Chapter 62: On my Own
Rachel Jennings,
I didn’t know where to go or what to do. I just wanted to cry in silence, without anyone seeing me. Why was I crying over something that was never real? Why was I so stupid to trust Jayden? Why was I trying to kill, inside my chest, a feeling that shouldn’t even have been born and that I would deny for the rest of my life? The questions tangled in my mind, and for someone who thought she knew everything about life, I was disappointed to realize that I had actually been right. I should never have let him get close, and I will never make that mistake again.
Jasper took me to the music room. He made me sit on the long bench in front of the piano, and I rested my elbows on the instrument, letting my tears fall. I wiped them away, but it was like trying to dry ice, more and more kept coming. Jasper came closer and let me cry on his shoulder. My tears soaked the fabric of his light blue T-shirt, and he looked confused every time I laughed, trying to hide my pain.
“You don’t have to pretend with me, Rachel. Jayden was an asshole. You have the right to cry,” he said, sighing, visibly irritated with my fake boyfriend. I shook my head.
“No, he didn’t do anything wrong!” I tried to explain, but the lack of air wouldn’t let me. He moved closer, pressing our foreheads together and placing my hand on his chest.
“Don’t try to defend him. Just breathe with me,” he instructed, taking a deep breath and signaling for me to do the same.
His gaze was calming and seemed to take over everything inside me. I followed his breathing and inhaled the citrusy, delicious scent of his cologne.
“Everything will be okay. Just keep breathing,” he insisted, and I filled my lungs with air once again.
It was painful, insufficient, but necessary, and after a few minutes my breathing calmed down. My eyes were closed, our foreheads touching, his warm breath brushing against mine, and I felt safe. Far away from all the confusion and uncertainty I felt with Jayden. Jasper was my perfect antidote. He was one of the reasons I had gotten into this, and now I would focus only on him. When I finally calmed down, I pulled our foreheads slightly apart and saw the concern in his eyes.
“No one has ever managed to help me get out of a crisis without my asthma inhaler before,” I said, impressed, and he caressed my face.
“Whenever you need it, you can rely on me,” he said with a faint smile that didn’t quite reach his lips, then continued. “I can’t believe that idiot Jayden did this to you! I should punch him in the face!” Jasper muttered, clenching his fists. I shook my head, trying to smile, and wiped away the last tears still falling.
“We weren’t together anymore,” I said, and he stared at me, surprised.
“You broke up?” he asked, narrowing his almond-shaped eyes, and I forced a smile, shrugging.
“You can’t break up something that never really started. I told you it wasn’t anything serious,” I explained, but he didn’t seem convinced.
“You don’t need to make anything up to protect him, Rachel. If that were true, he wouldn’t have shouted to the four winds that you’re his girlfriend, and you wouldn’t be this sad,” he argued and sighed before continuing. “I’ll get you some water and be right back,” he said, leaving the room as if stepping away to avoid insisting further, and I felt a certain relief when he left.
I really needed to be alone to reassess my feelings, but when I heard the door opening again, I didn’t even turn around. Jayden’s voice filled the room, and I couldn’t process a single word he said. I clenched my jaw, fighting myself not to break down in front of him. Only when I heard Jasper’s sharp voice cutting through the room did I turn around, and when I saw him heading toward Jayden, visibly irritated, I stepped in front of him, placing myself between them.
“No, Jasper! I already told you, Jayden and I have nothing. He’s single and can do whatever he wants!” I said in a warning tone, and he shook his head.
“How can you say that? That idiot played with you, defended you in front of his father, and now jumps into bed with the first girl he finds!” he said. I felt Jayden tremble with anger behind me, since we were so close that I could feel his hot breath on the back of my neck, making every hair on my body stand on end.
“And what do you think you know about us? Until last month you didn’t even care that Rachel existed, and now you’re playing the protector?” Jayden shot back, and Jasper seemed even more irritated.
“It doesn’t matter how long I’ve known her. I’m sure I can treat her better than you!” Jasper shouted, and my heart raced, but I was too hurt to tell whether he was breaking or exploding.
“Enough! The truth is that neither of you knows anything about me!” I shouted, and both of them looked at me, devastated.
“I’m sorry, Rachel. I don’t know why I acted like that. I go crazy with anger when I think someone hurt you,” Jasper said, and for the first time I sighed, irritated by something he said.
He had already broken my heart thousands of times. I felt more invisible every time I tried to make him see me, and now he thought he could get angry because someone else had done the same.
“Well, I’m a big girl. I don’t need you or anyone else to take care of me. I know how to deal with my problems,” I said, shifting my gaze between them before continuing. “And right now, I don’t want to deal with either of you.”
I left the room and ran to the university terrace, where some students went to smoke. I definitely wouldn’t be able to attend any classes today, and luckily, I was well ahead in all my courses, so it wouldn’t affect me. I needed to focus on myself. Take care of myself. And from now on, I will do it alone. Or at least that’s what I thought, when the terrace door opened and brown eyes, drowned in a sea of concern, stared at me. Would I never be alone again? Did I really want solitude, or did I just want to run into that comforting embrace?