Chapter 59 No peace

Chapter 59 No peace
Jayden's Point of View

Rachel is good at many things, but I believe her greatest natural talent is pushing me away. She sees me as a danger, an illness, a poison for which she seems to have the perfect antidote, and it makes me question every decision I've ever made. It makes me feel guilty about every girl I've been with before her, and it doesn't make any sense. I couldn't talk to her in the car, and I've been avoiding any intimate contact with her because it only leaves me more addicted, and I don't know how to deal with that kind of dependency.

Maybe she's right, and the best course of action is to let this story go. But what if I'm right for the first time in my life? What if I can give her the love she thinks she'll find with Jasper? What if I can prove that I can be just as, or even more, reliable than him? I know I would try my hardest and never hurt her, but why is she so sure that I would? I've never been in a relationship before, so she can't use my past as an example. How can she judge me when I've always been single?

I'm walking through the university, and some students whose lockers were broken into still look at me with disdain, but I don't care. I'm on my way to class, and I have to focus on my studies. Organizing the prom will help me with my extra hours, even though I have no idea what I'll have to do. I have to focus on my main goal that has been put aside for the past few days. Rachel was right about one thing, love can really throw us off balance. Maybe it's better to avoid all this drama.

"Jayden, wait!" Lexie shouts my name, and I turn to see her running towards me. "We need to talk!" She asserts, her face serious as she tries to catch her breath.

"Go ahead," I sighed, putting my hands in the pockets of the jeans I was wearing.

"Not here. Come!" She pulls me by the arm, and I find her behavior strange.

"I have to go to class, Lexie!" I grumble, exasperated, and she doesn't seem to care as she doesn't even respond to me.

When I realize she's pulling me towards the pool area of the gym and when we're close to the equipment room where everyone comes to hook up, I shake my head.

"What's up, Lexie? We've talked about this," I sighed, too tired to deal with this situation.

Alessandra is beautiful, and we had a lot of fun together when it was just casual, but when she started to get attached, I saw that it wouldn't be fair to her, so we stopped. If, before I was with Rachel, I didn't want to continue, now I definitely don't want to.

"Come on, Jayden! It's not what you're thinking. It's about Rachel!" She explains, rolling her eyes, and I stare at her confused, but when I realize, we've already entered the place.

"And why do we have to talk about this in the university's makeshift motel?" I asked, looking around and seeing the stack of inflatable mattresses that should be used in swimming classes but end up being used as beds for horny college students.

I've used this room enough to know that no one comes here for any other reason.

"Well, would you rather discuss your fake relationship here or where everyone can hear and talk about it?" The brunette asks, visibly annoyed, and I sigh.

"Here," I admitted, and she looked at me with a judgmental gaze.

"Besides, I'm not a woman who has sex in a filthy room!" Lexie grumbles before sighing and continued. "I ended up sleeping at Rachel's last night, and Jayden, I didn't want to say this, but you have to stay away from her!" The brunette asserts, and I stare at her, disbelieving.

I don't even bother asking why. To me, it was clear that everyone thought that, and even Finn said that Rachel is amazing and that this joke would end up hurting her.

"Yeah, it seems like this is common knowledge," I sigh, trying to control myself, but my eyes burn, and I lower my head.

Realizing that her words weren't well received, Lexie touches my shoulder, and her tone softens.

"Jayden, I think she has very deep traumas that we don't understand. Yesterday we were sleeping, and she started crying with a nightmare, calling for her mother." Lexie explained.

I stare at her, confused, because I actually didn't know anything about Rachel's family, and I know how much she hates crying in front of others.

"What? What do you mean?" I ask, concerned, and she shrugs, but her concern is evident.

"Yeah, it was scary! She thrashed, cried, and when I woke her up, she had a horrible asthma attack." The brunette explained, and my chest tightened when I remembered the argument we had where Rachel had the same reaction.

"Why didn't you call me?" I asked, exasperated, as if I could have done something to prevent her suffering in any way.

Lexie lowered her head and sighed deeply, and even before she opened her mouth, I knew her words would hurt me.

"She didn't let me." The brunette looked at me again and shrugged. "She begged, crying, for you not to come near her." Lexie's eyes filled with tears, and that was the last straw that made me collapse.

I turned my body, pulling my own hair, feeling a tear roll down my face, and kicked the mattresses on the floor that fell like a house of cards.

"What kind of monster do you think I am?" I asked, and when I realize, my fists hit the wall, leaving the skin red. "I know I'm not a prince charming, and my past condemns me. But what can I do? I can't go back in time and erase my past. But you're simply invalidating everything I can be in the future, as if I would never be able to change!" I s, exasperated, at no one in particular, but when I turned, I saw that Lexie seemed a little scared, and I sighed before continuing. "I'm sorry, Lexie. I just don't understand why I have to be avoided like a plague." I sigh and lean my forehead against the wall, letting the tears roll.

I hear footsteps behind me and feel a comforting hug. The scent of macadamia from Lexie's familiar perfume envelops me, and I don't push her away.

"I don't think you're any of that, Jayden. Maybe you and I just have a natural talent for hurting people. We're like bombs, unstable and destructive, ready to explode at any moment." The brunette's voice came out weakly, and I wanted to argue.

I wanted to deny and say that I wasn't like that, that I would never do anything to hurt Rachel, but I thought even Lexie wouldn't believe me, so I just let her hug me as I cried, and when I couldn't take it anymore, I sighed.

"Can you leave me alone, please?" I asked, and I didn't hear her response, but her face that was glued to my body nodded, and soon she left me completely alone.

I fell onto those mattresses and cried until my tears dried. I missed class, and I wasn't even in the mood to study now. All I could think was that I had failed the biggest test without even being allowed to take the exam. I failed some essential prerequisites in the selection process for Rachel's heart, and I wondered what else I needed to do? What else do I need to change to be considered worthy?