Chapter 13—Joshua

There was a knock on my office door. I glanced up.

“Come in,” I called.

The door opened, and my secretary walked in carrying a folder.

“I have the reports for you from the finance department, sir,” she said. “I’m still waiting on a couple more reports for the project.”

I waved her over. “Give it to me. When the rest arrive bring them in. Thank you.”

I reached my hand and took the folder, then she turned and walked out of the room. I sighed once I was alone again and dropped the envelope on the desk.

Technically, I was supposed to be working, but it was around eleven already, and I hadn't done a damn thing, even though I always got into the office at eight thirty. I didn’t feel like working, which was the worst kind of attitude to have as the head of a vast company.

My phone sat on my desk, beside my computer keyboard, and I picked it up. I unlocked the screen but froze before I could do anything.

What I wanted right then was to talk to Alessandra, but I was holding myself back. After how we left things the last time we met, I wanted her to try to reach out to me first.

As I waited, I’d been doing some thinking. Mostly, about Mom and Rachel.

The two of them were friends. I knew the reason was that Mom and Rachel’s mother had been close until her parents had a divorce and the relationship with her mom grew a little strained. Rachel spent more time with my mother than her own, and somewhere along the way, Mom started thinking Rachel would make the perfect wife for me.

Even before Dad passed away, she kept trying to push the issue. She kept telling me it would ease Dad’s mind if he knew I married into a good family, even though out of both of them, she was the only one that had a problem with my relationship with Alessandra.

“I made a big mess of things, didn’t I?” I groaned to myself.

I dropped my phone on my desk and leaned forward, holding my face in my hand, as I drummed my fingers on the counter with my other hand.

Alessandra and I started dating back in high school, so of course, my parents knew about the relationship early on. I didn’t even realize my mom had a problem with it until I finished high school. Her excuse was that she put up with it, thinking it was puppy love, nothing more than a childhood fling, that I would forget when I went to college.

Only, I didn’t.

I never thought I had to give my mom’s words much thought, figuring that as long as she saw things between Alessandra and me didn’t change, she would come to accept things.

For the moment, it was a good idea to give Alessandra her space. In the meantime, while she thought through things on her own and made up her mind, I had to talk to both my mom and Rachel.

A first step, Rachel.

With a plan in mind, I picked up my phone. I found Rachel’s contact and called her.

“Joshua,” she said, sounding pleasantly surprised. “I was just about to call you and ask to meet up for lunch. I have another proposal for you to look at. Can I stop by your office?”

I understood her surprise. I was rarely the one that called her first. She usually showed up at the office, and I made time for her when I could. It had always been like that and hadn't changed much in the past year.

“There’s no need for that. It’ll be lunch in another hour. Why don’t you pick the place and I’ll meet you there?”

She hummed. “Okay. There’s this nice place not too far from your office. The food is good, and it has a good view. Let me text you the name and address, okay?”

“Sure.”

We cut the call, and a minute later I had the information.

There was still time, and after a quick second, I decided I might as well get something done in the time before she showed up. I called my secretary to clear two hours for me for lunch. I didn’t think the talk would take that long, but I might drive around before I returned to the office.

Before I knew it, the time for us to meet had arrived. I got another text from Rachel telling me she was on her way, that she was excited.

I did feel a little sad about what I was going to do today, but not enough to back out.

The place wasn’t that far. The drive in the light, mid-day traffic took me ten minutes, and I made my way to the restaurant. Rachel had still arrived before I did. She saw me first and waved, and I went to join her.

“I had them take back the menus,” she explained, when I saw our table was empty. “I already know what you like so I ordered for you. Trust me; you’re going to love it.”

I didn’t say anything, but I was bothered. She had done this for me before, and I never thought much about it, but I wondered now if there was a meaning behind it that I had missed before.

“We need to talk, Rachel,” I said, cutting off whatever else she was going to say.

She blinked at me. “About the proposal? Well, I was hoping we could talk about it…”

I shook my head. “Not that, Rachel. I meant, we need to talk about us.”

That quieted her up. She was surprised; then she smiled at me. She looked happy, and I felt a spike of guilt again.

“You want to talk about us?”

“Specific enough. What I want, Rachel is for you to leave me alone.”

The smile froze on her face, before quickly dropping. Her face paled, eyes wide in shock. She opened and closed her mouth several times before she found her voice.

“What… Joshua, what do you mean?”

I leaned back in my seat and crossed my arms over my chest.

“I…consider you a friend, Rachel,” I started slowly. “And not a very close one at that, but still a friend. We’ve also talked business between our parent's companies before, and I do appreciate our talks, but anything outside of business…”

She cut me off. “Wait a minute. Joshua, I’m sorry, but have I done or said something wrong?”

“It’s not anything you’ve said or done, Rachel. It is probably your expectations of me.”

“But I don’t have any—” she said, voice high and defensive.

I held up a hand and cut her off. Her mouth snapped closed, and she stared at me. She was shaking a little.

My voice gentled a bit. “Mom has probably told you about how she wished for you and I to get married, hasn’t she, Rachel?”

For a long moment, she didn’t have any reaction, but then she nodded.

“You do know that’s not going to happen, right? I’m not going to marry you, Rachel. I never had the intention to. And when we talked before, I figured you got it.”

“Why not, though?” she argued. “I would be perfect for you in ways that she could never be. I understand the world you currently live in, if you have problems at work, you can talk them out with me, and I’ll be more understanding of any of it than anyone because I was raised with the same expectations that you were.”

I slowly shook my head and saw her expression crumple.

“But…”

“I’m in love with someone else, Rachel. You’ve always known that, too. And there’s no way I can marry you while I love someone else, no matter what you and my mom talk about. Stop listening to everything she tells you. Find your mom, talk to her, and don’t overthink about becoming in-laws with my mother, because it’s never going to happen.”

Her lips were pressed flat, her expression looking aggravated.

Maybe I wasn't fair, but I should have done this a long time ago. I thought we could be friends after we cleared the air between us, but she didn’t think that way. Still, even in the time when Alessandra and I were separated, I never thought of taking things between us any further than where they were.

“There’s just one thing I need to ask,” she said after a minute, voice shaking with emotion. “Why are you assuming the only reason I want to marry you, is because your mom wanted it?”

I rubbed the back of my neck, really wishing she hadn't brought it up.

“I know that’s not the only reason,” I said awkwardly. “I kept quiet about it, trying to be tactful. I never went out of my way to show you anything other than politeness, so you would know that I don’t have any feelings for you. I made it clear to you both it wasn’t going to happen because I already had someone I planned to have in my future.”

Her expression morphed to devastation, and her eyes blinked rapidly as they shone with unshed tears.

“So all this time you knew and let me act like an idiot?”

“I thought you would get over it, and things wouldn’t have to change, but it’s not happening. I’m sorry, Rachel. It’s not anything to do with you. You’re a wonderful woman, and any man would be lucky to have you. Just not me.”

“I have been in love with you all this time,” she said, voice small.

I winced. “I know,” I said gently. “But, Rachel, I’m in love with someone else.”

She ducked her head so I wouldn’t see her expression. It was easy enough to figure out, though. She had her fingers clasped together on the table, and her whole form was shaking. A waiter came up beside our table, pushing a tray with our food.

He must have noticed the atmosphere between us, because he served the food, and walked away. I looked at my plate. It seemed, and smelled, delicious, and in any other circumstances, I was sure I would have loved it.

Right then, neither of us felt like eating.