Chapter 35 Love blinds

Chapter 35 Love blinds
Lucian’s POV

For a moment, her words hung in the air like a blade; cold, sharp, and heavy.

I froze, the tray in my hands. The sound of the porcelain cup rattling against the saucer broke the silence before I could. Sonia was now standing by the window, sunlight spilling on her bare shoulders. Her hair was a wild halo, and her eyes refused to meet mine.

“A mistake? Us?” I asked, my voice quieter than I intended. I wasn’t angry, not yet. Just… thrown off. Probably because I was expecting a lot.

She crossed her arms, and I could see the tremor in her fingers. “Yes. It shouldn’t have happened. We were both… out of control. You were drunk, and….I was trying to console you.”

Out of control. Drunk. That’s what she called last night.

I continued arranging the food, taking my time, because if I moved too fast, I’d say something I’d regret. “Drunk,” I repeated under my breath. “That’s one way to describe it.”

Her head snapped up, and for a moment, our eyes locked. She looked scared, not of me, but of herself. I saw it. The same guilt that had been eating her alive since morning.

“Look, Sonia,” I started, keeping my voice even. “If that’s how you want to see it, fine. You don't have to worry, in our contract, we agreed to have a sexual relationship if we're both willing. But it won’t happen again, I assure you.”

She flinched, barely, but I saw it. Her lips parted like she wanted to say something, but nothing came.

The truth was burning behind my ribs. I wanted to tell her it wasn’t a mistake. That I’d thought of her all night, that I’d replayed every sound she made, every word she whispered against my neck. But I couldn’t. Not when I knew what love did to men like me.

Love was a weakness. And weakness got people killed. If I allow her to come in, I'm indirectly pushing my revenge and my mother out.

So I turned away, pretending to pick up the now-empty tray. “Eat something before it gets cold,” I said, forcing a half-smile.

“Lucian…” she began, but I cut her off gently.

“I should head out. There’s something I need to handle at the office. Also, don't bother about what you said yesterday. I'm too busy to think about it.”

A lie, I had nowhere to go. I just needed to leave before the truth slipped out.

She nodded, biting her lower lip, her eyes glistening. “Right. Last night.”

I picked up my jacket, heading for the door. My hand hovered over the handle, and I heard her whisper behind me, soft, trembling: “I didn’t mean it like that…..”

I froze, wondering what she was talking about.

“Yesterday's ‘I love you’ nonsense. It was my body responding,” she completed her sentence.

I stopped, my back to her. Every muscle in my body begged me to turn around, to hold her, to tell her she meant everything.

Instead, I said, “I know.” And I walked out.

\---

In the Car

The door shut behind me with a dull thud, sealing in the silence I desperately needed. For a moment, I just sat there, my hands gripping the steering wheel, jaw clenched so tight it hurt.

Her words kept replaying in my head. “Yesterday night was a mistake. I don't mean what I said.”

A mistake. She doesn't like me?

I started the engine, but I didn’t drive. The low hum of the car was the only sound between me and the chaos in my chest. I could still smell her….. soft vanilla and something warmer, something that clung to me even now. I’d washed my hands twice before coming down, but it didn’t matter. She was everywhere.

I dragged a hand down my face. “Get it together, Lucian,” I muttered. “You knew this would happen. Love is not made for you.”

I shouldn’t have touched her. I told myself that a hundred times. I knew what she meant to me, what she could become if I wasn’t careful. Sonia wasn’t just another woman. She wasn’t like the countless women who wanted my last name. She was… honest. Too honest.

And that was dangerous.

Because honesty made me want to be honest, too.

I slammed my fist against the steering wheel, the sound echoing in the confined space. The anger wasn’t for her, it was for me. For being weak enough to want her. For forgetting, even for one night, why I built these walls in the first place.

Love ruins men. It blinds us, softens us. And in my world, softness gets you buried.

I tilted my head back against the seat and exhaled through my teeth. My reflection in the rearview mirror looked nothing like the Lucian Smithfield everyone feared. The one who controlled boardrooms with a single glare. No, this version looked like a man who’d lost something he never even had.

Her voice wouldn’t leave my head. “I didn’t mean it like that.”

Yeah, she did. Or maybe she didn’t. Either way, she was right. What happened last night shouldn’t have happened.

Because if I let it happen again… I wouldn’t stop at one night.

I’d ruin her. And then I’d ruin myself. Like I ruined my mother. My head hung low, and finally, I was ready to remember my childhood and the reasons I built walls in the first place. The situation that brought us together for the first time.

(Flashback to Years Ago)