Chapter 25 Branded
I'm different now.
I have been different ever since he saved me, but this feels like something else.
Like I knew he would, Black has left before I could wake up, and when I look at myself in the mirror, I don't recognise myself.
My hair is all over the place from where he had it wrapped around his fist or clenched in his hand. My eyes are swollen and red from all the crying over a man that I knew was going to leave. I slowly lick over my bruised lips from all the kissing.
My body doesn't fare any better. There are fingerprints around my neck and bite marks all over my neck, shoulders and chest. I take a picture and send it to him.
"Look what you've done to me."
He reads the message immediately, but he doesn't reply.
The fucking asshole. I wonder if he will be back any time soon, or if I won't see him again for weeks.
And how am I going to explain to my medical team here about what happened to my body?
Home feels so far away now, too. But I know I can't keep on running away from reality, and I have to talk to Ben.
I have to break things off with him. My heart hurts thinking about it, but I can no longer be with him when it beats for another man. I can't keep on doing this to him, stringing him along when I know I don't want to be with him anymore.
He was a huge part of me growing up, but I'm not that naive, over protected high school girl anymore.
There is something in the way Black handles me that just fits in a way that I've never fit with Ben before.
I text Aletta that I'm not up for training today and they should just send my meals to the villa. My plan is to crawl back into the messed up bed that smells of him and me and wallow that he left me once again,leaving only the clue that I'm not ready to know who he is.
My phone buzzes, and I grab it quickly anticipating his reply, but it's not him.
Instead, it's Ben, who is replying to me for the first time in nearly a month.
"Baby, I'm so sorry for how I've been handling everything. I know that your career means so much to you, and I'm sorry I wasn't more supportive. Please come home so I can look after you. I miss you, and I love you."
The phone falls out of my hand and the tears that form in my eyes are out of pure guilt.
I'm a horrible person. How could I do this to someone else who doesn't even deserve it.
Apart from not being too supportive in my career, Ben has never treated me with disrespect, and I repay him by sleeping with another man. By crying over another man, begging that man not to leave me.
Maybe I should just stay here on the West Coast. That way I can avoid Ben altogether. I'm sure there are great ballet companies here.
But my family is in the city. A city that I love, a company that I love. The city I was born in, where my name comes from.
Do I just throw all that away because I'm too cowardly to break up with someone. My aunt would say I should grow a pair of balls. And maybe that's exactly what I should've done when Ben's mother was talking about marriage.
"We'll talk when I get back." I reply, because he doesn't deserve to be broken up with over the phone. I at least owe him that courtesy.
He sends me a bunch of question marks, and if I wasn't desperately waiting for some sort of reply from Black, I would have switched my phone off.
My phone starts ringing and Ben's name flashes on the screen. God, what am I supposed to do? Should I ignore him? Block his number until I see him again?
I decide to put on my big girl panties even if I'm not wearing any, looking at myself naked in the mirror branded by another man when I answer the phone.
"What the fuck is we'll talk when I get back supposed to mean?" Ben's voice is angry over the line. "First, you make plans without even consulting me and then this!"
My fingers trace the marks on my neck, the ownership is evident. Black's words of last night comes back where he warned me that he will kill Ben. And I believe him.
"I don't belong to you, Ben, and if I want to make plans concerning my life and my career, then that is what I will do without asking for your permission."
I'm surprised at how calm and collected I sound when I'm feeling anything but.
I notice then that Black's teeth has cut through the skin around my one nipple, making it look angry and red. Good thing I still have a month left at this place to heal, otherwise the costume director would look at me with questions in her eyes.
"Who are you and what the fuck did you do with my girlfriend Madison!" His voice calms down a little, but I can practically feel the rage coming through the speaker.
"I said we will talk in a month. In case you were wondering, I'm doing great. My ankle is healing well and at this rate, I'll be in South Korea for Christmas."
"South Korea!" He shouts. "When were you going to share that information with me. Do you know how many women want me, how many women are begging me to leave you and date them instead! I'm a wanted man, and if you don't even show me that you want me a little bit, maybe this relationship is over!"
There was once a time when Ben spewed this exact words. It was just after I completed my training at the company's academy a few years ago and was offered one of the prima ballerina spots.
He said I will be too busy for him, that he needs a woman who will stand by his side while he's building his career and growing.
Only then, I couldn't imagine my life without him in it. I begged him to stay with me like a fucking weak idiot.
I honestly thought I couldn't do life without him.
But I see now that I was wrong then.
I have my own money.
I have my own career.
And I don't need Benedict Cargill to live the life I want.
"You know what, you're right." I put on the satin robe and tie the knot, hiding all the love bites and suck marks of a glorious night. "Please take one of those women you talk about. Goodbye Ben."
I disconnect the call and block his number.
And now I realise, I've always been better than Ben's empty threats.