Chapter 34 My dream as a superstar

Chapter 34 My dream as a superstar
(The morning after Lucian and Sonia's intimate night)

Sonia's POV

I yawned and stretched out my hands, but the space beside me was empty, and Lucian was nowhere to be found. My eyes fluttered open, and I looked around while desperately trying to cover my body with the duvet. My window was left open, allowing a ray of sunlight.

“Last night was a…….. Last night?” My eyes widened, and I quickly looked under the duvet to check my body. I was naked, and Lucian had cleaned me very well. He even took his time when he was washing me down there. My legs twisted in embarrassment. I wasn't drunk yesterday, so I was fully aware that we had sex. The truth is, when you are horny, you might end up saying a lot of gibberish, and in my case, I did.

“Fuck me! Fuck me, Lucian! Lick my clitoris as you fuck my brain out!” The words I said yesterday replayed in my mind, and I covered my face in shame. I wasn't ashamed of having sex with him, I just didn't like my choice of words.

“He probably thinks of me as a slut now! Fuck!” I growled and angrily hit my hands on the bed. I stopped lamenting and put on a brave face. “Why should I be ashamed? I didn't do anything wrong?! He fucked me, and he also said some dirty words! I'm a woman, I have to be empowered,” I said to myself with a brave voice.

If you'd heard me, you'd think I mean it. But soon after I cringed at my own words. “Nooo! How do I face him? How do I face him now?” I asked with a nervous voice and stood up. I began to pace around my room, trying to calm myself by quoting some feminist advice, but it had little to no effect, and I continued beating myself up. This incident reminded me of the first time we slept together in the bar hotel. The only difference is that time I was drunk, and this time he was the drunk one.

You see, I grew up in a family where I was constantly maltreated, and sex education was a strange topic. I was twenty-one when I had sex for the first time. I was being pressured to have a boyfriend in college, so I accepted the advances of a senior student, and we had sex. It was the first time for both of us, so it was really awkward. We even broke up the next day, but I still feel like puking whenever I think about it.

For two years straight, I kept crying about my first sex, not because it was bad, but because I thought I did something wrong, like really wrong.

So yes, call me weird or any other names, but sex was a huge deal to me, and I believed it must be transactional or forced. For me to have enjoyed it meant something was wrong with me, and my conscience would never forgive me.

“That must be why he left so early. He was probably too disgusted to face me,” I murmured under my breath thoughtfully. I needed someone to talk to. Someone to share my worries with, and although Lucian said we must keep our marriage contract private, I still went ahead and picked up my phone to call my best friend, Angela.

“She understands me, she'll know what to do,” I reasoned, eagerly dialing her line. At first, there was no answer, but the moment she picked up the call, Lucian entered my room with a breakfast tray. He looked surprised to see me up, but he quickly offered me a smile.

“Good morning….wifey?” He greeted with a… (Pause) a romantic look?

At that moment I remembered something very important: “I love you, Lucian!” Those were my words yesterday, I was so horny that I confessed my feelings to Lucian. Fuck! This is bad, really bad! He probably knows how I feel about him. No one must know, else I'd be regarded as an whore.

“Sonia, are you there? Who is being called wifey? Is it you? Is that Mr. Lucian?” Angela's excited voice vibrated from the other side, and I froze. I quickly cautioned myself and hung up.

“Lucian….hmm, I mean Mr. Lucian, what are you doing here? I thought you'd left,’’ I stuttered, unsure of what to say, and Lucian must have noticed my anxiety because he politely smiled at me.

“I brought you breakfast in bed, you need it after…” he lowered his voice, “after the work you did yesterday.”

I arched my brows at him. He had a straight expression on his face, and I wondered if he understood what he had just said. The almighty Lucian was flirting? With me?

“Is he shameless or is he trying to tease me?” I reasoned. But I didn't have the time to ask questions, I knew that to put a stop to any kind of misunderstanding or insult, I had to make my stance clear. And by that, I mean I have to hide my true feelings. Michael was right, a guy as powerful as Lucian would never love me. Yesternight was a drunk pity fuck.

“Lucian, I have to tell you something!” I said to him with a grimace.

Lucian didn't reply, maybe he didn't hear me, or maybe he just decided to ignore me. He placed the tray on the table beside my bed and arranged the box of food and water properly.

“Eat first, you look tired. We can always talk later,” he replied, raising his head to meet mine. A bead of sweat had formed on his head, and I knew he was stressing out. “He doesn't want to talk to me. He is doing all this because I look pathetic and desperate.” I reasoned.

“Lucian, you don't have to do all this. I can take care of myself, by myself,” I replied, slowly moving away from his side.

“No, I'm good. I enjoy doing this for you. We are legally married after all,” he replied with a straight face.

I couldn't bear it anymore so I blurted the first word that came out of my mouth. “Lucian, yesterday night was a mistake! I don't know how it happened.”