Chapter 157 Shadows
I get out of the shower, smiling as I think of Simon and T.J. going on a walk. T.J. is so daft, maybe that's why he's never dated anyone, he doesn't know when to go in for the chase.
Not that I would know, I haven't chased anyone either. Maybe he should get some tips from Miguel on what to do.
I'm still smiling when I walk into the bedroom, ready to tell Miguel that maybe he should give T.J. some pointers when I find him sitting on the edge of the bed on the side he sleeps on, with his head in his hands.
I still, taking in the image before me. He's only wearing boxer briefs, his muscles strained on his torso. He's been working out like crazy ever since we got here. I know he's twisted up about Ben's death, even if he's not saying anything.
Does that make me a bad person that I'm really happy Ben is dead? I'm feeling safer than I had in a while, like I finally have the world at my fingertips again.
I hesitantly stop in front of him, and he immediately rests his head against my stomach and engulfs me in his strong arms.
"What's wrong?" I whisper to him, lightly scratching the golden skin on his back.
He doesn't say anything, just moans before he pulls the towel from my body, his lips skittering over the slight swell of my tummy.
This is not the Miguel that I know. He's usually so in control while I'm always the one unraveling.
I want him to be able to talk to me, tell me what's bothering him, even if it is about Ben. We're bringing another human being into this world, we should be able to tell one another everything.
I run my fingers through his hair, and his hold on me tightens. "I just.... I just want to hold you."
"Okay."
He hardly let's me go so I can pull the covers back, and as soon as I'm on my back, he is next to me, shifting down my body so his face is aligned with my stomach, his hand possessively over the place our baby is growing.
Something is up with him, and my gut is telling me that I should be worried. I don't say anything, though, I let him hold me until his breathing evens out and I allow myself to fall asleep too.
As usual, he's already up when I wake up the next morning. The house seems quiet when I go looking for him, but I find Valentina in the garden watering the plants.
"Good morning." She lights up when she sees me, and I'm so happy that we're here. Seems like I'm not the only one who needed it.
"Good morning." I smile back. "Have you seen Miguel by any chance?"
"He go running. I make breakfast when he comes back." She puts her watering can down. "Do you want pancakes?"
"Sure." I clear my throat, trying to gather up the courage to talk to her about something sensitive. "Valentina, have you noticed something going on with Miguel?"
She worships the ground that he walks on. She might not believe it when I tell her that something night be wrong with him ever since Ben's death.
"Something going on?" She frowns. "No, Miguel very stress."
"Yeah." Of course he's stressed. Everything is falling apart for the Cargills. He mentioned that the firm probably has to shut down, and that he left his father to deal with that on his own.
Is he feeling guilty that he chose himself? I would understand if he did.
"He's just very sad all the time, it doesn't feel like him, you know?" Maybe I'm just crazy, it's not like we have been together for years so that I can know every tell, but this time around I'm trusting my gut feeling.
And my gut is saying that he's not okay.
"Sad?" Valentina looks down at her feet, seemingly caught up in her own thoughts. "I will check it, okay?"
"Please." I know we have a long way to go, but I don't want Ben's sins filtering over to our child.
This baby is our fresh start, and I want to bring him into the world where there is only love and peace. I know I can't shield him from the outside world forever, but I can at least try for as long as possible.
I'm getting dressed when Miguel enters the bedroom, sweat dripping from his face and bare chest like he just ran through the whole state of California.
I'm a ballerina. I push my body every single day, but I don't think what Miguel is doing could be healthy. And I certainly don't want him to get ill.
"Morning." He smiles at me, but it doesn't quite reach his eyes, and he comes up to me to kiss me swiftly on the lips before going to take a shower.
Both Valentina and I observe him during breakfast. He's engaging in conversation like he normally does, but again, it doesn't quite seem like him.
And when Valentina's eyes meet mine, I know for a fact that I'm not imagining things.