Chapter 181 Tell them - Miguel POV
Her skin is as soft as silk, my fingertips rough as I stroke the inside of her thigh on my way to where I really want to be. She moans loudly when my fingers find her pussy wet and wanting, and I don't hesitate before I plunge two fingers deep inside her tight channel, making her shout out. I fuck her tight cunt with my fingers, until her hips are writhing, and her head is thrashing on the pillow.
"Do you want to get fucked?'" I growl out, her pussy becoming wetter the more I thrust my fingers inside her. I can't wait to sink my dick into her heat, her pussy wet enough to take all of me.
"Fuck me hard, Miguel."
Wait.
Her voice is all wrong. My eyes go from the wet pussy all the way up to the face thrashing on the pillow.
This is not Madison. The hair on the pillow is not almost black, but blonde. The face is older, not that of the woman that I love.
What am I doing? I shouldn't do this. I take my fingers out of the wet pussy, but claws grab my hand, forcing my fingers back inside.
"Please don't stop now Miguel, nobody fucks me the way you do."
I gasp, sitting up and wiping the sleep from my eyes.
I almost hyperventilate as I realise this was just another one of the nightmares that has been plaguing me ever since Ben died. Every time I close my eyes it's a new one, and the more I talk about what I endured with Caroline, the more nightmares I'm having.
I want to go home.
Home where Madison is carrying our baby. She must feel like I abandoned her. How could I do this to her when she needs me the most right now? What man loses his mind and leaves his pregnant girlfriend alone to tend for herself?
A cowardly one.
I get up from the fancy bed in the fancy wellness retreat and walk into the bathroom, taking a long, cold shower, trying to wash away the remnants of Caroline in my dreams.
I'm meeting up with the psychologist again today. The one that asks me questions I don't want to think about.
I though I was stronger than Caroline, that she didn't affect me anymore. The truth is, I never dealt with what she did to me, the military served as a great distraction. Being in the military taught me how to compartmentalize my feelings, and I just shoved everything that happened into a compartment that I never wanted to revisit. Guess the joke is on me. I almost lost the one person I wanted the most in this world.
She said she's not leaving me. Would she leave if she found out what happened to me? Would she leave if she knew that I allowed Caroline to do all those things to me?
The wellness retreat has everything I could ever need, and I take the early morning time to run around the premises until sweat drips into my eyes and my legs start screaming.
A woman stands on the edge of the property overlooking the ocean like she does every morning. She looks lost, but every morning when I pass by, she lifts her hand and waves at me. I always wave back at her, hoping that she heals from whatever brought her here.
I didn't agree to come here to meet other people. I agreed because I want to be a better person for Madison and the baby, because I want to get back to her as soon as possible. I know I'm not there yet.
"You went running again this morning?" Dr. Hudson asks me when I meet him in his office "Want to go for a little walk, it's nice out today."
Spring is Madison's favorite season. I wonder if she's stopping at the blooming flowers to smell them. I wonder if she misses me like I miss her.
"I was wondering," Dr. Hudson starts. "Have you ever thought of telling your parents about Caroline? Maybe your father ought to know since he's married to the woman?"
"Sometimes it's all I think about." I admit. "When it was happening, I couldn't, because she used my mother against me. My father was so blind to it all, always busy at the firm and trying to get into the senator's office."
"Do you blame him for not knowing something was going on?"
I think about that question, the cool ocean air blowing through my hair. "I used to, yes. Maybe a small part of me still do, but his only fault was trusting a woman who he married and believed was taking care of his son while he was working."
I sigh, thinking about the time I was there and got drugged.
"I think the butler definitely knew something was going on, he knew everything that happened in that house." Maybe I blame Samuel a little, for not doing something.
I had no one protecting me and my mother. That's why they will never see me slipping, I will protect Madison and our child, even if it's from me.
"What about your mother? Don't you think she deserves to know?"
I shake my head. "No, that woman did enough damage to her, I can't put this on her too."
"You have to tell someone, Miguel, Someone who will help you carry the load, a friend perhaps."
I could tell Raul, he only knew that I hated living in that house. He thought I was crazy, becaise I had everything that money could buy. Guess money couldn't buy safety. The problem is, I hate it when people look at me with pity in their eyes. I wouldn't be able to bear it if he looked at me like that.
So I don't intend to tell anybody, not my mother or father. Not my friends.
I intend to take this secret to Caroline's grave.
This time, she has nothing to manipulate me with.
I can't kill Ben, but I can certainly kill her.