47- Cocktail of orgasms

I don't know if robbing trains is well regarded at your station as it is at mine, but I have taken so many people off my cars because I don't want anyone to stay behind, and I'm missing Paola, who after all is Paola who has made it possible for my platforms to be the busiest and most active part of my soul, in my attempt to keep my emptiness intact. It is such an exhausting activity for me to remain in my solitude, and to strive to self-sabotage any attempt to be happy with someone else, like no Sunday fruit market or colorful metaphor can ever compare to it. How much it weighs to know you through fragments of your soul, and to look inside yourself, like a kaleidoscope of broken crystals that reflect moments full of magic, and to understand that the rest that came after the collision that caused the breakup, does not exist, even if you are living it right now. If someone wanted to write my biography, it would be no bigger job. It has only two dates: The day I met Paola and the day I fell from the sky following freedom and the desire to be able to feel it in this life. Between one date and another my life as a star passed. What happened in Venezuela before I saw her, I forgot. What happens now living in Barcelona, ​​lacks it. As ephemeral as ever. Sometimes eternity could be a “forever” hidden in that second she looked at me and said “Bicho, what are you thinking about?” as if space and clocks were never going to break ever again.

I knew she was having more than one cocktail of orgasms, beating songs and having a blast giving herself over to music. The world can collapse on top of her and Paola will continue to smile because she knows that when she stops doing it everything will lose the meaning it never had in the first place. And that is why I admire her, because she had the courage to forget about the ephemeral and turn reality into a paradox of eternity just by playing her guitar and shining for the world. I admired her, and I have always admired her because I would have liked to be like her. To fill my skin with experiences of emptiness; to pay attention to what happens around me, forgetting about her, to cleanse my heart of the only thing that makes it beat, her, reality and essence.

Anyway, don't pay too much attention to me, but I suspect that the most succulent mistakes are made in inappropriate places, like the first times I let my new girlfriend sneak under my dresses. However, those mistakes that you fear making for fear of not surviving to tell about them usually occur in forbidden, claustrophobic places. That feeling that you shouldn't be there but there is no other place where you can take shelter from your infinite loneliness. The best memories come from unplanned acts. Maybe that's why I decided to move in with Mel, I just wanted to feel alive, I longed for the adrenaline that once ran through my entire life.

\- Honey... Have you ordered the pizza? - I wanted to know. Melisa was reading a medical book, wrapped in the sheets.

\- No, I was thinking that we could go out to eat something – She answered, her blue eyes caressing me through her reading glasses – I want to celebrate that I will have you here, you and Charlie-. I looked at her tenderly as I included Charlie in the sentence. Although I had let him run around with Bianca in Mel's apartment for days when I brought him to visit, I felt that now it was different, we were a family.

\- I don't want to go out – I whispered, scratching my eyes from sleep – I want to eat pizza. Also, I have a surprise for you… – I confessed, thinking about my new panties and my bralettes. And the erotic dance to a Sia song that I had been practicing to dance for Melisa.

\- A surprise? I see that you haven't forgotten that you have a debt pending with me.

\- Can you order the pizza? – I asked her

\- No Anni, I don't want to eat pizza, come on, let's go out for a while.

\- I want to stay home - I announced, shrugging my shoulders.

\- We can go to a pizza place that you'll love, darling, I just want to take you somewhere beautiful. - He announced, his voice was warm and full of anxiety - And if you told me why the hell you don't want to go out with me... then we could come to an agreement - He added sharply. His way of speaking to me was sweet and demanding like a laid-back and frank manipulation.

\- I don't want to go out with you? - I said surprised, taking a wavy lock of hair behind my ear. I sighed. Now I would have to learn to live with her, to be flexible, and to give the best of myself. I just didn't know where the best of myself had gone.

\- Are you hiding from someone? - Mel wanted to know.

\- No, it's not that. I just don't feel like going out. I want to eat pizza with you, watch you study that huge medical book, and maybe watch a movie and drink bourbon. – I explained sweetly.

\- Fuck! – Mel rolled her eyes – If you're going to be this boring every night, I'm going to You're telling me that. – she said dryly. I looked at her surprised.

\- I just want us to be here at home. I'm a little tired – I told her in brief thoughts.

\- And things always have to be done the way you say – Mel let out a sigh full of regret – There is no other way.

\- Exactly, you're starting to understand me. – I answered coldly, but far from being unsympathetic I felt great regret for speaking like that.

\- Well, you're in a bad way, aunt. I'm always the flexible one.

\- I thought you liked the way I was – I said sweetly shrugging my shoulders.

\- I like it, but sometimes I need you to understand me too, Ania. Let me explain, today a patient died in front of my nose, the only reason I'm headfirst into this book is because I want to be sure I did everything within my power to save his life. I need a drink, okay?

\- Mel didn't know that.

\- Of course not, I didn't want to ruin the night. But apparently I already did.

I looked at her understandingly. I took her face with both hands, kissed her lightly and closed my hand in a fist and curved it, rotating my wrists in a kind of dance until I caressed her hair.

\- I don't find it funny - She said, breaking away from my kisses, she got up out of bed and, kicking one of my shoe boxes, she walked away. Charlie ran off at the sudden, abrupt sound, Bianca, Mel's gray cat, ran after him.

\- I'm sorry - I whispered crawling on the bed until I was kneeling at the edge of the bed - Will you excuse me? We can go get something to eat, and leave the pizza for another day. How about that? I haven't worked out for two weeks now. And cutting out junk food will help me get my abs back. See? "Pizza is not so necessary." I straightened up and knelt in front of Melisa's silhouette. She came closer and took my chin.

Mel remained silent and let herself be showered with kisses and caresses. "Then let me put my shoes on and let's go, okay?" I added, kissing her cheeks and then her neck. Melisa's knees weakened and she fell back onto the bed. I climbed on top of her and continued kissing her.

"You look like my last girlfriend." She announced in a whisper. "You have things that remind me of her behavior and I don't like it," Mel said dryly with a lost look. I continued kissing her face.

"Was she pretty? What sign was she?" I asked, kissing the corner of her lips.

"Virgo... of course she was pretty... she had pretty hair just like you. Abundant and soft," she said, caressing my head. I bit her neck and she moaned. Although she wasn't that thin.

\- Oh no?

\- No – He whispered squeezing my ass and scratching my back.

\- And the breasts? - I whispered

\- Small like yours.

\- Oh... I bit his lips.

\- Why do you say I look like her?

\- She was dominant like you – He continued saying while I felt his breasts adjust against my body. - It's what you say and that's it. There is no right to protest... only to please them. She was dominant and controlling, she wanted to organize my life.

\-