Chapter 158 Throw Away - Benedict POV
Samuel places another cognac in front of me, and like the one before, I pick up the glass and throw the amber liquid down my throat.
This is the only way I get to fall asleep at night. I know I should slow down with the bourbon, I may end up being dependent on it too much, but my days look so bleak, this is the only color that looks attractive.
"Caroline?" I ask him the same question I ask every single night when I get home from a firm that stretched generations, but destroyed in my lifetime.
"Sedated." Samuel puts the whole bottle on the table and takes the seat opposite me, filling up a glass for himself.
"Was I a bad father, Samuel?" My father was never around, he was building the firm to leave to me, continuing the legacy of his father before him. I did the same thing, continuing what was given to me, but my sons destroyed it all.
Ben destroyed the Cargill name and livelihood, Miguel is destroying the last bit of dignity we have left.
"Not bad, no." Samuel shakes his head, but even though he's been here for years, he's still an employee. He has to tell me things I want to hear. "I just think that Ben had some issues that were overlooked. He didn't make it easy to see it, though, because he was so intelligent."
I know Ben killed Miguel's puppy when they were kids, but I always shrugged it off to a little bit of sibling jealousy. I should've known he needed psychotherapy or something even then, because what child kills a harmless puppy?
I was blind to the fact that my kids weren't perfect, and Samuel is right, Ben was fucking smart in all that he did.
And so was whoever leaked that information. I still think it was Miguel. He had motive, and he already tried to expose Ben at the firm.
Maybe if I fired Ben then, all of his deceit and debauchery wouldn't have been exposed. Maybe then Miguel would have been happy.
"And Miguel?" I take a sip of my freshly poured drink. "You know he's seeing Madison Smith right?"
"I know." Samuel sighs. "Miguel is just.....hurt."
"Hurt?" I raise my eyebrows. "What ever could hurt him? I gave that boy everything, but he defied me at every corner, every chance he got."
"Maybe he just wanted you to see him." Samuel's eyes find mine, knowledge shining in his.
"That is utter bullshit. If he did what the fuck he was supposed to do from the start, we may not be here right now." I slam my glass a little too loud on the table, my frustration with this situation escalating. "And he left me to deal with everything on my own, the little brat. What son does that to you? Especially since he's the only damn one left."
I should leave like he did. Cut my losses, sell this museum of a house and go. I should divorce Caroline, I never wanted her anyway, throw money at her and hope she disappears from my life forever.
There's only one problem with that.
The only person I can think of that I would want to spend the rest of my life with probably doesn't even want to see me. She gets a panic attack every time we come in contact.
It's been years since that fateful day at the train station that I took Miguel. She still hasn't forgiven me for that.
I just did what I thought was best for our child at the time.
"I don't know where to go from here, Miguel." I sound defeated even to my own ears, like a man who made too many mistakes to turn back and fix them all.
I drink the last of my bourbon and get up, the Butler that have been working here for years, and who probably knows more about what's going on in this house than me, looking at me with an unreadable expression.
"I'm not going anywhere, Benedict." He states resolutely. "So you're not alone."
At least he respects me, I see it in the way he looks at me. I nod at him before going to my room, but I stop at Caroline's first.
She's lying on the covers of her bed still fully dressed. I go to her and remove her shoes. She's clutching one of Ben's sweaters, tear tracks on her cheeks, her makeup caked.
She doesn't look like my wife who always had her shit together. The one who stood by my side with a radiant smile and a perfect posture.
No, for the first time she actually looks her age. She's not the woman she wants people to think she is. She's old and worn.
I've never respected Caroline other than the face she put out to the public, but she was the perfect partner in crime to become the president.
Those dreams are laid to rest along with my son, though, so I no longer need to pretend. Maybe both of us can find some peace in the years we have left without one another.
The letter.
Ben left a letter to only her.
What did it say?
And where did she hide it?