow sticky notes. Every square inch was covered. It must have taken hours and hours to do. But I’ve never seen a better use of office supplies.

The pink sticky notes spelled out a message against the yellow background. J LOVES E.

I picked up the phone and dialed. “BRRB,” Jeremy said on the other end of the line.

“E likes her ceiling,” I whispered.

“Good,” Jeremy said. “Tell E I’m ready when she is.”

I hung up the phone and stared at the ceiling until my neck started to hurt. E was starting to think that maybe, just maybe, things were getting a little less complicated.

***

I had to hand it to Cassie. She managed to not only get a hold of the Make-A-Wish people by Wednesday but convince Principal Stein to call an assembly in the middle of the day so we could all skip fifth period. She’d even notified the local TV stations, so when Madison and Todd arrived there was a flurry of reporters to greet her.

“Not bad,” Madison had whispered to me as we stood in the wings of the auditorium stage. I was there with all of the other Charity Action members. All of them, of course, but Kelly and Jenna.

On the stage, Principal Stein was talking about Make-A-Wish, which really does good things for sick kids, like letting them meet their idols or be policemen or fashion designers or whatever they want for a day. There was a lady from the organization up there, and Madison and Todd were supposed to present her with a giant-sized, fake check.

The only problem was, there was no giant-sized, fake check.

“Uh, Cassie?” I whispered to her as we waited. “Where’s the check?”

“I was going to talk to you about that,” Cassie whispered back. “We’ve had some… overhead, so we’re not going to be able to give them the full two grand.”

“What?” I couldn’t believe it. This from the girl who had lectured me about making promises on television?

“Well, we did come up short, remember?”

“How much are you presenting?”

“One thousand. Which is still a lot,” Cassie said pleadingly.

“What overhead are you talking about?” My voice was getting louder, but I didn’t care.

“And now I’d like to present Madison Dahl and Todd Whaley along with the members of Charity Action!” Principal Stein crowed from the stage as a roar went up from the audience.

As I walked out onto the stage, Cassie whispered in my ear. “We’ll talk later, okay? Just be cool.” I watched as she flounced across the stage, winking when some guys in the back of the auditorium hooted at her. Ah, yes. Here was the side of Cassie I’d never really liked.

“We’re so proud to be giving a thousand dollars to the Make-A-Wish Foundation,” Cassie said.

The woman from the charity looked completely flummoxed, and I felt awful for her. Clearly, this wasn’t what she was expecting, either. I had to hand it to Madison, though, she didn’t miss a beat. “And I’ll be contributing three thousand dollars to the organization to meet our goal,” she said smoothly, shaking the foundation lady’s hand.

Backstage, though, Madison had her claws out. “What the hell was that about?” she hissed at me. “I had to cover for that bimbo Cassie? When I’m about to lose my job?”

“I have no clue what’s going on,” I admitted. “Cassie said it’s an overhead problem.”

Madison laughed bitterly. “What is she, a studio executive? Whatever. I can use the write-off. But that is the last time I ever do anything for this organization, Erin. Period.”

I swear that Cassie was hiding from me for the rest of the afternoon, because I only managed to catch up to her in the parking lot after the final bell. I knocked on the window of her Mini Cooper and waited until she’d rolled it down. “You said you were going to explain,” I said, hands on hips.

“Get in,” Cassie said, unlocking her passenger side door.

I climbed in, and Cassie started talking. “Okay, so the money. I spent it on a few parties.”

Kudos to Jenna and Kelly. They’d nailed this scheming diva from the get-go. “You stole it.”

Cassie rolled her eyes. “It’s not stealing, Erin. We earned that money. It’s not like we sat with our hands out. And the charity got most of it. We collected, like, a finder’s fee. Every charity has expenses, you know. They pay for staff, they pay for big black-tie events, and what’s left over goes to the people who need it. We’re not doing anything different from anyone else.”

Nice try. “We’re not a multimillion-dollar operation, Cassie. Overhead for us might be a box of cupcakes or something, not a thousand bucks worth of keggers.”

“Well, it wasn’t quite a thousand bucks,” Cassie hedged. But I wasn’t done yet.

“And it’s not like you’re up front about anything. Real charities have to report how they spend their money.”

Cassie nodded. “Okay, that’s true. But who would I report to? Most of the people in Charity Action kind of know, Erin. And the rest of you guys don’t care. You sit in the back and zone out and don’t even come to the events. You’re just there to put something on your college transcript. Or you’re Jenna and Kelly, and you go to events just to screw around and mess with people.”

Ouch. I wondered if I would have ever gone to any Charity Action fundraisers if I hadn’t been forced into playing secretary. But the point was, I had gone. And I hadn’t liked what I’d seen.

“Well, I care. And you’re not a charity case. Why not use your own money to buy a keg?” I asked. I mean, I’d seen Cassie’s big McMansion of a house. It wasn’t like she could be hurting for cash.

Cassie shook her head. “I know we live in a really nice house and everything, but my dad’s a tightwad. I get, like, twenty dollars a month for allowance.”

I looked at my phone, courtesy of Madison. Someone who might be out of a job soon and wouldn’t have any allowance from anyone to fall back on. “Madison’s really mad,” I said. “She had to pay for your party, basically.”

“But she gets a tax write-off,” Cassie shot back. “And she gets free publicity. One photo from today runs in the tabloids and she’s a saint. Don’t you get it, Erin? Everybody wins.”

I was thinking that Cassie and her friends were the real winners when Cassie patted me on the shoulder. “Look, I don’t want things to be weird with us, Erin. I feel like we’ve become really good friends. And everyone else in the group likes you, too. We really are trying to help people.”

Really good friends. That was how I felt, too. I’d told Cassie about Jeremy when I couldn’t tell anyone else. I didn’t want to fight with her. But how could I not? All of a sudden I felt exhausted. “I’m going to be late for work,” I said quietly.

Cassie grinned as I got out of the car. “Oh, I meant to tell you, there’s a tiki theme for the party!” she yelled, rolling up the window on the cloud of dust and exhaust her car kicked up as she drove away.

***

Usually, buying a house is a long, drawn-out process. But Madison got her lawyer to wave a magic wand, and within a little over a week she was moving into her cute, new house. She rented some furniture, bought some glasses at Target, and voila, she was ready for the really big event—the housewarming party.

Victoria and I went over to the house early to help out, even though we still weren’t really speaking to one another.

“Am I going to know anyone there?” Victoria stiffly asked me after she’d futzed around with my car touch screen so much I almost swatted her hand.

“Well, Clive and Madison,” I said. “But that’s about it.” Madison had only invited her co-workers to the party. She said it was because she didn’t want things to get out of control, but I knew the real reason. The party, after all, was just an excuse to institute our devious little plan.

Victoria grunted. “Well, that’s fun,” she said, then fell silent. Thank God it was easier to ignore the tension between us once we got to Madison’s. There was too much going on for me to give much thought to Victoria’s sulking.

Clive and Ernesto were sitting on a white leather couch drinking beer when we walked in. I smothered Clive with a big hug. “What are you doing here so early, party crasher?”

“Ernesto’s supervising his installation people, and I’m supervising the bar,” he joked. “You should see what the caterers are doing in the kitchen. These little steak things on croutons with horseradish. They’re insane.”

An installer in a white jumpsuit walked in the door, and Ernesto leapt to his feet. “Where are your shoe covers?” he barked. “This is white glove service!”

Clive leaned toward me. “He’s kind of hot when he’s bossy, isn’t he?”

I nodded. I guess Clive was interested in adding benefits to his friendship with Ernesto. I smiled at Ernesto, who returned a grin of perfectly white teeth. Clive could definitely do worse.

Victoria had already started wandering through the house. “Oh my God, this place is huge!” she yelled when she spotted the backyard.

Madison popped her head out of a hallway. “Who’s yelling? Oh, Erin, Victoria, you’re here!” Madison was ready for the party in a pale pink wrap dress and a chic ponytail, but her she looked worried as she ran toward me and dragged me into the hallway. “Erin, I’m losing it,” she admitted. Madison opened the door to the master bedroom, which was one of the only rooms that looked decorated. It had an enormous bed with a mosquito net canopy and tables full of candles that had already been lit. The trap had been set. “What if they don’t come?” she whined, shutting the door behind us.

I knew exactly who she meant. Ren and Nikki. Normally we’d go out of our way to avoid those two, but tonight we had a surprise waiting for them. And it wasn’t the little steak canapés.

“They’ll come,” I insisted. “And trust me, this plan is going to work.”

Victoria walked up behind me. “What plan?” she asked, chomping on a handful of chips. So much for the healthy eating plan.

“You know, the party plan,” Madison said quickly. “I’m thinking we’ll have cocktails first, then ask people if they want to swim, and then put on some dance music.”

Victoria nodded. “Sounds great. Love the house, by the way.”

Madison smiled. “Thanks,” she said, gently guiding Victoria back to the living room. “You check with Clive, and I’ll make sure everything is set up,” she whispered in my ear before turning and walking back to her room.

Madison didn’t have to worry. Clive waved at me as I walked back into the living room, gesturing for me to join him on the couch. “Hey, girlie,” he said as he wrapped an arm around my shoulder. “All systems are a go. Let’s do this thing.”

“You’re the best, Clive,” I sighed.

“Oh, Erin, I wouldn’t miss this debacle for all the world.”

But once the party started, I started to wonder if we were all going to miss the debacle, because the guests of honor hadn’t shown up. By 10 o’clock I had almost given up all hope of ending Ren and Nikki’s reign of terror when the disgusting duo swept through the front door. Together.

“Madison!” Nikki squealed, running across the living room and wrapping her arms around Madison like one of those face-sucking leeches in that old movie “Alien.”

“Honey!” Madison fake-squealed back. How she kept herself from puking I’ll never know.

Next Ren leaned in for an awkward hug and a Hollywood air kiss, and Madison took each of them by the hand. “I have to show you the place!” she trilled, beaming at our intended victims. “I just bought a waterbed!”

I felt a hand on my shoulder as I watched Madison lead Ren and Nikki out of the room. “I think we’ve achieved lift-off,” Clive whispered in my ear.

“I hope so,” I whispered back.

“But let’s not stare. We don’t want to scare them off,” Clive said, walking me past the sofa, where Victoria had cornered Ernesto, and toward the kitchen. “And I think that’s an excellent excuse to get some of those little steak thingies.”

Clive commandeered a tray of hors d’oeuvres, and we retreated to a quiet corner of the kitchen and sat down on the floor so we could talk and stuff our faces at the same time. We were having so much fun, I not only lost track of time, but I also lost track of Nikki and Ren. I checked my watch, and it was almost midnight. “Have you seen them?” I asked Clive. “What if they left?”

Clive wiped crouton-crumbs off of his mouth and looked around. “I’ll check in with Madison,” he said. “Don’t go anywhere. Unless you’re getting more food.”

I stood up and stretched. I figured I might as well squeeze in a bathroom break before Clive got back. But wandering down the hall, I forgot all about Clive, and the bathroom, and even the reason for the party. Because walking out of the hallway bathroom was none other than Jeremy.

“What are you doing here?” I blurted out. I didn’t mean to be rude, but hey, he wasn’t exactly on the guest list.

Jeremy just smiled. “Word gets around on the lot. Are you mad I’m here?”

Not mad, exactly. Sort of excited, sort of freaked out. “No,” I said. “I just wasn’t expecting you.”

Jeremy took my hand in his. “I’ve missed being with you, Erin.” He leaned over and kissed me gently. “I’ve missed that so much.”

Missing him didn’t even cover it for me. I’d hungered for him. I’d longed for him. And at the same time, I’d wanted to kick him. I kissed him back, harder. “I still don’t forgive you, you know.”

Jeremy held my face in his hands, his green eyes staring into mine so intently I couldn’t look away if I wanted to. “I know. But I’m an optimistic guy. I’ll do what it takes, Erin. I’ll make it all up to you.”

Jeremy began leading me down the hallway. It was a second or two before I realized where he was headed. Madison’s bedroom.

“No!” I said, trying not to shout.

Jeremy turned and looked at me, hurt. “I just want to be alone with you. To talk. That’s all.”

“No, just… not there,” I said, dragging him back down the hallway and toward the backyard. “That’s Madison’s room.”

It was pretty cold now, so only a few stragglers were still hanging out on the porch, talking and drinking. I found an empty lounge chair and curled up on it. Jeremy sat down next to me, stroking my leg. “Want my jacket?” he asked.

“Don’t you need it?” October in L.A. isn’t exactly arctic, but short sleeves don’t cut it in the evenings.

Jeremy shook his head and peeled off his jacket, a brown corduroy, and draped it over my shoulders. I breathed deep. It smelled like him, sort of like pine needles and soap.

Jeremy looked at me, grinning. “That’s a good look for you. Sort of bag lady chic.”

I laughed, and Jeremy squirmed into the tiny space next to me on the lounge chair, wrapping an arm around me. “You know what I missed about us the most? The times when we’d stand next to our cars in the parking lot and talk about bad reality television and politics and all that random crap,” Jeremy said. “You’re a good friend. For a girl.”

I wanted to smile, but it occurred to me that I hadn’t been a good friend to a lot of people, like Kelly and Jenna. Maybe I was being a friend to Cassie by keeping her secret, but maybe I was just selfishly lying to myself. I hadn’t been a very good person, at least when it came to poor Marlene, who I’d hated and plotted against and tricked. And right now, I wasn’t even there for my best friend, who probably needed a little moral support. After all, I had a history of going MIA at Madison’s important parties, and I wasn’t eager to get on the receiving end of one of her bitch sessions tonight.

I sat up and handed Jeremy back his jacket, even though a part of me really wanted to sit there and make out with him until the sun came up. But it was only a part. The other part was wondering if anything Jeremy said was really true, or if these were the same things he said to Marlene after feeling me up in the parking lot after work. “I can’t stay,” I said. “But I’ll see you at work on Monday.”

Jeremy nodded, but he looked disappointed. “How long is it going to take, Erin?”

“I don’t know,” I said, before I opened the sliding door and disappeared into the house.

***

As I walked into the living room, Clive and Ernesto walked over to me, big smiles on their faces. “The eagle has landed,” Clive said to me, giving me a big kiss on the cheek.

Ernesto rolled his eyes. “Can you please make Clive stop acting like Mission Command for a Mars landing? He’s making me nuts.”

Behind Clive and Ernesto, I spotted Ren and Nikki dashing down the hallway arm and arm, giggling as they slipped out the front door without saying goodbye to anyone. It couldn’t have been more than a second later that Madison appeared, waving desperately at the three of us to follow her.

“Get in here!” Madison hissed from inside her bedroom, waiting for all of us to slip inside before slamming the door shut. “You have to watch it. You’re gonna die, I’m serious!”

Clive made a face. “Is this really gross? Like, should this not be seen on a full stomach?”

Madison ignored Clive and opened the closet door next to her bed. The closet was bigger than my bedroom at home, which was a good thing, because inside it sat one of the guys in the white jumpsuits at a little desk. And above the desk was a wall of tiny TV screens, each one broadcasting video from the security cameras all around the house. And one was aimed directly at Madison’s bed.

“Hey Freddie, rewind,” Madison said, patting the guy in the white jumpsuit on the shoulder.

I can’t tell you a lot about the video tape, except that to this day the thought of waterbeds actually makes me a little seasick. Let’s just say that Nikki and Ren aren’t any better looking with their clothes off, and they like to do some really weird stuff. Sometimes Madison and I will still say, “Please, mommy, may I have another?” to each other just to crack ourselves up.

“Do you think they had any idea you were here?” Clive asked.

Freddie shook his head. “All the racket they made, I could have tipped my chair over and they wouldn’t have heard me.”

Madison turned to me. “Okay, Erin, we’re counting on you,” she said. “Let’s go viral.”

Of course, we didn’t want Nikki and Ren’s kinkfest to just float around with the rest of the amateur sex tapes that live forever on the Internet. We wanted to get it onto the desktops of people who mattered. The people who worked in Hollywood. And I just happened to know a blogger whose site would be seen by everyone in the industry.

When I e-mailed the guy from TMZ, I didn’t expect to hear back so quickly. But I guess he knew a scoop when he found one.

He could only show a little bit of the tape on his website (he wasn’t in the porn business, after all), but it was enough. Actually, I don’t know if anyone except the sickest pervert could handle more than that, honestly.

After school on Monday, I rushed to the set. I’d tried to call Madison between classes, but I kept getting voice mail. And I didn’t know whether that was a good or bad sign.

A few yards away from the Dahl House I heard screaming. It was coming from a smaller trailer. Nikki’s. “That wasn’t me!” Nikki screeched. “And even if it was, that was private!”

I turned the corner, and a huge group was gathered outside Nikki’s trailer, listening to the fight. Everyone was there, from the costume designer to the make-up girls to the extras to the rest of the cast. And that included Madison and Clive.

Madison made a shushing gesture when I opened my mouth to speak. “You have to hear this,” she whispered. “They’ve been fighting for over an hour.”

Of course, we could only hear one side of the argument. Apparently someone, probably a studio exec, was in there with Ren and Nikki, and his voice never rose higher than a mumble. But Ren and Nikki more than made up for his lack of volume.

“I’m going to sue that goddamn piece of crap blogger, and I’m suing you for wrongful termination!” Ren yelled. “My private life is none of your business!”

“He pressured me to have sex! I was just doing it to keep my job!” Nikki screamed.

“WHAT?” Ren screeched. “You little slut!”

“I am the victim here!” Nikki yelled. “What you saw on that tape was sexual harassment!”

“You just said it wasn’t even you on the tape, Nikki. Get your stories straight!” Ren shot back.

“Suck it, Ren! Look, you guys can’t fire me! My character is pivotal to the storyline! Pivotal! I mean, what are you going to do, give the show back to Madison?”

There was a lot of mumbling from the studio exec that I couldn’t make out, but I’m guessing the short version of what he said was “um, yeah.”

There was a lot more shouting after that, with Nikki calling Ren a pervert, and Ren telling her she was lousy in bed, and the studio executive mumbling. Then suddenly, the door of the trailer flew open, and Nikki came barreling out, her face red from all the screaming and crying.

She stopped dead when she saw all of us staring at her like a circus freak. But then she spotted Madison.

Surprisingly, Nikki didn’t say a word. She just stomped over to Madison, spit in her face, and ran off.

I hurried over to Madison, fishing through my purse for a Kleenex. “Are you okay?”

Madison quickly grabbed the tissue and wiped her face. “Ugh! I hope she doesn’t have anything contagious.”

Madison hadn’t even cleaned off her face when Ren came roaring out of the trailer. “Get out of my way!” he bellowed, pushing his way through the crowd. “I’ll sue all of you! Mark my words!”

Everyone watched in stunned silence as Ren trudged across the lot. It was like we’d all seen a really graphic car accident. Gruesome stuff, but you couldn’t turn away. Not that I felt sorry for Ren and Nikki. Not one bit.

I heard someone cough in the crowd. Then, someone snickered.

The laughter started like a tsunami wave, just a ripple at first but one that gathered force until all of us were cackling and talking over one another. “I’ll sue all of you!” one of the make-up girls howled. “What a putz!”

Madison grinned at me. “You’re a genius,” she said. “I swear to God, you should run this crappy studio.”

Clive patted me on the back. “After Madison disinfects her face and gets a tetanus shot, I say we celebrate.”