Chapter 63 The Dragon And The Warrior

Chapter 63 The Dragon And The Warrior
Rachel Point of View.

I'm torn between my mind, urging me to run in the opposite direction without ever looking back, and my heart, begging me to ignore all the red lights flashing in my mind indicating danger and to tell him how I feel. His brown eyes stared at me, so guilty and yet resentful at the same time. His steps towards me seemed to take an eternity, as if we were miles apart, and no matter how close he got, that feeling didn't seem to change.

"Rachel, I don't know what you saw, but I didn't mean to do that, and I stopped before anything happened," Jayden explained, his voice deep. Perhaps he was as tired of all this as I was.

"You don't need to explain, Jayden. You did nothing wrong!" I affirmed and looked away.

From there, I could see the whole campus and part of the city. I almost never went there, never had time to admire the scenery or enjoy the fact that I'm in New York, and for some reason, I find myself staring at the horizon, wondering what other surprises it holds for me.

"I didn't?" He asked, confused, and I shook my head, unable to look at him.

My tears had dried, and despite the cold making my nose numb, I was able to breathe without feeling like daggers were descending my throat, so I guess that's progress.

"Then why do I feel like I just lost you?" He asks, his voice choked with tears, making me close my eyes, trying not to give in.

"You can't lose what you never had," I affirmed simply, shrugging.

"What were you doing there? Why were you looking for me?" He insists, trying to understand my motivations, but if it were up to me, he would never know.

"What difference does it make, Jayden? It was about the charity ball," I affirm, trying to deflect, but he approaches.

"It makes all the difference, Rach! I messed up and ruined everything, but only because I'm tired of being like a bomb about to explode in your hands. I'm tired of feeling like I'll never be good enough for you, and it doesn't help when other people remind me that it's true." He sighs, and I raise an eyebrow.

Maybe I'm numb, his words hurt, but I manage to shelter myself somewhere in my mind so that it doesn't make me collapse.

"It doesn't matter because I'll never be able to reciprocate your feelings," I said firmly and quickly, but not aggressively. There was a tone of sadness in my voice that would be imperceptible to most people.

I didn't turn to face him, I didn't want to risk faltering or letting him read in my eyes that I was lying, yet he seemed to notice.

"You're lying! I would believe you if you said you don't want to try, that you don't trust me or even that you're afraid, but you can't say you feel nothing for me because I felt it, Rach!" He asserts, getting closer and closer to me, and I pray he doesn't get any closer because I was afraid of losing my mind, losing all my reason.

"Felt what, Jayden? We were pretending to date and at some point we might have confused our feelings, but it didn't go beyond that," I insisted, and he let out a nervous laugh.

I knew there was only one way to push him away without hurting myself, but I didn't want to do it. I didn't want to be harsh on him or hurt his ego. I wanted to keep the bonds we had built at least in the last few days, but who was I trying to fool? Those bonds were already destroyed when I saw him with someone else, and as I remembered that, I took a deep breath, determined to do whatever it takes to destroy any hope that may still exist.

"No! It was real for me, and it was for you too! Even if you try to deny it. I felt it in every kiss, every touch, and every time you looked at me," he says with a firm voice, but when I turn to face him, he falls silent.

"Just because we kissed a few times, does that mean I have feelings for you?" I asked, with a sarcastic smile on my face as a shield that would protect me from him, and I continued. "I thought someone like you could handle this better than anyone else, after all, you've kissed several girls before." I sighed, shrugging and pursed my lips as I looked at him. "I think you're too emotional. Maybe it's because it doesn't sink into your head that someone might not want the great Jayden Park, but try to understand once and for all. All of this was fake! I only agreed to all this for Jasper, and it's him that I always wanted to be with." I affirmed, my voice as cold as the surrounding weather, and I could see tears welling up in his eyes.

"So, is that it? I never stood a chance?" He asks, and I feel like screaming that nothing of what I was saying was true, but I couldn't.

"Never. It has always been Jasper, and it's only for him that I'm having to put up with the person I despise the most." I insisted, throwing the last bit of dirt on what could have been a destructive love.

"Well, thank you for making your feelings so clear. I'm sorry for misunderstanding things! It won't happen again. As for our relationship, which is so unpleasant for you, we can end it here," he says with a weak voice, and I shake my head without looking at him.

"Your presence doesn't affect me at all, Jayden. To me, this is just another job, and I will finish it! We have a charity ball to organize, assignments to do, and a lot to study. As long as you don't bother me anymore with these silly feelings, we can continue." I finish and sigh as I look at the clock before continuing. "You better try to catch the end of your class, and I'll go back to the debate club." I sigh and see him nod, but his jaw is clenched as he struggles with tears.

My words rebuilt the protective walls I've always had around me, and I felt much safer. I couldn't let my feelings take over, I wouldn't let love ruin me as it did with my mother. I decided to focus on the debate club to forget everything that was happening, and no one could defeat me on any topic today. I was sharp, determined, and relentless, as I always had been, and that was comforting.

Near Jayden, I feel weak, I feel like acting like a damsel in distress just to see him save me in different ways. But away from him, I am the dragon and the warrior of my own castle, and I will never give up that feeling again.