48- They will never steal your beauty

I'm not like that - I said offended. And I really wasn't, I was empathetic and sensitive, and the narcissist was Melisa. But without her, I would fall headlong into a dark and lonely hole, I could love Melisa's narcissism, but not my loneliness.

\- Oh yes, you are, Miss Perfectionist and Indulgent. You were folding your panties by size and your bras by color! - She indicated. Melisa suddenly felt happy at my kisses and attentions. I looked at my luggage and the clothes I had unpacked. I looked embarrassed at the underwear drawer. I always liked to organize my clothes in color gradation. We both laughed lightly.

\- Well... maybe I am somewhat organized, but there are worse.

\- What about you? Holy God the antichrist! You are the most bossy woman I have ever met.

\- Well, then don't indulge me in anything. I will please you – I said with feigned indifference, gathering my hair into a bun and turning my back on her – Mel leaned over my neck and began to kiss me.

\- Order the pizza, darling – she whispered to me. I wondered if she meant it or if she was manipulating me to make me look pretentious and selfish. Suddenly I felt very sad when I remembered how my relationship with Paola was. If there was one thing I was always sure of, it was the frankness of her feelings when we were together – we can talk and I'll tell you what happened in the hospital – Melisa added, her arms wrapped around me tightly and her hands gripped my waist and my breasts under my blouse.

\- No – I whispered, feeling uncomfortable at the touch of her hands – I'll get a belly like Winnie the Pooh – I assured her, I winked at her and freed myself from her hands.

We both laughed.

\- Mel, I need to talk to you, about something very important.

\- About what?

\- It's that thing couples do, you know, when they're intimate…

\- Sex?

\- Yes, about that. Frankly, I'm not ready to be with you and I don't know when I will be. I don't want to disappoint you. But what we were doing… well, I'd like to stop doing it until I feel like my life is back to normal…

\- Ania, I've been waiting for you for three months…

\- I know, I'm just asking for a little more time, I just want to be sure

\- Sure about what? Are you not sure you want to be with me?

\- No, Melissa, it's not about you, it's about my timing and my body.

\- I don't really understand. Fuck, I don't know what else to do to reassure you. But I'm not going to force you, if you don't want to, you don't want to.

Four hours later. After eating pizza and watching Melisa finish a bottle of wine until she stopped counting the glasses, I smoked my Marlboro Light and thought about that absolute need to lose myself in the memories of Paola that did not allow me to love anyone else, now Mel slept next to me, I could not fall asleep.

I got up and went to the balcony of the room, opened the window and went out. Barcelona at night, the lights of the city. I wanted to blow my nose but I did not have my handkerchief at hand. I walked on tiptoe to the bathroom so as not to wake Mel who was lying asleep. I felt a scab on my nose, and for some annoying impulse I wanted to tear it off. I remembered when I was a child and I would tear off the scabs from my knees, I thought they looked tacky on the skin and I would end up unleashing a parade of blood on my knees. I always played running around with Caroline at our grandmother's house in Venezuela until I ended up with broken legs. However, since I was a child I liked taking care of my skin, I knew that my skin and my body had something special, as if it were wonderful to be able to feel and touch everything. When I discovered that I was a star I could understand that I had wanted to have this body for hundreds of years, and to feel Paola's for many lifetimes too.