Chapter 9

RENIKKIGATE ROUNDUP After a strenuous beating, the piñata of scandal that is the affair between lovable skank Nikki Peterson and her antique sex toy Ren Klozman keeps leaking more delicious, calorie-free aftermath. Not only did the duo get canned this week, Klozman’s wife Patricia has filed for divorce and full custody of the couple’s children. Klozman should be thrilled, given his penchant for a good spanking.

—Dlisted After I called in “sick” to work again (I promised Jeremy I’d give him a blow-by-blow account of Nikki and Ren’s big fight the next day, even if I had no intention of spilling about my role in it), those of us who plotted the whole scheme headed to Madison’s house, otherwise known as the scene of the crime. Clive made virgin mojitos (so I don’t like rum, shoot me) while Madison and I flopped belly down on the carpet and polished off individual pints of Ben and Jerry’s (Pfish Food for her, Cherry Garcia for me) the caterers had left behind.

“Don’t tell Todd I’m eating this,” Madison said. “He calls dairy the white death. And sugar, don’t even get me started.”

“Your secret’s safe with me,” I said. It seemed like a little miracle to see Madison eating ice cream, so I wasn’t about to ruin it by dishing to Todd.

“Oh, remind me to call the rental company,” Madison said between mouthfuls. “I want that waterbed out of the house, like, yesterday.”

“And burn the sheets,” Clive added. “Knowing those two, you can’t be too careful.”

I smiled, but I didn’t say anything. For all intents and purposes, this should have been a great moment. We’d vanquished our enemy plus we were eating ice cream for dinner, so what could be wrong?

Madison tossed her spoon at my head. “Hey, what’s with the face?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess I just feel a little bad.”

“Are you kidding me?” Madison said, her voice sharp. “Do I really need to remind you of Nikki’s list of offenses?”

Clive handed me a mojito, a little wad of crushed mint bobbing among the ice cubes. “Even I don’t feel bad, and Nikki’s never done anything to me,” Clive said. “Except I had to make out with her for the last three weeks. That was pretty disgusting.”

“It figures,” Madison sighed. “Ren only wanted her to kiss a guy who’d have absolutely no interest in her.”

“Oh, I think a lot of straight guys fall into that category, sweetie,” Clive said. “He shouldn’t have worried.”

Madison turned and looked at me. “Look, Erin. I know you want the world to be fair and just and for all the mean people to just turn their frowns upside down or whatever, but we did what we had to do. It wasn’t easy for me, either.” Madison hesitated for a moment. “Okay, that’s a lie. It was really easy for me. Actually, that was more fun than screwing with Alexandra back at Bev Hills.”

Alexandra—hearing her name was an instant trip in the way back machine. I wondered how she was doing. Cassie probably knew. And then it kind of hit me. I knew exactly why what happened with Ren and Nikki was bothering me.

When Madison and I were freshmen, everything seemed so black and white. Alexandra was a bitch, and Madison was my friend. But as I got older, I was seeing all these shades of gray. Like Cassie. I hated what she was doing with the car wash money, but there were a lot of things about her that were really awesome. And Nikki had been a devious skank, but she’d also hooked Madison up with that crazy fashion designer friend of hers (even if that ultimately ended in disaster). And Jeremy. There was no denying he lied to me. But did that mean I had to stop loving him?

And if I decided someone was all good or all bad, what were they thinking about me? If Marlene ever found out about my little ploy to bring her into the office, I bet she’d chalk me up in the all-bad category and quick. And if Nikki knew what I’d done…

“I just wish we hadn’t had to be so sneaky,” I admitted. “That’s one of the things we hated about Nikki, and then we had to stoop to her level to stop her.”

“You are such a little prude!” Madison yelled. “Ding, dong, the witch is dead, woman! And you know what? I’ve had a big realization.”

“Oh, dear,” Clive said, one eyebrow raised.

“I’m serious!” Madison shouted. “All this time I’ve just been following orders. My agent said, ‘Play nice with Nikki’ and look what happened. I got screwed. My publicist said, ‘Be on your best behavior.’ For what? All these people who said they were looking out for me didn’t blink twice when I got zipped into a fat suit for sweeps week!”

“But we rather enjoyed the fat suit,” Clive joked. “It made you cuddly.”

Madison lunged toward Clive and kicked him in the leg. “From now on, I’m not following orders. I’m giving orders. These people need to make my life better, not boss me around like I’m some rotten little kid. I want Sammy back running the show, I want an Emmy nomination, and I want my agent to find me a really good movie role. And if she doesn’t, she’s fired!”

“And just like that a diva is born,” Clive wisecracked.

I looked at Madison’s angry face. Not only did I believe she didn’t give a crap about Nikki, but I also bet she really would fire her “people” if they didn’t do what she wanted. And I couldn’t decide if that made her a powerful businesswoman or a spoiled brat.

I guess my indecision showed, because Clive looked at me with this sad, sympathetic expression on his face. He sat down next to me on the floor, the blender pitcher in one hand and a paper umbrella behind his ear. “Welcome to Hollywood, Erin,” he sighed. “I would love to tell you that it’s possible to get what you want here by being honest and upfront with people, but you can’t. I mean, did you have a better idea as to how we could push Nikki and Ren off the show?”

I shook my head. “I didn’t think so,” Clive continued. “And the funny thing is, I think you have what it takes to go far in this business. You’re smart. You have great ideas. And you have heart. I mean, I don’t think anyone else in their right mind would be feeling sorry for Nikki right now except you. Don’t change that about yourself, girlie.” Clive kissed me on the top of the head and stood up. “But don’t feel bad about having to get your hands dirty every once in a while. Madison doesn’t.”

I think about that day and what Clive said to me a lot. It didn’t seem so memorable at the time, more of a pep talk than anything else. But I think I got a clearer sense of what the business would demand of me in that one brief moment than I ever had before or since. I sometimes wonder if that was my cue to get out, to leave before I got used to telling little white lies and, yes, getting my hands dirty. But I think, because of Clive, I still have a heart. One that’s a little bruised, maybe, but one that cares passionately about what I do and the people I love. And that’s something for which I’ll never have to apologize.

Madison, on the other hand… well, that’s a whole other story.

***

For the rest of the week, it seemed like Madison was calling me all the time. After all, there was a lot of news to report.

I had to hand it to the girl. Even if her “people” did think she was being a big, spoiled brat, they didn’t show it. Instead, they started hustling to meet her demands. Somehow her agent wheedled and whined until Sammy was brought back as show runner, and Madison was promptly informed that the fat suit was being returned to the costume department for good.

“I asked if I could burn it, but they said another show might need it,” Madison said, her voice positively giddy over the phone line.

The Emmy nomination was a long way off (like, they didn’t get decided until summer), but Madison said her agent was promising to get her some movie role, even a tiny one, during her winter hiatus. So maybe Madison was finally getting her happy ending after all.

Or at least that’s what I thought until I realized Madison was calling me at home every night, wanting to talk for hours about what kind of plots she was hoping the writers would come up with for Brianna, or what Todd had texted her that day, or even what craft services had been dishing up after lunch. But eventually, I got it. The girl was lonely in her big, beautiful house. And, as Clive predicted, a little scared to be alone.

“Madison, how do you like living by yourself?” I asked one night when she’d given me what felt like a minute-by-minute recount of the latest episode of “RuPaul’s Drag Race” on Friday night. It had been a long week of long phone calls, and all I wanted to do was conk out.

“It’s okay,” she said brightly, but I could tell she was lying.

“I think I’d be a little nervous all by myself,” I said.

“I have the security system,” Madison said, not sounding entirely convinced.

“Well, if you ever feel kind of weird about it, I can always ask my dad if I can spend the night.”

“Can you come now?” Madison asked quickly, her tough girl façade crumbling like an Oreo. “Like, everything creaks at night, and it freaks me out.”

I grabbed my pillow and toothbrush and drove over, crossing my fingers that Madison would shut up and go to sleep once she knew someone else was on the premises. But I was in for a surprise when Taz, not Madison, opened the front door.

“Oh, it’s you,” was all I could think to say when I saw him. I noticed that he’d traded in the Mohawk for a light blue buzzcut.

“Two girls for the price of one,” Taz said with a leer. Okay, enough. What the hell was this jerk doing here anyway?

I peered around Taz’s shoulder and saw Madison sitting on the sofa. “Okay, Taz, she’s here. You can go,” she said quickly.

“Why?” he asked. “The party’s just getting started.”

Ugh! I pushed past Taz and felt him press his body against me. It gave me hives thinking that I once let him do that to me and enjoyed it. “What’s going on?” I asked, giving Madison a meaningful look as I walked into the living room.

“Todd asked Taz to check in on me,” Madison said. “He thought I sounded nervous over the phone.”

Like Taz would make any girl less nervous. Was Todd completely stupid? “Okay, so you’re fine now, right?” I asked Madison, trying to pretend Taz wasn’t there.

But Taz didn’t head for the door. Instead, he walked into the kitchen and opened the fridge. “No food? Figures. Actresses,” he sighed, staring inside.

“Come on, Taz,” Madison whined. “It’s late and we’re tired.”

“I’ll tuck you in,” he said, fishing a pickle spear out of a jar with his fingers.

“Taz, don’t be a dick. Just go home,” I barked. I was trying to use my Mom’s angry voice, but it was getting harder and harder to remember what that sounded like.

Taz slowly walked back over to where we were standing and stared at us like we were two steak dinners and he was hungry. “Such a shame to let an opportunity go to waste,” he growled. “Last chance, girls. I’ll make it worth your while.”

That’s when I threw my pillow at him. Taz laughed when he caught it, then gently tossed it back to me. “You’re sexy when you’re angry,” he said before turning and walking out the front door.

Madison ran to the front door and turned the dead bolt. “God, I thought he would never leave!” she squealed.

“Why did you let him come over anyway?”

“I didn’t. Todd just called him and told him to come. Or that’s what Taz said when he got here, anyway.”

“You should tell Todd his not-so-good friend is hitting on you,” I said. “I bet he’d flip.”

Madison shrugged. “He’s traveling. I don’t want to upset him.”

I figured he’d be a lot more upset if he found out what Taz had been up to, but I wasn’t up for a debate. “I’ve gotta crash, Madison. Where can I sleep?”

Madison pointed to the long leather sofa in front of us. “I haven’t gotten a bed for the guest room yet,” she admitted.

As I tossed down my pillow and settled in, I meant to tell her that the sofa was bigger than my little double bed at home. But by then I was already out cold. A lecture on Taz would have to wait until the morning.

***

It was the morning sun that woke me up, slicing through the kitchen mini blinds like a laser. The house was quiet, and for a minute I just enjoyed how peaceful it was. No morning bustle, no gurgling coffee maker. Just silence. Until I heard Madison’s voice, loud and clear through the walls.

I didn’t know where Madison was. Maybe her bedroom, maybe somewhere else. But with no furniture to muffle the sound, her voice sounded as clear as if she was sitting right next to me.

“I’ve been eating really well,” she said, and from the long pauses I guessed she was talking to someone on the phone. “But I’ve been kind of stressed… Oh yeah, Todd, mostly.”

Madison sometimes had phone appointments with her shrink when she was too tired or too busy to get into the office, and I was guessing this was one of those calls. It wasn’t the sort of thing you should ever try to overhear. But it wasn’t like I was trying to listen in, at least not at first. I just couldn’t figure out how to stop.

“I told him about Taz. The jerk won’t stop hitting on me. It’s disgusting… Sure, I’ve talked to Todd about it. That’s the problem.”

I considered putting my pillow over my head, but when I heard that last sentence, I couldn’t do it. Madison had told me she didn’t want to upset Todd with the truth about Taz. So why was she telling her shrink a different story?

“Okay, this is really bad, but Todd said that I could, you know, with Taz, if I wanted to… Yeah, I know. He actually said that, if I got really lonely, he’d rather it be with someone he knows so he wouldn’t catch anything… Of course that hurt my feelings! It never occurred to me to ask whether we were really boyfriend and girlfriend. So, I asked him if he was seeing other people. And he said he was… Yeah, I was pissed. Wouldn’t you be…? He said it wasn’t because he didn’t love me. He said he travels too much to be with one person. I told him I’d meet him every weekend, like fly out to wherever he was, and he just laughed. He laughed. Like he thought that was funny.”

Okay, I wasn’t even worrying about the pillow anymore. I got up and moved closer to the sound of Madison’s voice, perching on one of the red kitchen barstools. Why hadn’t Madison told me any of this? Probably for the same reason I hadn’t told her about Jeremy lying to me. Too embarrassing. Especially when you didn’t want to break up with the guy, even though you knew you should.

“But I really love him!” Madison said, her voice getting loud. “Look, Janice, you can beat the stupid low self-esteem drum all day long, but I know how I feel when I’m with him. Hell, he’s gotten me to start taking care of myself. I’d probably be dead if not for him!”

Well, if not for him and me, my dad, Clive, and a lot of medical professionals, but whatever. “I can’t break up with him. I can’t. And if that means I have to take what I can get, fine.”

There was more, stuff about Nikki and Ren (she may not have wanted to admit it to me, but she did feel a little guilty about what went down), even Sheila. And then she got to me.

“I don’t know,” she sighed. “I feel like there’s something going on that Erin’s not telling me. I don’t have a good feeling about the guy she’s dating, Jeremy or whatever his name is… Does she like Todd? I guess. I mean, they’ve never really hung out or anything… It’s just weird. I never thought we’d be the girls who let guys come between us, but I guess we kind of have.”

Ouch. I was thinking how right Madison was when I heard the phone click into its cradle. I didn’t have time to run back to the sofa and pretend I was still asleep because Madison walked into the kitchen a second later.

When she saw me, she froze. “Crap,” she mumbled. I could almost see her mentally rewinding, trying to figure out if what she’d said to her shrink was really embarrassing. “How much did you hear?” she asked.

“I don’t know. I didn’t mean to listen, though. Your house doesn’t have very good insulation, I think.”

Madison shrugged. “I didn’t mean what I said. About Jeremy, at least.”

“But you’re totally right about him,” I said. “His girlfriend’s dad didn’t have a stroke. He lied about all of that.”

Madison sat down on the barstool next to me. “That ass!” she spat, eyes wide. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Why didn’t you tell me about Todd?” I fired back.

Madison smirked. “Gotcha.”

I spun around on my barstool. Going in circles, as usual. “What are we going to do?”

“You should tell him off,” Madison said sternly. “I can’t believe he’d be such a jerk to you!”

“I can’t believe Todd would dump Taz on you like a bag of dirty laundry.”

“I know,” Madison sighed. “He’s so disgusting! I mean, I know you kind of made out with the guy, but still.”

“I didn’t tell you the whole story there,” I admitted. I figured I might as well come clean, now that we were spilling our guts about everything else. I told her about Taz, and the slutty girl at the award show, and their little party invite.

Madison’s mouth gaped open and shut, like she was a fish on a hook. “What?”

“And I don’t even want to tell you what he tried to do to me when we were in the VIP room at XS. But I will say I think we could have gotten arrested.”

“That’s it!” Madison howled. “Why would Todd ever want me to spend one minute with that scumbag?”

The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them. “Maybe he’s just not that into you.”

Madison hopped off her stool and wandered into the kitchen. She opened the fridge and grabbed a vitamin water. “You don’t understand,” she said, unscrewing the top of the bottle. “We have something special.”

“I do understand, Madison. You know I do.” I thought of Jeremy, those green eyes boring into me, the soft black hair curling softly against his cheek. Whatever Madison felt for Todd, I had it just as bad.

We were quiet for a while. Neither of us wanted to talk about our crappy boyfriends, but we couldn’t stop thinking about them, either. Still, that wasn’t the only thing I was thinking about. “I heard what you said about Nikki and Ren,” I said.

“You know, I didn’t feel bad about that until today,” Madison said, taking a sip of her water and wincing. “God, this stuff is disgusting!” she said, pouring it down the sink. “I didn’t always hate Nikki, and that’s the thing that bothers me. Like, even really awful people can sometimes be kind of decent.”

I nodded. “Just like really decent people can be kind of awful sometimes. Like us.”

I told Madison about what Cassie had said, how she had rationalized keeping the money from the car wash for a kegger. And how it almost made sense. “And that’s what scared me. Sometimes it just seems like the line between good and bad is really thin, you know?” I said, wandering over to the refrigerator myself. All this angst was making me hungry. I grabbed a jar of peanuts and dove in.

“Like the line between the perfect size and grossly anorexic?” Madison joked.

“You know what I mean. I just don’t know what to do about it. I really like Cassie, but I want to kill her at the same time. I just want this to be simple, and it’s not.” It was times like this when I really missed my mom. She was always really good at telling right from wrong, no matter how much I tried to confuse the issue.

“I guess you can only follow your gut, Erin,” Madison said. “Then do what you know is right.”

But right at that moment, all my gut was telling me was that I was starving, and that I didn’t really like peanuts.

***

It took a while for my gut to send me a clear message. But once it did, I didn’t mess around. I took action.

At least a little bit of action (no harm in baby steps, right?). I’d been feeling really bad about Jeremy covering for me at work, so I decided to confess my screw-up to Ozzie. Considering how mad I’d been about Jeremy lying to me, it didn’t seem fair for me to be completely okay-fine with him bending the truth as long as it was to my benefit.

I waited until Ozzie was packing up to leave the office before I knocked on his door. “Got a minute?” I asked, kind of hoping he didn’t. My gut was telling me to be honest, but my brain was telling me not to be stupid and risk losing my job.

“Darling! Come on in!” Ozzie bellowed from behind his desk.

I sat down in the chair opposite him. I wished I’d thought to talk to him in the kitchen or something, since he seemed a lot more imposing in his gigantic, ergonomic leather chair. He said it was good for his back, but I think he liked it because it looked like a throne.

“I need to tell you something,” I said, trying not to fidget.

“Uh-oh,” Ozzie said. “I don’t like the sound of that.”

“Jeremy covered for me the other day. I had that script in my pile, but I hadn’t read it yet.”

“Hmmm,” Ozzie murmured, one finger resting alongside his nose.

“Hmmm” wasn’t a “you’re fired,” but it wasn’t a “don’t sweat it,” either, and that made me nervous. So, of course, I started babbling. “I’m really sorry to be falling behind, it’s just that things have been really crazy lately,” I jabbered.

“I see,” Ozzie said, his face inscrutable. “How crazy?”

And then—I don’t even know why I did it—I launched into the whole messed up story about Cassie and the charity auction and the car wash, and before I knew it, twenty minutes had passed, and Ozzie hadn’t said anything more than a couple more “hmms.” I was so fired, I knew it. Not only was I a flake, but he also probably thought I was psychotic.

“Let me get this straight,” Ozzie said, leaning back in his chair. “This girl is pilfering money from a foundation for sick kids. That’s pretty dirty.”

“But she’s not a bad person,” I said. “She just considers it, like, the tip you’d give a concierge or something. A finder’s fee.”

Ozzie laughed when I said that. “Clever, isn’t she? She’d go places as a studio suit.” He drummed his fingers on his desk, thinking. “So, what are you going to do about it?”

I shrugged. “I already talked to her about it, but it made no difference. I don’t want to rat her out, either.”

“You just want to change her mind.”

“Exactly.” Ozzie seemed awfully interested in my Cassie dilemma, so I guessed I wasn’t getting fired, at least.

“You know, I’m friends with one of the board members of Make-A-Wish.”

Oh, crap. Did this mean he was going to tell his friend that Cassie had been stealing their money? Maybe that was the right thing to do, but I was really starting to regret this whole trusting my gut thing. Clearly my gut was entirely clueless.

Ozzie continued. “I owe this guy a favor, and there’s a chance I could pay him back and at the same time you could help your little friend realize the error of her ways. What do you say?”

I couldn’t imagine what Ozzie was suggesting, but I figured it was worth a shot. “I’m all ears.”

***

Ozzie’s plan, which was pretty damn genius, sounded deceptively simple. The trick would be luring Cassie into the trap we were setting.

“How would you like to have your party on the lot?” I asked Cassie in between classes.

“I already bought tiki torches,” she countered.

“Return them and get your money back. This is cooler. And it’s free.”

“They wouldn’t let us drink, would they?” she said, scowling.

“My boss is cool with it, and he knows how to work the system as long as no one tries to sneak six packs past the security guards.”

Cassie looked unconvinced, so I gave her my hard sell to clinch the deal. “Hey, you won’t have anybody barfing in your pool, right?” That sounded like a joke, but Cassie had told me that it happened at every party she had, and she’d be the one stuck skimming the puke out of the deep end before her parents got home. “And I can arrange the food and drinks and stuff through their commissary,” I added. “They cater.”

Cassie’s eyes finally lit up. “You know, this could be pretty cool. And you’re sure it’s free?”

“One hundred percent,” I said, already plotting my next step.

When I told Madison about my plan one evening when we were hanging out in the Dahl House, she didn’t hesitate. “Can I help?” she asked.

“You can come,” I said. “Just don’t bring Taz.”

“I’ve already blocked his number on my cell. Are you inviting Jenna and Kelly?”

Of course I was. Whether they would come was the question. But I wasn’t taking no for an answer.

The rest of the week, I practically stalked both of them, begging and pleading and promising everything but my firstborn child (okay, I may have promised that, too) as long as they showed up for even half an hour. “I swear this will be so great, and you won’t be disappointed,” I whined as I followed Kelly into the lunchroom one afternoon.

“This isn’t another get together with Madison, is it?” Kelly asked. I think she was trying to be funny, but it was hard to tell. There were circles under her eyes, and I wondered if she’d been sleeping.

“Listen, Kelly,” I said, grabbing her arm. “I’m planning something, and I can’t tell you what. But I think it’s something you’ll really appreciate.”

I saw a flicker of something, maybe the tiniest glimmer of mischief, in Kelly’s eyes. I hadn’t seen that look in so long I almost didn’t recognize it. “And you can’t tell me what it is?”

“No. Interested?”

Kelly shrugged. “Maybe,” she said, before the weariness seeped back into her face. At least I got a maybe.

Jenna was an easier sell. “Sure,” she sighed. “I’ve got nothing better to do this weekend than homework. I’d attend an autopsy to get out of the house, I swear.”

Ozzie handled all the nitty gritty party details, although I think that basically meant Jeremy got stuck doing the dirty work. In any case, by the day of the party, all the pieces of the puzzle were mostly in place. All that was left was getting everyone from Charity Action to show up.

Walking onto the soundstage was like stepping into a carnival. In the center of the space, there was one of those inflatable castles kids like to jump around in, and scattered around were all sorts of arcade games, along with a batting cage and a dunk tank. There was even a little petting zoo with rabbits, piglets, ducks and a pony or two. If I was eight years old, I would have died of excitement.

Ozzie had gone all out with the catering, too. Barbequed ribs, grilled salmon, roasted chicken, and all sorts of vegetables and pastas sat in warming trays lined up in tables against one wall. But of course, there was something missing. My guests of dishonor.

“He throws one hell of a party, doesn’t he?” I turned around. Jeremy. He had a bale of hay on his shoulder, so I guessed Ozzie had conned him into working the event.

“Hungry?” I joked, pointing at the hay.

Jeremy looked around the room. “I’ve got to keep setting up. Think you’ll stay until the end?”

I thought about being alone with Jeremy after everyone had left, what we would say. What we would do. “I don’t know.”

Jeremy didn’t look happy with that answer, but he just switched the hay bale to his other shoulder and got back to work.

I almost wondered if everyone from the club had taken one big bus to the party, because Cassie and her entire crew came stumbling into the soundstage at the same time. “What the hell?” Cassie said, looking around. “Is this, like, our own private county fair or something?”

“Sort of,” I said. I so badly wanted to tell her the truth, but I held my tongue.

Cassie soaked it all in for a second, then nodded. “That’s kind of cool. I mean, after a few beers that bouncy castle thing could really rock.”

“Check out the food,” I said, pointing toward the tables where Lex and the rest of the jocks were already lining up.

Gina was the one who sounded the alarm. “Where’s the booze?” she barked from the bar. The bartender in front of her was already looking annoyed.

“It’s coming,” I lied. Where were Jenna and Kelly? And, more importantly, where was the main attraction?

A few minutes later, as Cassie was absorbed in gnawing clean a chicken bone, the door to the soundstage slammed open. And that’s when things started getting interesting.

People started streaming in. Lots of old guys in shorts, most of them with women who looked like their wives. But mostly, there were kids. Bald kids, kids in wheelchairs, kids who didn’t seem to have anything wrong with them, kids who could barely walk.

Cassie came flying up at me. When she spoke, she was so mad little bits of chicken came flying at my face. “Who are these people? What is this?”

“These are the kids we’re helping from the Make-A-Wish Foundation,” I said, trying to ignore the chicken spittle. I spotted a little girl in a white dress standing nearby. She was adorable, with enormous blue eyes and long brown hair. I dragged Cassie over to her. “What’s your name?” I asked.

“Kayla,” the little girl replied. She looked back and forth at me, then Cassie, like she was watching a tennis game. “I have cystic fibrosis. Do you like ponies?”

“Well, do you, Cassie?” I asked.

If looks could kill, Cassie would have taken me out instantly. “Sure,” she mumbled.

“When I grow up, I want a pony,” Kayla said, taking Cassie’s hand. “I’d name it Sally. After my favorite nurse.”

Cassie glared daggers at me, but Kayla didn’t notice. “You’re pretty,” she said to Cassie, who was momentarily distracted from plotting my death.

“What?” she asked, looking at the little girl.

“I want to look like you when I grow up,” Kayla said, as if that was a perfectly normal thing to say to someone you just met.

Well, that was pretty much the moment when the Cassie Grinch’s heart grew two sizes and all that. She grinned at the little girl, leaning down to talk to her. “Aren’t you cute!”

With Cassie distracted, I walked away, scanning the crowd for familiar faces. Madison and Clive had snuck in, and I watched as they paired off Charity Action slackers with sick kids much more gracefully than I had. I guess all of the glad handing they had to do in the industry was actually useful once in a while.

“Have you met my very good buddy Jacob?” Clive asked Lex, gesturing toward a shy little boy who was clinging to his leg for dear life. “I heard a rumor that he loves baseball, and I’m betting you could help him with his swing.”

Amazingly, Lex nodded. “I could do that,” he said as Clive peeled the little boy off and let Lex takeover.

I was thinking I might grab a side of ribs while I had the chance when I saw Jenna and Kelly walk through the door. “You made it!” I yelled, running toward them.

“What the hell is this?” Jenna asked, looking around. “Where’d the kids come from? Is this some sort of adoption scam?”

“These are kids from Make-A-Wish,” I explained. “I wanted Cassie to see who she was stealing money from whenever she had a kegger.”

“So, it’s not a prank?” Kelly asked, looking disappointed.

“Not exactly,” I admitted. “More of a deprogramming.”

Kelly snorted. “Cassie’s brainwashed you guys,” she said. “That bitch has you snowed into thinking she’s not a bimbo.”

Madison came walking over, holding hands with a boy who looked to be about ten or eleven. “Hi,” she said. She was smiling. “This is Oliver.”

Oliver stared at his shoes. “Hey,” he mumbled.

Since Oliver wasn’t jumping in, Madison kept talking. “Oliver says he’s a really good artist. Like Kelly.”

Kelly, who had been inspecting her fingernails since Madison arrived, finally looked at her. And amazingly, Madison smiled. “You two should talk,” Madison said to Kelly. “You have a lot in common.”

Madison gave Oliver a quick hug, then walked away. Kelly looked at me, then Jenna, as if searching for an explanation.

“Talk to the kid,” Jenna said, poking Kelly with an elbow.

“Uh, what do you like to draw?” I heard Kelly ask him as Jenna and I slipped off to the bar.

I grabbed a Diet Coke from the bartender and looked around. “You think we should bar the door?” Jenna asked, sipping an orange juice. “Or is it more important we hide you from Cassie’s wrath?”

I pointed across the room. “You tell me.” Over near the petting zoo, Cassie had Kayla on her back and was giving her a full-out pony ride. She was even making whinnying noises and pawing at the ground with her “hooves.”

Jenna nodded. “She gives good horse. Who knew?”

Okay, before you go diabetic on me, it wasn’t all smiles and horsey rides. Gina looked like she wanted to drive a spike through her head and spent the evening sulking in a corner, filing her nails. Some of the Make-A-Wish kids were so shy they wouldn’t talk to anyone but their parents or even play the games, and a few of my classmates looked really uncomfortable. I mean, it’s not always fun to hang out with someone who’s sick, and just because you’re ill doesn’t mean you’re a saint or anything.

But I stopped worrying about that when I saw Kelly and Oliver beating the hell out of the Whack-A-Mole game in the corner. Kelly was laughing, actually laughing, and Oliver even gave her a high five after she won.

Jenna nodded in their direction. “That’s nice,” she said. “Seeing her happy like that.”

I nodded. It really was.

I watched Ozzie dash by. He was being chased by a tiny little kid with an inflatable bat who seemed to get a real kick out of beating my boss in the ankles. “Great party!” Ozzie yelled as he hustled by.

I felt a hand on my wrist. “I haven’t gotten a chance to talk to you all evening,” Madison said, leading me off to a quieter corner. Her face was flushed from playing with the kids.

“I can’t believe how well this is going,” I sighed. “I mean, look at Cassie.” Watching her and Kayla playing hopscotch in the corner, I was beginning to think Cassie was going to try to sneak Kayla into her purse and take her home with her.

“Listen, I broke up with Todd,” Madison blurted.

“What?” Believe it or not, I was kind of surprised. I mean, just the other day she’d been saying she’d take what she could get when it came to Todd.

“I figured something out. I love him, but I have to start loving myself, too. That’s what my shrink says.”

“Good shrink.” Even if her shrink did sound like Dr. Phil.

“Imagining him with other girls was making me crazy. I mean, seriously, screw that. I want to be the only girl. I want to be loved. Really loved.”

“Who doesn’t?” I thought about Jeremy. I felt like he loved me, but maybe that was another lie.

Madison brushed some dirt off her jeans. “You know, I owe Todd a lot for helping me change how I felt about food and stuff. But that meant a lot more to me than it did to him.” She looked up, watching the crowd. So many happy people, but Madison wasn’t one of them.

“Are you okay?” I asked. She could give me this girl power pep talk until she was blue in the face, but I knew how hard she’d fallen for Todd. This couldn’t be easy, even if it was necessary.

Madison nodded, the muscles of her jaw tightening. “I will be,” she said. And of course, as you know, she was. “You know why I could do this?”

I shook my head, and she continued. “Because it made me so mad thinking about how Jeremy was treating you. How he didn’t value you at all. And then I realized Todd was doing the exact same thing to me. And we’re really kick ass people. We’re smart and we’re funny and we’re hot as hell and we deserve good things. And good boyfriends.”

I blushed a little. I always get a little embarrassed when people give me compliments, even today. “You’re right,” I said.

It was early, but the evening was already starting to wrap up. Parents were picking up their sleepy children and carrying them out the door, and the caterers were putting away the food. I figured I’d try to sneak out quietly, in case Cassie or Gina decided to beat the hell out of me when the crowd cleared out.

When I saw Cassie running toward me, I braced myself for a bitch out. Just because she’d found a new best friend didn’t mean I wasn’t blacklisted anymore. Instead, I was swept up in a hug so hard it hurt. “Thank you, Erin,” Cassie muttered into my hair. When she let me go, I saw her eyes were wet with tears. “That was really sneaky of you, but I got it. I really got it.”

“Good,” I said, but not in a mean way. “I’m glad you aren’t pissed.”

“Well, a little,” she admitted. “Gina is gonna kill me. She hates kids. But seeing who we’re helping, face-to-face… I wouldn’t have understood any other way, I don’t think. And I’m sorry. I kind of feel like a giant ass now.”

Lex called Cassie’s name, and she gave me another quick hug. “Are we still friends?” she asked.

“Definitely,” I said, and I wasn’t even lying.

***

I snuck out the door when no one was looking and sat down on a folding chair someone had dragged outside. At night the lot was almost like a public park or something, just trees and benches and perfectly trimmed lawns. It was almost romantic. Which made sense, considering most of my big make-out sessions had taken place somewhere on the lot. Dax on a park bench, Jeremy in the parking garage. Jeremy.

I thought about what Madison had said, about both of us deserving more. But I don’t think she really knew what I had. Jeremy wasn’t like Todd or Dax or any of the high school boys we knew. Jeremy understood me. And when he kissed me, it was like Christmas and chocolate ice cream and every good thing I’d ever known all rolled up into one perfect moment.

Yes, he was a liar. Maybe I couldn’t trust him, at least not yet. But I could live with that.

“I saw you tiptoe out,” Jeremy said, walking up to me. Think of the devil. “Trying to give me the slip?”

“No,” I said. Even if I left, I couldn’t get away from Jeremy, not really.

There was an awkward pause after that. I hadn’t really thought about what I wanted to say, but I knew I was the one who had to say it. “I don’t want to wait anymore.”

I heard Jeremy exhale, as if he’d been holding his breath. “I’m glad,” he said, his voice soft. “I’m really, really glad.”

And then, we kissed. I almost don’t want to describe it, because I’m sure, on the surface, it looked like any kiss between any other two people, lips connecting, eyes closed. I can only tell you what I felt. I felt as if I wanted to live inside that kiss. I felt like I wanted to make time stop, to forget who I was. I felt as if I’d found a solution to a problem I didn’t know I had. I felt like nothing in my life had ever been as good as that moment, and nothing ever would be. I felt whole. I felt like I finally knew what it really meant to be in love.

***

Okay, I know what you’re thinking. You think I’m being a hypocrite, or delusional, or maybe just stupid for taking Jeremy back. I don’t blame you. Yes, he lied to me, and more than once. He’d betrayed Marlene, broken her heart, and maybe he would break mine, too. But I couldn’t walk away from someone who made me feel the way he did because of something he might do someday. When you love someone, you see the good in them. And somehow you block out the rest.

And the thing is, I was beginning to figure out that no one is one hundred percent good or bad like they are in the movies. Real life is more complicated than that. Even Hollywood itself is more complicated than that. I know I’ve done things I haven’t been proud of, but I’ve tried to redeem myself. And that night, I had to believe Jeremy could redeem himself, too.

But I’d like to think that if you’d had that perfect kiss, you’d understand. Completely.