Chapter 14—Alessandra

“I’m only here because you said there would be no tricks today,” I said when Wendy opened her front door for me.

After the trick she played on me last week, I was hesitant even to pick her call, but she somehow talked me into going to her house. I held Danny in my arms and my purse over my shoulder. Wendy opened the door and smiled disarmingly at me, but I just narrowed my eyes at her.

“Oh, come on,” she laughed. “I wouldn’t try the same thing twice, Alessandra, and believe it or not, I did do it for your good. Otherwise, you would have kept running around in circles, you know? That’s no way to live.”

I remained unyielding for a moment longer, but I knew I couldn’t keep it up. When she stepped aside to leave me room to walk in, I only hesitated a little before walking inside. I looked around, cautious, holding my baby close.

Wendy chuckled. “It’s not like I called you hereunder conspiracy to snatch your child, Alessandra so that you can relax a little bit. Don’t worry; not even my husband is home, I’m alone with the kid.”

She led us to the living room, where she had left her son on a blanket on the floor, playing with some toys. She walked over to him and picked him up, then moved with him to the couch, and patted the space beside her for me. I watched her with narrowed eyes but moved to sit beside her.

“All right,” I said, facing her. “You said you had something important to tell me, so what is it?”

“Can’t you just relax a little before we start talking business?” she asked with a pout.

I shook my head. “No way. The least you owe me is an explanation after last week, Wendy. I could have worked through my feelings just fine.”

“Like you have been for the past year or so?” she asked.

Her expression grew more dangerous, and I couldn’t refute it. I had spent that time worrying about a lot of things, my relationship with Joshua was just one of those things, but it was, admittedly, the biggest worry.

I slumped into the couch. “Still, why was blindsiding me like that your solution? You could have just insisted I talk to him!”

“But then I would come out as annoying, and you would stop talking to me altogether, wouldn’t you?”

I pursed my lips because I couldn’t say no.

“What are you running from, Alessandra?” she asked.

“I’m not—”

I started to protest, but she gave me a look, and the words froze in my throat.

Fuck.

When I saw Rachel comforting him in place of me, when he hadn't so much as called me that I had to find out his dad had passed away from mutual friends, I had felt heartbroken. I turned my back to him, with no intention of looking back.

I found out that I was pregnant, and throughout the pregnancy, and seeing my son every day, was a constant reminder of the man I was in love with, but wanted to forget for the sake of my own heart.

It didn’t end well. I was sure if I’d had more time, I would have moved on, but I couldn’t do that and deny Joshua the right to see his son.

We still needed to talk about that, and I was sure it would be impossible to forget him if I had to see him frequently.

“I don’t know what to do, Wendy,” I admitted in a whisper.

She sighed. “I know. That’s exactly what you told me the last time, and I invited Joshua over so the two of you could have some privacy to talk, and as far as I know, it didn’t go well.”

I frowned at her. “Did he tell you what happened?”

If he had, I was going to get up and walk out.

“He didn’t tell me,” she said, shaking her head. “I stopped by his office twice on three different days this week, because neither of you told me what happened after your talk, and I figured out on my own how it went.”

I narrowed my eyes at her. “What do you mean?”

She arched an eyebrow. “Joshua is burying himself in his work the way he always does when he has something troubling him, and not talking to anyone. Although, I did hear from my aunt that the two of them had a heated argument, though she didn’t tell me what about.”

“He and his mom argued?” I asked, surprised.

She nodded, solemn.

Joshua wasn’t one to have arguments with anyone. Even when his mom had been disapproving of me and had said it in both our presence, he just shut her down firmly and refused to hear more talk on the matter. He wouldn’t argue about something unless he thought it was worth arguing over, and that philosophy of his was why we didn’t explain much in the time of our relationship.

He, especially, didn’t argue with his mom, while his dad was sick and after he had passed away.

“What do you want to bet the argument had something to do with you?” she asked.

I bit my lip. No way would be I take that bet.

“You need to stop playing this game, Alessandra,” she said. Her expression and her voice both softened. “I know you have reservations, but you can't just keep putting off making a decision. You’ve already done it long enough, and if you’re sure you don’t want him, and you won't change your mind later, tell him you won't be getting back together and put the poor bastard out of his misery.”

“But…what if I don’t think I can do that?” I asked tentatively.

“Then go talk to him and tell him to give you more time, tell him you’re willing to talk, or try, or something. Absolute radio silence is just going to hurt him, and you might hurt yourself in the process. Not to mention your child. You need to make things clear for all of your sakes.”

But I’m scared, I thought.

I knew everything she said was right. If I dragged this on too long, I ran the risk of having Joshua start to think I was playing with him, and he would hate me. That thought made my chest ache, and I held my baby closer to me, ducking my head to breath in his scent, allowing it to calm me.

“Alessandra?” Wendy called softly.

I opened my eyes and looked at her. Her expression was sympathetic as she watched me.

“This is hard for you, and you’re scared. I don’t need you to tell me, Alessandra, I know. If relationships were easy, there would be less need for uncertainty, but relationships are about hard work. They’re about putting yourself out there, even if you’re scared or unsure, and hoping your partner will meet you half way. I’ve been there myself. My relationship wasn’t exactly a fairy tale.”

“I know that,” I muttered, looking away.

Of course, I knew that. My parents had been happily married for more than two decades, but I knew even they had times when they argued, when they didn’t want to talk to each other, or when they had problems. Even when they didn’t want me to see it, it was hard not to notice. But every time, they fixed things between them.

Joshua and I never had any arguments. The reason we separated, was because I wasn’t brave enough to sit Joshua down and have a talk with him. I could have told him everything that bothered me, about his mom, and his relationship with Rachel. I was focused on school at the time, sure, but I knew he needed me, and I would let long days keep us apart when finding time for a damn phone call or a short visit wouldn’t have been a hard thing to do.

He thought about me, but I didn’t put in much effort to hold onto our love when I felt threatened after he’d fought against his mom’s wishes even in the wake of his dad’s illness.

“Please, Alessandra, give my cousin another chance, okay?” Wendy said after a long silence. “I’m only asking you to do this because I know it’s something you want to do. Whatever you’re worried about to do with Joshua, I can tell you right now; you don’t have to overthink about it. He’s always been a straightforward kind of guy, and he’s not the kind of person that would go behind your back.”

I didn’t do nearly as much as I should have the first time.

My lips pressed flat together as determination washed through me. It’s not too late. I can try again, and I owe Joshua a huge apology.

“I will,” I said, meeting her gaze. My eyes blurred as the urge to cry rose up in my throat, making me feel like I was choking. “I’m going to give him another chance. Crap, Wendy, I messed everything up, didn’t I?”

She smiled and shifted Steven in her arms so she could reach out and pat me on the back.

“It’s fine. You were at a stressful, emotional time in your life, and everything else happening just made you more emotional, then confused. It was easier to try to forget everything than to work through it all, so don’t be so hard on yourself.”

I sniffled as I wiped at my eyes. “But I could have ruined things between us for forever. I love him, Wendy, and we have a son together. I don’t know why I behaved the way I did when I’ve never once stopped trusting him…”

I choked up and let the words trail off. I covered my mouth with my hand, and squeezed my eyes closed, to try and hold back the crying. Once I started, it would be hard to stop.

Then, I felt a hand on my knee that startled me. Danny was surprised as well, making a squeal of protest as he squirmed. My eyes snapped open, and I saw Joshua kneeling in front of me, smiling gently up at me. I turned wide eyes to Wendy, who shrugged.

“I swear I didn’t call him; he has perfect timing. But since he’s already here, you can tell him what you just told me, can't you?”

“There’s no need,” Joshua said, and I turned back to him.

His other hand rose up to cup my cheek, and I felt my breath catch in my throat. He rubbed the corners of my eye to wipe away the stray tears.

“We can let the past be in the past,” he said. “I’d rather talk about our future right now.”

I watched him for a second, and my expression crumpled as I cried. Joshua’ arms went around me, holding both our son and me carefully so he wouldn’t smother Danny. I buried my face in his shoulder and gave into all the feelings I’d been running away from for longer than a year.